friends say 'talk to me' and when I do they cant handle it

[paperchain]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

Tonight I have upset a dear friend cos she asked if I was 'still feeling suicidal'. so I said yes, but not quite so bad as before. She then said she didnt understand how the health system could let me go feeling this way, but we all know it is crap, so I made a joke - ok a sick joke, but at my expnese. But now I ahve really upset her.

This has happened before. People say to ring them if I feel bad, but really they dont know what ot say.

It is such a lonely plasce mental health

naswm your thread title really gets it right!

depression is so isolating. I sometimes feel as if I'm 'poisoning' everything, all my relationships, because everyone I talk to either starts to pick up my negativity or gets angry. Or just avoids me.

Am slightly bipolar so tend to come across as 'vivacious' and it always seems to be a shock to people that I have been on ADs for 12 years. The template of a depressive is someone who sulks and never speaks, I think.

How are you doing right now? Last few posts sounded desperate. Are you in London? Would love to chat and can guarantee NOT to cut you dead for being depressed!!

I am in london yes

I am ok

drhnk now so blocking it all out

but I am isolated ::

i know it can be hard to get out when you're depressed but if you want to chat or meet up with anyone I am here cos I know what it's like. Live in East Dulwich.

oh bollocks got to go, insomniac one yo is at it aaargh

if I could just get some f-ing sleep think I'd be less flaming depressed

Message withdrawn

by being nice - it always happens to me

hi i am not much here tonight because i am tidying and cooking dinner for bf

but wanted to say hello

how can the therapist give you up are they going to asign you someone else

hi Zippi

she hasnt give me up

I have sort of given up with her IYKIWM

oh I dont know

I am all confused

more wine!

oh was it all too much or just not going right

I have got quite close to her, and I am now protecting her from me IYKWIM and not being totallty honest with her which means it isnt working and means I dont know who can help now

Message withdrawn

naswm - I know what you mean about "protecting" your therapist - but are you able to discuss this with her?

FWIW I think that its all about low self esteem, in our eyes we are so awful even a therapist would run a mile if they knew the "real" us. (sorry if that is blatantly obvious)

I have a DP with depression who is quite often suicidal - he described it as being unable to be affected by anything that we might see as positive, such as a sunny day or a nice warm bath.
I have experienced that awful nothing too and its scary.
Have also experienced the friend who offered a shoulder then withdrew.

Also ashamed to say that in the past I have been the one to withdraw as well.

However in my experience there is worse, and that's the parasitic person who cant get enough of your depression - they try and "fix" you and get to feel better about themselves into the bargain. (shudder)

Sorry you are going through this.

sorry naswm i think you need to talk to her

i am sure she has experience she can use to help her and a support for her if she needed it

I have told her

we discussed it

and then when I rang her yesteryda in a mess she gave me the official line so now I thiknk the 'friend' as gone, but I know she was just protecting herself and being profgessional

oh i get you you feel she is backing off shutting down a bit to put things onto a more profeesional rather than confiding friend feel

yes

and I dont know where I stand now

friend or therapist

oh I dont know

but I feel like no one to turn to

im sure she doesnt mean that to happen

but i understand how confused you must feel

i think you need to behave the same and talk to her the same..even if you feel she is acting differently maybe

but it makes me want to cut her off

but that is spite

and stupid

cos I want to share, so bad

naswn - if I say you both might find that useful to share does that make sense? About the spite thing?
Talking about it might be a way into other things ie other issues in your life past and present, and may give you some insights you find helpful.

yes I think you right

she offered to do swomething nice for me this week (above the call of 'duty') and I am thinking, no I wont let her, when really I want to embrace it. God I am screwed up

Naswm, so sorry you are having such a hard time - you are paperchain on the other thread, but saw the name change - you can get another counsellor - you need to keep talking - you are dealing with so much you need to off load. Be kind to yourself.

no this one is private

I dont seem to wualify for nhs - the GP counsellor told me after half a session thatshe wasnt allowed to se me as she wasnt qualified to deal with someone 'in my siuation' and the mentyal health team dont deal with personality disorders so I a buggred

It is just shit isn't it, you ask for some help but know one is willing to do anything. So sorry the system is letting you down.

the nhys has done badly, esp after allI have done

:@

I feel so let down and I ahve tried so hard, really I have

Sorry your LA are not helpful, but if you cant make the most of your time with this therapist I would encourage you to. It is difficult (esp if you have trust issues) but a trained professional should be able to support you with this.

I really value my therapist because she is an objective presence to whom I can tell things I would never say to anyone else. I can also say that I worry about boring her and being dismissed and know that it says more about me than her, and that we can talk about it.

Everything you feel is useful and relevant and you deserve all the help and support you can get.

I know

but I am crap at it