Having some kind of breakdown. Please help.

[theend]

Something is happening to me that I have no control over. I haven't stopped crying for 2 days. Can't stop thinking about dying, and how it would take the pain away. My head is totally messed up, and I keep thinking the most horrible things. My dp has just left for a night away for his leaving do.
Don't know what to do to get through the next few hours. Please help.

Where abouts are you, someone is bound to be near - sadly I'm not.

Your mother has been wholly unsympathatic, you cannot 'pull yourself together' you are ill.

Does she drive? You shouldn't have to get on the bus with DC in this state.

If she does drive ask her to bring the food/milk that you need.

Or ask a good friend, please give someone the opportunity to help you.

Theend I'm in the west midlands - do you want me to go to Tesco for you (I realise the west midlands is a big place) So let me know soon!

If you are still reading.......remember that this is all fine. You are having a blip.

It took me years and years of hiding my feelings and destroying myself inside my head before I stood up and said "enough".

It will change.
You can feel better than this.
You have to hit the low before you can build your way back out.

I'm going to link you to something VVV wrote (think it was here). Its lovely.

scroll to the very start for her words Not just for post natal but any periods of extreme low.

You can't do this alone.

You can do it with us.

Why is it that people who don't know me can realise I need help, but the people who are supposed to love me and care about me, have just walked away when I needed them.
I wouldn't subject anyone to sitting in my house right now, its a complete mess. Just want to get my head straight, stop thinking awful things like dp is off withanother woman that's why he didn't want me there. Still feel out of control, and am panicking about how much worse I will feel this evening.

Woman will you bloody tell us where you live already weve asked twice! And mess? Did you not come across my thread about the state of my house last month!?

Oh go dont temm me ive gone and done it again and upset someone Me and my bloody mouth im gonna go again before i get jumped on

Theend. You will not be alone this evening. That is what mumsnet is for! We'll be here for you.

Lynette I am in coventry. It is lovely of you to offer, but I couldn't burden anyone else with what is basically my day to day responsibility. I am going to phone my mum to see if she will pick some things up for me, then I am going to stop crying, phone the gp and try and thnk of something that doesn't hurt my head.
bruce thankyou for that link, I read it and realise I am sat at the bottom of the pit, waiting to have the energy or desire to start climbing out.

Oh that's it, I can't handle anymore. Rang my mum, said I was feeling no better, she ended up shouting at me for suggesting I might need ad's. And then said my dp was entitled to a night out to say goodbye to his work friends. I've really had enough now. Why am I bothering.

OK, but remember we're here this evening.

Sorry x posts.

Wow, sounds like your mother regards mental illness as a stigma, in which case please disregard her advice. If you need ADs you need ADs. Please don't let her attitude add to your worries - I hope you can get to see your GP very soon. Is your DP supportive when he is there?

From what i've read, in this instance, seem like a panic attack?

Oh, theend! This sounds very much like depression to me - I know all about that, trust me - so please, please call your gp NOW & get professional help. xx

Theend, no one in your life can help for two reasons:

1. they do not hear/see precisely what you have posted here

1. they have not felt the pain of depression and therefore are not in a position to fully understand

Did your mum bring the things you need?

You can do this. Your DP loves you and its hard for him to carry you when he doesn't know what he needs to do. Is he generally a caring, loving partner/father?

theend - how are you ?

I am a bit better now, not completely normal, but more in control of myself. I am very tired, and feel drained after spending the last few days in the state I was.

I realise I am, and have been for a long time, suffering from depression. Things can hit me out of the blue and can be triggered off by the smallest things. It must be confusing and tiring for my dp and family.

My mum feels strongly against ad's because she and other family members have had bad experiences with them. I am at the moment still wanting to try and take care of this problem myself without any medical help, and 98% of the time I manage it.

Thankyou for all your replies to my post. You really did help me in a time when I don't think much else could have. Thank goodness for MN.

I really feel that if somebody posts on here, no matter what the topic, other women should try and help, support, or just talk through the problem. We may not be experts in mental health, nor am I an expert on nutrition for example, but I would still pass on my advice and experience about food if I felt it could help in any way, and this should be the case for any topic.

Sometimes, typing away is all you feel you can do, and when anybody takes the time to reply it can be the tiny lift you need to get you off the ground.

theend, I'm glad the worst has passed. Its an uphill fight sometimes but don't rule out ADs. I have avoided them like the plague but if all other avenues don't get me to where I want to be, then I will try them. Try anything once is my mantra

Glad for your comments about people replying to this type of thread. Its exactly what I believe. When you are caught in a moment you can just need someone to ground you and give you perspective.

Keep going. Don't stop fighting. Do keep an open mind to all sorts of help.

Why struggle on alone? Fight for the right help for you (try it all, counselling, ADs, homeopathy, diet and exercise, the list is endless) and aim to feel a little better by July/August. Go for it. Nothing to lose xxxx.