Burnout, depression, addiction questions

[sheepandbear]

I’ve recently started seeing someone (we’re both late 40s) who has been honest and upfront from the start about his MH issues.
He suffered a burnout 5 years ago which developed into depression and anxiety. He then developed an addiction to his meds and went through detox.
He is doing great now. Super aware of MH issues and has so much empathy. These are traits that attracted me to him in the first place. He still sees a private counselor regularly and practices meditation. No meds at all and he doesn’t drink or smoke. He does have some anxiety about going to new places and driving but is working on it.
I have an inner voice telling me to run, to not let myself get involved with someone who has these problems. However, he is really lovely and so many people are in denial about their own MH issues that maybe the risk of his depression reoccurring is no worse than someone who has repressed their issues finally having a breakdown…?
I’d really appreciate any advice on the issue.
Should I just take this as a major red flag and run or am I being silly. How can I be supportive? Any first hand experience of having dealt with these issues or having supported a partner with them?
Thanks

he could equally be exaggerating.

that would be very weird if he was “exaggerating”

Either way… the fact he’s not happy travelling beyond a very local area would mean it was a non starter for me.

It would be incredibly prejudiced to leave him when he’s done nothing wrong yet, and been open about his history. Most men are not!

No it would not be incredibly prejudiced. In general it would be prejudiced to behave in a discriminatory or offensive manner towards a person with MH problems. But when it comes to getting into a relationship- nope. You do not owe anyone a relationship or even a date. You get to decide who to date based purely on whether they will be good for YOU and have a positive effect on YOUR life. Is it certain he will relapse? No, of course it's not certain. But I would not in a million years take that risk getting into a new relationship. Not a chance.

It would be incredibly prejudiced to leave him when he’s done nothing wrong yet, and been open about his history. Most men are not!

fine if you’re not a parent. But no way would I be letting political correctness be getting in the way of me taking a decision not to pursue a relationship that I thought held the very real potential for introducing negative drama in to my family life

When you say addiction to his meds, do you mean to his antidepressants? There is a big difference here between addiction to antidepressants and to other drugs that he may have been given.

Can you even get addicted to ADs?

many are on them for life anyway

@Fingerpie that was what I was getting at. I don’t consider ADs as an addiction. I am on them for life and would be not best pleased if someone called me an addict! They are physically addictive but not in the same way as recreational drugs. I take them for my depression in the same way a diabetic person takes medication. If someone would discount me as a person because I took them or used to take them, then I would feel hurt. Frankly ridiculous as a huge amount of people take them and we can’t all not have a relationship!

No they’re not addictive

im wondering whether he’s been a little…. vague on the detail. Well of course he has, he art knows the op and they have met less than a handful of times…. You’re hardly going to give the full and unvarnished story in all its gory detail are you!

He might be absolutely lovely, but whether you should stick around or not depends on how you tend to be in relationships. I don’t think I would ever date someone with addiction issues or significant mental health problems because I’ve been there and done that and know I am co-dependent.
Your question about how best to support him, and your inner voice worrying about them, says to me that you may be too?

Since you mentioned anxiety I’m wondering if he’s had problems with benzodiazepines .

And I wonder if the “sparks” you mention in other thread could be because me this dynamic/him sharing too much early on

I think it would be useful to know what he was addicted to. SRRI's do need to be slowly reduced but DH was on a pretty high level for a couple of years and had no trouble coming off them over a few weeks (not saying others might not be different though). If it's benzo's then they are very addictive - but I don't think they'd have been prescribed in high doses or for long due to their addictive nature.

If we're talking SRRI's then I wouldn't be concerned, a lot of people take them for years and they're not addictive like other drugs because there's no high. They are so common that I really wouldn't be concerned at all and would call it dependence rather than addiction. Benzo's I'd be much. much more concerned about as they are very addictive and I believe the relapse rate there is high.

How did yesterday go with meeting his friends Op?

Someone struggling to come off medication that was prescribed for depression is not an addict. I wouldn't be ruling him out yet. Spend more time getting to know him and see how things go.

Precisely

So given he describes himself as an addict who actually had to go in to detox, I’m guessing it was depression meds

I’m guessing Saturday wasn’t a success

well at least that solves your dilemma op!

Have just seen a new wave if responses on this one!

@TimeForABreak4 nooo, he never described himself as an addict! MN can really distort things. He told me he had had a dependence on prescribed anti-ds (no idea what type) but is no longer on any

@NosetotoeSaturday was good. His friends are all lovely and I had a nice time. He asked me if we were together and exclusive and I explained my concerns and said I needed to take things very slowly and cautiously which is said is fine and he totally understands. We’re meeting for a walk on Wednesday.

He doesn’t want to travel out of his locality Op? That would be so restricting for the type of relationship I’d want in my forties with grown up children…. Don’t you want to travel? Weekend breaks? Days out? Explore? Try new places together?

He told me he had had a dependence on prescribed anti-ds

this caught my attention

that is likely a fib op. There is no AD that is addictive. People can be on them for life. And they have no immediate impact whatsoever…. It slows builds up over time.

That Op, means he’s seriously downplayed (euphemism for lies)
i would be worried

Yes! That’s the biggest issue for me really. Though, again, he seems to have exaggerated rather than downplayed this as he has managed to make it out to various places for dates so far. But yes, I love to travel so this is a problem.

Throw in the addiction to ADs, which is nonsense, I’m guessing this chap is drama and hasn’t given you the clear story.

and who wants a fun relationship with someone who can’t travel more than 40 mins from his front door?!

Possibly psychologically addicted to ADs, but physical addiction is only from things like benzodiazepines (e.g. Diazepam), alcohol or drugs.

He’s telling porkies if he’s saying he was addicted to ADs. And that will probably be tip of the iceberg.

OP hoping you have moved on. He didn’t want to travel and sounds like he’s got
one heck of a history, and a fairly recent one at that.