September is going to be a tricky month for me. My lovely Dad died 3 weeks ago and his funeral is next week. He leaves my Mum who is not herself well and lives 200 miles away. This will fall to me to sort out as my brother lives abroad and my sister is…not helpful.
DD2 is going to university in the middle of the month. I’m so proud and excited for her. But privately I’m in bits about her going. She was badly attacked aged 14 and subsequently suffered some pretty awful mental health issues. It’s taken this time to get back on track (and she has, she is flying) but I’m guilty of some (again hidden) hyper vigilance about her and I also absolutely love her to Hang out with so I’m going to miss her immensely.
We are moving house at the end of the month . To an area an hour and a bit away where I know no one at all. It’s a necessary move to be nearer my DSS’s school (we have them 50/50 but they go to school where their mum chose to move to-so we have been doing 2.5 hour long school runs for three years and due to that and other reasons it’s not sustainable). We do have to move and it will make life easier in lots of ways. But I am dreading it. I feel awful for dd2 as she won’t have anywhere she recognises as ‘home’ to come back to (she will have a room at the new house but she will never even have lived in it as she leaves before we move). Dd1 is coming with us as she doesn’t want to live with her Dad (he lives where we live now) but she also knows no one in the new area (so I also feel guilty about that). She is studying from home at the minute and looking for a part time job. I love her to death. But she has a more difficult character at times-and has been quite hard to live with for the last year or so-horrible attitude and behaviour towards us. She needs some help with her MH I think but she won’t agree and at the moment I don’t have the bandwidth to help her, which is also a source of guilt.
I’ve got so much to organise and manage-funeral, around which there is family in fighting, DD’s uni stuff, packing up our house and moving and everything around that and DD1 and her feelings about it all.
I will also need to find a new job but I’m going to commute to my current job (which I absolutely love and will miss when I leave) for now,as job hunting on top is too much.
I just want to get in bed and hide at the minute. I don’t know how to manage all this. Would counselling help? Medication? Feel panicky and heavy and rubbish and for the first time in my life I’ve got no energy to cope with any of this at all.any advice gratefully received