To feel like mental health services are abusing me

[Westendtown]

I’m struggling living alone and want to be in supported housing. For reference other professionals have said I’m clearly not doing well when I’ve had paramedics and police to my accommodation. They just won’t accept this and keep telling me I’m too capable for supported living because I’m a uni student and volunteer. I do this to give me a focus as I would completely spiral without it. Again they can’t see this. Nearly every night I’m crying and struggling. My rooms a mess with fruits flies and I don’t even know how to start sorting it. My hairs matted yet they are telling me I’m fine it feels like gas lighting as it’s making me like I’m making this up and maybe I’m fine. I have care in place but don’t feel it’s what I need as I’m still struggling a lot and don’t have hours when I really need them most at night. I’m at a loss what to do as they just won’t listen to me, do you think I’m attention seeking?

Yes which is what I feel I need to be properly ready to live alone

Have you tried contacting a MH charity like Mind or Rethink? They can be very helpful with understanding what services are out there and what steps you might need to take in order to apply for them.

This is the point really.

A lot of life is about perspective.
-its coming across as if you think supported accommodation will solve things for you.
-the reality is, they will verbally prompt but not cook for you or change your bed, or keep you safe at night. That's all still on you.
Supported would deskill you, put you in a confined environment with people who also have risks to self or others. Be messy, loud etc as it may well be shared or not nice, or in a rougher area. Again, via a social worker, its a lottery based on a bid to meet your needs, which doesn't sound high, despite it feeling that way.
An alternative is to privately fund it. There are private supported accommodations out there. But again its all based on a needs assessment.
A lot of people have asked, as have I. Are you engaging with the care package?

OP, I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's shocking that there isn't enough support for people who desperately need it.

OP what are you studying at university? What are your long term plans?

This sums it up really well.

Westendtown I can hear the desperation in your posts and wish I had an answer for you that would magically make things better. I have suffered from mental health problems for decades, mainly anxiety and panic attacks, and this lead to depression. I often felt like the medical professionals didn't understand how bad things were because I was never suicidal, although I would often feel like my life had no point. Sadly due to lack of funding and availability, mental health care rarely seems to be able to meet people's needs, a lot of the time it seems to be fire fighting and literally just dealing with emergencies and then once a crisis is over there doesn't seem to be enough support to keep any improvements made going.

I can only tell you what has helped me, but it may help you a bit. This year my partner of 3 decades left me as he could no longer cope with my issues. This absolutely devastated me and meant my life changed totally. I had no choice but to contact my GP and beg for help. I was also able to self-refer to a mental health programme. I am lucky that I have a lot of family support, do you have anything like that? My GP prescribed me a few clonazepam to take very occasionally at night if I was really struggling with a panic attack, that did help me calm down enough the few times I took one enough to get a few hours sleep. Sleep really did help me feel a bit better. They also got me to increase my anti-depressant dosage. The GP referred me to a mental health nurse that is attached to their practice. They spoke to me and suggested a few local mental health projects that might be able to help me, as well as emergency organisations such as Samaritans and again some local projects, that would be able to help me during the night if needed. They also referred me to a peer support worker through Mind who I am now seeing every couple of weeks just for a chat- which really helps as we share experiences which makes me feel less like I am alone, but that also what I am experiencing is actually not that unusual, and that people do get better.

I am also autistic and find a lot of the general life things hard that the majority of NT people seem to find easy (or at least it looks to me like they do!) like being tidying, being organised, not getting overwhelmed just by daily living etc. I am learning that planning is very important to me, also having a plan - even if it is for something really basic makes me feel more in control, and therefore less frightened and anxious. So for example I really struggle at night time, so I have several activities that I can do if I can't sleep that are fairly easy, but distracting enough to hopefully engage me until those feelings have subsided a bit. For me that is knitting, jigsaws, maybe reading if I can focus enough, or watching tv that makes me feel safe.

I have a list of tasks I need to do for each day, but I use this as a guide, and try not to get stressed if I don't complete all the ones I want to. Some of them I do everyday and tell myself they have to be done. Those are things like getting washed and dressed. Brushing my teeth, making sure the washing up is done. Other tasks might be leaving the house even if it is only walking up and down the road. It is all a work in progress, but I guess I'm saying what lots of other posters have said which is you will have to take ownership of some of the things you are finding difficult. There is help out there, it might not be perfect, and it might not come from where you think it should, but there are ways of creating some of the support you want.

As previous posters have said supportive housing for people with mental health difficulties is often not very nice. It can often be very noisy, the people you are sharing the building with can be intimidating if their issues cause them to be loud or aggressive, and from what you've written I think that sort of environment would make you worse.

Another poster asked, but I couldn't see if you'd already answered, but have you contacted Student Support Services at your university? If not they would be a good place to start. Or go on Mind's website and you can search to see what services they offer in your local area.

Ligature was my assumption

That was my immediate thought too.

OP when you were found "blue", who was it that alerted emergency services/someone, that you'd made a suicide attempt?

Why is having a care package ‘being palmed off’?

Lots of people would absolutely love to have a S117 funded (ie free with no means test) care package. S117 is a really good deal given that it’s one of the only ways to get non means tested long term social care support. Used creatively a care package from a specialist MH provider like MIND would appear likely to meet many of the needs you have expressed and it is not time limited which all NHS support always is.

Another option would be an occupational therapy reablement programme which the MH team could refer you for. This would be time limited but would be exactly to help you develop independent living skills and in a lot more targeted and professional led way than a supported accommodation provider

In terms of self harm and being safe then a course of DBT would be highly recommended. Contrary to popular belief it does not matter what diagnosis a person has they can still benefit a lot from the emotional regulation and relationships skills training.
I assume you have a care co from the mental health team so would they not work with you on a crisis/ staying safe plan too?

It is a bit hard to understand what you feel MH support led accommodation would give you beyond what you already have via the care package/ could access in other ways. It is usually for people who are homeless at the point of a hospital discharge or who are evicted from their current accommodation due to failure to sustain a tenancy.

It seems to me that you have perhaps got a bit stuck on seeing the supported accommodation as the only way forward (rigid thinking in ASD?) and you feel aggrieved that it was apparently once suggested and then withdrawn. That might very well be true but it isn’t helping you to remain focused on something that is unlikely to happen as being the only solution. Would you not consider some of the alternative suggestions: care package review, OT, DBT as perhaps having some merit?

You did post on AIBU rather than the MH section so that will influence the tenor of replies. If you wanted a more supportive and validating response the MH section would be better. AIBU is literally inviting challenge and your thread title is inflammatory. You presumably can’t have expected everyone on AIBU to agree with you.

If you’ve already been turned down as you said here then I can’t see how MH services are to blame. They referred you and the provider refused. What more could they do?

People upthread have already stated a refusal would commonly be the outcome where a person is self harming in a very high risk way ie ligaturing to the point of unconsciousness as MH supported accommodation providers are not really there to stop people from self harming. This will be the cause of the refusal I think. The solution would be to try through therapy to develop different coping strategies and move away from this type of behaviour. I do not think a supported accommodation provider is likely to be found who would accept someone who is frequently ligaturing.

What about applying to a therapeutic community like the Cassel? If you feel that you need 24-7 support then this is something more specific to your diagnosis and needs than generic MH supported accommodation which I fear is not what you think it is.
https://casselhospitalcharitabletrust.org/about-personality-disorders/therapeutic-community-as-treatment/

Can you outline what you think supported living wiyod offer you?

Do you feel alone with your thoughts? Unable to sleep? You said you are not safe to live alone, so I was wondering how you could safer?

I don't think supported living is the answer here, OP. My friend is in supported living after developing paranoid schizophrenia in his 20s. He is nowhere near as 'with it' as you sound, which I'm guessing is the meds. However, he isn't a risk to himself or anybody else as long as he remembers to take his medication (which he wouldn't on his own). I gather it's quite complex and could mess him up if not taken properly, although maybe he's exaggerating, but I don't think he is.

I'm not a medical expert/psychiatrist but I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 16yo after attempting suicide. And it wasn't a cry for help, I was badly injured and in A&E for days (not implying you weren't serious either or anything like that).

I'm now doing well but it only started improving when I realised nobody could ultimately sort it for me. I appreciate you aren't me and have your own individual challenges. However, I'd be surprised if somebody who can post on here and study for a degree couldn't learn to make a bed or fry an omelette. But again maybe I'm wrong. But anything you can do to be self sufficient will help as MH provision is a shitshow in this country.

Could you just set an alarm for ten minutes time and see what you can get done in that time? Get rid of any dirty plates/stale fruit. That sort of thing really helped me as somebody with the double whammy of depression and ADHD, which both sap motivation.

I don't think supported living is necessarily the answer. Aside from my friend mentioned above I also knew another guy who was schizophrenic - family member of a mate. He had alcohol and drug problems and would sometimes relapse and need to be sectioned. Even he didn't get fully supported living. He had a flat shared with another guy in a block of similar setups.

They'd visit daily but nobody was there full time. This is even considering that he'd do things like drink four bottles of wine and collapse on occasion. He also did loads of crazy stuff like walk into a restaurant and grab a huge knife, smash shop windows with a golf club, and walk into a random house party and throw the TV (old school heavy one) through the patio window.

He'd get sectioned but always seemed to end up back in his own flat with his flatmate who was a weird guy with waist length dreads that never spoke a word and just stared angrily at you. I'd not want to live there unless I absolutely had to.

I agree I’m not sure supported housing is all it’s cracked up to be. You can like likely end up with a room in a building full of severely mentally unwell people which is unlikely to help with your own struggles.

Objectively if you’re able to study and volunteer (and post cohesively here with some insight) it makes sense that with support in the community you should be able to live independently. There is no service where you’d have someone with you every evening with support unless as an inpatient and even then they are spread between all the service users.

Do you have any family that can support you? In the short term set goals:

• clear out your flat with help from carers
• book a hairdresser appointment some specialise in matting then get a cut that will reduce the risk of it reoccurring
• find a social media account or cook book for basic meals that you can copy from so you’re eating well

I know it’s very hard when you’re struggling but instead of just saying nothing is good enough utilise the care package as much as you can. Continue study, go to the library in the evening so you’re around people. Eat well, could your GP refer you to the local gym we can get patients a 3 month free membership if on benefits and they would benefit from the gym either for health or wellbeing.

Try not to approach every clinician or worker expecting the worst and ready to criticise what they offer.

This 👆

Hang in there. Public services are in such a tight spot with such little investment compared to need. This won’t be personal against you, it’s a reflection of the lack of provision available and high thresholds as people have said.

Are you accessing all the help available to you now? Do you take your medication when you should? Right dose? Do you engage with your support workers? Have you tried to make your home as user friendly as possible?

Could you get a mobile hairdresser arranged to come round and help you with your hair? Is it matted because you’re not leaving your bed and washing and brushing your hair?

It does sound like you need more support, it’s really sad that the systems in the state it’s in. All I can suggest is to hang in there.

OP I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. Are you are looked after child/young person? What age are you now?
It sounds like you have an inadequate support network, friends, family or care and that must be a huge pressure and quite scary at times.
Being neurodivergent will also add challenges. You are doing your best to highlight your care is not meeting need and feel unheard.
Services are stretched. It can feel like a conveyor belt and some staff within the system are not as empathetic as they should be.
I think you need an advocate or representative to help you convey your point of view. I am not sure where you live but some areas might have advocates, MH projects, local CAB.
Write out a timeline of what has happened to date and keep a diary going forward. If once you get advice there are grounds consider lodging a formal complaint. Also consider contacting a local councillor to help. Having someone to help you be heard be first step.Link

Lots of support here Op. Perhaps for now on a nighttime you could post on here or on the mental health support boards for help or support with one thing that’s a challenge for the next day or ‘help walk me through sorting my fruit flys… for eg’ or ‘can people chat as I’m feeling rough’ and I’m sure people can support.

You will honestly get support with people helping you break it down into 15 min tasks and being there to encourage you. Perhaps even to buddy up with a few people in a similar situation who need support.

I don’t mean to be patronising or diminishing of your situation (which does sound like the support you need in the community/NHS isn’t there at the moment) but why not see if you can get some support on here too while you work through what support you can access elsewhere.

I honestly find the decision paralysis around things like hair, fruit flys, cleaning can be massively supported by someone breaking it down into steps and supporting you through doing them.

I hope that you find the support you need. You sound like you are doing an amazing job in a tricky situation xx

Are you getting any support with your autism?

Are there any student grants etc that you could receive to enable you to access coaching for neurodivergent people?

It sounds like a lot of the support you have tried and considered isn’t working and I wonder if this is because the strategies they suggest are neurotypical strategies?

The mental health team aren’t abusing you, they are designed to treat mentally ill people and there isn’t “treatment for autism” as it’s a lifelong difference. It sounds like your risks are the reason they are working with you and the fact you have 117 entitlement.

They will be struggling with the fact that you are able to study for a degree but can’t wash your hair or put rotten food in the bin. This sounds more like your autism is affecting you in this area and maybe some coaching would help with some strategies to enable you to maintain your independence?

Where are you living? Is it student accommodation like halls or a shared house?

If you have section 117 care, then surely that’s a positive thing? Which parts of this are you utilising?

It sounds as if you are really set on supported living even though many posters have said that it would not be helpful for you, and you would still have all the same issues.

You have been given some great advice here. I suggest you read through the posts and make a list of a few things you can do, eg google how to make a bed, book a haircut, throw out rotten food.

I imagine they realise that you have a roof over your head and care in place that you are not a high priority

You have to be eligible under the Care Act 2014 and be diagnosed with a learning disability or autism

Have you checked out whether you meet the Act's criteria?

It sounds more like you want/need is to live with someone. From my knowledge, which is a few years old now, supported housing won't give you that as the expectation is that you can manage yourself, usually with care coming in. And that's kind of what you get already.

If you're coping at university you'll be seen as capable of learning and there's no shortage of cookery materials on line. You could ask your support agencies if there's anything that could help you in person.

I hope your son is getting on better now. Such a typical and sad story. It must’ve taken such a toll on you as a family. I hope you had support too.

This.

I'm retired now, but worked for a housing association that provides exactly this sort of accommodation. There is so little funding for these schemes that places generally only become available when a tenant vacates a property, they haven't been able to develop new properties for years, and they have to prioritise according to need.

Most new tenancies go to those being discharged following acute admissions to hospital and who would be "bed blocking" otherwise, because they have nowhere else to go.