Burnout, depression, addiction questions

[sheepandbear]

I’ve recently started seeing someone (we’re both late 40s) who has been honest and upfront from the start about his MH issues.
He suffered a burnout 5 years ago which developed into depression and anxiety. He then developed an addiction to his meds and went through detox.
He is doing great now. Super aware of MH issues and has so much empathy. These are traits that attracted me to him in the first place. He still sees a private counselor regularly and practices meditation. No meds at all and he doesn’t drink or smoke. He does have some anxiety about going to new places and driving but is working on it.
I have an inner voice telling me to run, to not let myself get involved with someone who has these problems. However, he is really lovely and so many people are in denial about their own MH issues that maybe the risk of his depression reoccurring is no worse than someone who has repressed their issues finally having a breakdown…?
I’d really appreciate any advice on the issue.
Should I just take this as a major red flag and run or am I being silly. How can I be supportive? Any first hand experience of having dealt with these issues or having supported a partner with them?
Thanks

Run like the wind

and if you have children, jump in a car and floor the accelerator

Why? Do you think it’s a sure thing he’ll relapse?
My kids are young adults fwiw.

How old is young adults? Still living at home?

because he has a very addictive personality

and a few years of being addiction free means squat all

Whatever he has told you
will have been hugely sugar coated

Does he have children?

Oh I remember your other thread

he has teens / young children

imagine what they endured for years OP

None live at home. One is home in holidays.

Nope, he doesn’t have any children!

I certainly wouldn't write someone off simply because of previous mental health problems. It sounds like he is doing well and managing things proactively.

However, I am concerned about your inner voice telling you to run. This sounds like your gut telling you that all may not be quite as it seems. Honestly, I would listen to your instincts... they're rarely wrong in my experience.

So why on other thread say teen / young child?

And he’s looking for work?

keeps getting better

I have no idea what you’re talking about…?

If your gut says run then run.

When I met DH he was suffering MH issues. He had dealt with a series of fatalities at work (job), his previous relationship broke up and his beloved Mum had died but....my gut feeling was that this was just a passing phase and I also realised that the more he spoke about all of the shitty stuff, the better he seemed so I decided to stick it out as at no point did my gut tell me to run.

Married 24 years and he is honestly a ray of sunshine.

Go with your gut. Always always always.

My gut is actually telling me he’s great. My head is telling me to take it slow but mostly because it’s a bit soon for me and I’m not looking to dive head first into a relationship with anyone yet.
My self-doubting inner voice is telling me to worry about the MH issues. Obviously I wouldn’t have posted for advice if not, but I wouldn’t say it’s a gut feeling. More my generally cautious nature…

I wouldn't run away from that at all. But I'm quite used to MH issues as I have my own very bad ones.
He's been honest and he's not using. He's seeing a counselor. That's all really positive.
I'd be shocked if someone said they'd never ever had depression or anxiety more than them saying they're getting over it with help!

That’s the one but he’s not looking for work! He’s in full time training as he doesn’t want to get back into the position he was in that caused the burnout. That is pretty much a none issue for me at this stage.

Hi OP, I’ve been in AA for so long that half my friends are long term recovering alcoholics and addicts, many with similar issues to those you describe. It wouldn’t put me off at all. Sometimes it can make people very empathic, very honest (we have a 12 step programme based on honesty) and I think it’s great that he trusts you. He’s given you the option to run for the hills early on.

I would take any relationship slowly as a matter of course. I wouldn’t regard this one any differently. Also, none of us know what might happen to us in the future and how we might react.

Ok so that changed In last couple of weeks

and you have young child / teens. That isn’t “young adult”

the fact you felt you could be honest about fact means you know this isn’t wise but you’re going to crack on anyway

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5335527-old-opinions-wanted

you’ve forgotten already?!

Have you got anything to lose by putting a time limit on it for a re-assess at that stage? He sounds like he's doing stuff to get back on track. What about making a star on the calendar in six months and see if he has made significant headway, stuck to his plans, no relapses regarding addictions etc. and decide from there.

I appreciate all replies and viewpoints but why are you being so mean and aggressive?
FWIW, there is absolutely nowhere in that post that I say I or he or anyone has young children

I don’t know if I am going to “crack on anyway.” Why would I bother posting if my mind was made up. I’m being cautious and have had some sensible advice from others so far...

That is really sound advice. Thank you. He has already asked me how I feel about his past and I said I needed time to think about things. I am leaning towards taking it slow (he lives 45 mins away and I am busy with work, sport, friends and kids (aged 19-25) anyway.

I wouldn’t end what could be a good relationship based on prejudice and stigma. He’s done a lot more work on himself than many people do and so many posters stay with men far worse!
Take things really slowly. Talk to him about what his triggers are for MH decline (sounds like work related stress is one but unless he’s rich he’ll need to earn at some point) and be honest about what you’re ok with and what you’re not.
Keep communicating and notice how he responds as the relationship develops.
It would be incredibly prejudiced to leave him when he’s done nothing wrong yet, and been open about his history. Most men are not!

@FutureCatMum
It would be incredibly prejudiced to leave him when he’s done nothing wrong yet, and been open about his history. Most men are not!

Very true. He is refreshingly communicative and open. I have absolutely no concerns of how he is now so I do feel like worrying about his past MH issues is prejudice. (But when it comes to dating, particularly if it’s going well, I am a worrier.)

@Thesecondcoff
just seen some of your comments on other, unrelated threads so I’ll write off your dogged determination to cause a row here and not take it personally. Hope you’re ok. Take time to read things properly before reacting so nastily though. Especially in the MH section please.