Hey lovely OP, I'm not going to even try talk you out of it. I've thought about suicide so many times. I have lots of health problems. It's usually driven by feeling HOPELESS. Nothing is going to change type feeling.
If you really need to leave then that's your choice and I feel people must respect this. My own dad took his life when I was young. I forgive everything. His suffering was too much. I understand, I get it.
The problem is that many attempts go wrong. Then you're left alive with the fall out of a failed attempt. That would be horrible for you to deal with. I've seen many failed attempts in hospital. It is worse than this feeling now.
Samaritans are good. They don't get in a panic when you say you're suicidal. Someone listening to you outside family is important for you.
Antidepressant can be rough. I found it rough about a week in. But by 6 weeks, it just provided a bit of comfort through the crap. If it gets tough in the first adjustment weeks, you could ask for diazepam to help you through. I did that.
You've got alot to deal with in your life and being made to feel a bit of a burden by your son isn't really helpful for you.
Give the tablets a bit if time to work. When they work, they can change alot.