To feel like mental health services are abusing me

[Westendtown]

I’m struggling living alone and want to be in supported housing. For reference other professionals have said I’m clearly not doing well when I’ve had paramedics and police to my accommodation. They just won’t accept this and keep telling me I’m too capable for supported living because I’m a uni student and volunteer. I do this to give me a focus as I would completely spiral without it. Again they can’t see this. Nearly every night I’m crying and struggling. My rooms a mess with fruits flies and I don’t even know how to start sorting it. My hairs matted yet they are telling me I’m fine it feels like gas lighting as it’s making me like I’m making this up and maybe I’m fine. I have care in place but don’t feel it’s what I need as I’m still struggling a lot and don’t have hours when I really need them most at night. I’m at a loss what to do as they just won’t listen to me, do you think I’m attention seeking?

You can’t know what challenges they face any more than they know yours. If you are a risk to yourself and live in unsanitary conditions you may well not be a suitable candidate for supported living, Supported does not mean supervision and practical help 24/7 and as has been pointed out, the other residents may trigger you into a spiral.

It does not sound as your current situation is benefitting you apart from providing you with a room, ask yourself what changes you can make and seek support for that. Where do they envisage your next step being if not supported living? It is great you can manage your uni course and volunteering, presumably you travel there independently and on time. Does that drain your energy such that other aspects of life are more difficult. Think about how you can achieve a balance, what help do you need to make your life and mh easier to manage.

I can’t see how it’s helping you to fixate on this particular kind of support and compare yourself to others. You said early on in the thread that your application for supported housing was declined so that door is closed and you need to move on from ruminating over how unfair that feels to you and try to problem solve your current situation with the resources that are available to you.

You have a S117 funded care package and you are open to a MH team. I imagine you have PIP too. There will be loads of people with EUPD and other MH diagnoses who could equally be comparing themselves to you and asking how come I don’t have care/ have to pay for care? How come I don’t get PIP? How come I am not under an MH service at all.

What might actually help rather than pointless comparison to others whose situation you can never fully know would be to ask for a care package review from social care and to ask your MH team about OT reablement and DBT options or if they have any other services that they feel would help you.

Or even make a complaint about this to social care and/ or your MH team via PALS/ whatever formal channel if you really think they are abusing you (I can’t understand why you’d used that term myself. Failing to meet your needs or discriminating against you would be what I would call what you are describing) Then you would have in writing the logic for whatever decisions were taken and perhaps it will help you to move on from this idea.

No I don’t I go with care support

I’ve never said I have eupd

OP do you mind sharing which diagnoses you have ? You don’t have (edited *to) of course, but PP have already broached on the difficulties re care if there is a diagnoses like EUPD (which does have its share of controversy, especially when neurodivergence is involved).
I think it will be a bit difficult for people to advise you re who to contact etc otherwise. But again it’s not a necessity to share, just a suggestion if you feel comfortable doing so.

But that’s a balance of risk. You are allowed a limited amount of medication but not enough to be lethal because of overdosing on it I guess. Why is that hypocritical? I’d call it a sensible harm reduction measure whilst you develop different coping strategies. If they take the whole lot away from you it infantilises you. It seems like in some way that is what you want other people to contain the self harm risk for you (you say you don’t want admission but seem annoyed about being discharged from A&E) but in the long term it’s actually impossible and unsustainable for others to take responsibility for stopping you from harming yourself. When you go down that road it often ultimately ends in really unpleasant out of area long stay coercive hospital regimes that harm people more especially those with ASD. For you to have a S117 I would hazard a guess you have already experienced such regimes. I expect that you will also have heard of DBT and tried it however that is the best treatment that we know for EUPD and for managing self harm. I would encourage you to continue on the path of trying to make the most of your community support and practicing DBT skills rather than looking for containment which is a bit of a fantasy solution although very appealing when you feel so distressed.

Also if you are willing to share age and finances available, as that will also help advice. No obligation again. I wish you the best.

Ok fair enough.
2nd guess cPTSD
which considerably overlaps
and for which DBT would still be highly recommended. DBT is good for many conditions and does not presuppose any particular diagnosis to benefit

Also there was a lot of other advice in that post which I thought was decent, applicable and actionable even if you don’t have EUPD

I usually have the MH topic hidden because I always get drawn in but this was originally posted in AIBU so drew me in. I remember now why I hid it.

It is always a balance to find I think depending on your circumstances. If you feel uncomfortable when reading I would keep hiding it for now 🍀 (*apologies for the unsolicited advice, was not aimed at you specifically at all)

Hi OP. I'm autistic (AuDHD) and have been a front line MH professional.

What sounds really difficult for you is that you have a very clear sense of what would benefit you most, but it's not available to you. I can understand the frustration, it must feel like nobody is listening or wants to help. I also appreciate that when the autistic brain gets focused on a particular pathway or outcome it's very difficult to refocus or see other possibilities. Others can see that as entitlement or stubbornness, but it can literally feel like the mind gets stuck.

I'm wondering if there is an independent Advocacy service in your local area that could support you to look at what's possible and realistic with your current setup, identify the gaps, and then help advocate for you to have those support gaps addressed. It might be that supported living isn't the right pathway right now, but there may be other options. It sounds like having those clearly laid out and talked through might be useful so you can begin to think in terms of what your needs are and how they could be met, and moving your mind gently away from fixed on what the exact outcome has to be?

Several PPs have mentioned DBT, so not meaning to pick on your post in particular. But I wonder how many realise the NHS don't usually offer proper DBT? It's supposed to be a 4 stage therapy (plus an introductory stage), with group and individual sessions. Often only the first stage is offered, and sometimes only the group sessions within that (completely missing the later stages which cover past trauma and moving forward in life).

Because they don’t mind that I’m struggle in every other aspect having more medication would be helpful to me as then I don’t have to pick it up every week and waste my time

I’m not annoyed about being discharged I’m mealy pointing out the double standards. None of them contacted me after what happened the other dau

No I’ve only ever been to my awful local mental health unit. Again while others can refuse to go there I can’t anyway I’m not allowed to be detained anymore as the Cmht don’t want me to be so they tell the amhp team to discharge again not that I care because I hate that ward.

I think it is a postcode lottery.
I have done DBT a couple of times on the NHS. It was a year long with weekly group and 1:1 sessions.
There was a wait for it, and not because too many people wanted to do it, but because not enough did.

Op, what would your dream living situation look like?

Have you got a (professional) advocate?

I was wondering about this too re funding on NHS, thank you for sharing. I hope it went well

Our area has the whole program on the NHS but you have to move through the stages and engage with each one and complete it and then you get an invitation to opt in to the next stage. Many people just want 1:1 and are put off because they don’t want to do any group work which is a shame because I think they misunderstand what it would actually be like (not baring your soul in a room of strangers) and what the benefits could be. Sadly the NHS cannot possibly afford individual long term therapy with a highly qualified therapist for all who could benefit and group therapy is a lot more possible for the NHS to deliver so it is going to be the only available choice inevitably. I wish more people would be a bit more open to it as I have seen people really benefit a great deal and it also lays the groundwork for individual therapy to be more successful.

Same situation here wrt inpatient admission.

I think that the medication is fair enough, if you are still actively attempting to take your own life, minimising your access to medication makes sense. They would be failing you if they gave you more.

What would you hope to gain from supported living? If it’s help with keeping the home type things, can you apply for PIP and use that to source some additional help?

Also ask your CC if they have access to online courses for you. We can access some in my area and they offer courses in things like implementing routines, dealing with trauma, managing emotions etc.

You have one life
you can rage that things don’t happen the way you want them to
or you accept that you can’t change the world and the only thing under your control is you
you have decided what you think is best for you
it isn’t available
so what’s next best?
keep going till you get to something you can do

Just the whole trust where I am are hypocritical they say they don’t admit people because hospital doesn’t help yet admit some people who always call themselves an ambulance so always seek help

In your opinion