OLD opinions wanted

[sheepandbear]

Give me your thoughts:
(middle aged with teen/ young adult children.)
Have had lunch with M1 and a coffee date + several long FT calls with M2.

Man 1: sweet, respectable, good job (well paid, flexible schedule,) similar priorities, same stage in life, seems genuinely nice guy.
Red flags: maybe a bit too over enthusiastic with the flattery and pursuing. No real spark.

Man 2: massive spark/ fireworks! Empathic, open, intelligent, interesting, funny, feel super at ease with.
Red flags: recovering from MH issues after burn-out. Seems well but still working on getting back into work and gaining confidence to travel outside of his comfort zone (ie, his immediate surroundings.)

It’s a bit of a head v heart one and I should probably give up OLD and hope that a real life M3 comes along. WWYD?

Man 3. Don't waste time.

Just give them a chance and see where it goes. You don't have to marry them within the next 6 weeks (or at all). It's early days and there's no rush. If the red flags increase just end it.
You can date both and any future prospects as long as everyone's on the same page.
I met my DP OLD. I nearly dumped him fairly early on as he was very quiet and didn't seem too enthusiastic. My mate persuaded me to give him a chance. Turns out he's just shy. He's also more of a doer than a talker. We've been together nearly ten years and live together. He's the loveliest, kindest, most loving man I've ever met, the love of my life. And I nearly dumped him!

still working on getting back into work

Is that a flowery way of saying he’s unemployed?

I’m not in the UK and I think the system is different. He had a v well paid job and is now on « reconversion leave » whereby he is paid something like 90% of his past salary whilst re-training. So technically and statistically not unemployed. I wasn’t being flowery 😁

why do you have to pick one? Keep in touch in a low key way, get to know them better Do not have sex, see how things unfold. I tend to mistrust 'sparks' early on, because I know how i get interested in people, and it starts by being interesting to talk to, then funny/clever and then I start to find them 'attractive'

A couple of weeks would never be enough to find out what they are really like. If they fade out because of no sex on the first or whatever date, then good riddance.

First post nails it once again.

Neither. Keep looking.

I agree with PP1. You’ve got doubts already, so keep meeting people and don’t limit yourself.

I'd keep dating Man 1 if he's a nice guy and see where it goes and if the fireworks click. Man 2 has the real red flags.

Wondering how it went, but disagree with the posters who are saying “neither”.

Many women struggle to find any decent potential partners on OLD, and you found two…

MN is sadly has lots of posters who’s reflexive reaction is to dump the guy whatever the circumstances, basically because they’ve not found happiness with men, and therefore believe men are a lost cause full stop.

Only pursuing dates where you have no doubts at all is a bit daft. In my experience you often need to work through your feelings and doubts to know what you want. There’s so much I’d have missed out on in life if I’d aborted every time I had a single doubt.

I would not continue with man 2, but would give man 1 another chance. I’ve been married to someone with severe MH issues and never want to be in that kind of relationship again

Man 1 seems the best of the options. But as a PP said many of us are wary and tired of all men so ‘nice’ is better than ‘exciting’.