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I think suicide is my best option

86 replies

Lonelyinabusyworld · 11/03/2025 09:09

I have struggled with my mental health my whole life but have somehow managed to raise 4 healthy children with my second husband. He now has early onset Dementia and the 2 boys who still live at home are planning to move out. We can’t afford to live here without their contributions but I can’t keep them here. They deserve their own lives. My two daughters are busy and somewhat distant although thriving. I’m 64 now and although I am well regarded and have a doctorate my health has not enabled us to set ourselves up well for a retirement. I had a conversation with my youngest son last night where he stated that he has never been able to leave home as he thought I wouldn’t cope. It made me feel terrible. I know the state will care for my husband - we are in the U.K. and I know the children especially my daughters will care for him as they seem to prefer his situation to mine. I have a plan to end it all. But don’t want to leave guilt behind. There is enough insurance money to enable a funeral for me and some to keep him going for a bit. Writing this down has given me some peace and determination that my not being here anymore is the best option to set them all free.m

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 11/03/2025 20:54

Can you downsize to a cheaper property?

Are you getting all the financial
assistance you are entitled to?

You don’t have to be a carer for your husband the LA can take over if you feel necessary- you could get carers allowance tho if you are caring for him

Titasaducksarse · 11/03/2025 20:56

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

sleepbabyirl · 11/03/2025 20:59

I know a family who lost their mother to suicide and it's ruined their whole lives. Two of the children (adults at time) took their own lives later on.

Well done getting help x

HardenYourHeart · 11/03/2025 21:05

Lonelyinabusyworld · 11/03/2025 11:54

I know this seems selfish and I hate myself even more for being this way. I just have been holding everything together and it’s all now out of my control. I already hate myself for even thinking this but I fell I don’t have a choice but to escape somehow. I’m not proud or what I plan but I can’t seem to see options.

You sound depressed and depression lies.

The only way you can protect others is to protect and take care of yourself. People have the best chance of thriving if their love ones thrive.

Mum2jenny · 11/03/2025 21:08

If you call the Samaritans, remember they are staffed with humans. You may gel with one call or you may not. If you find that’s the case, put the phone down and call 5 minutes later.
I found the support was generally amazing, but not always.
Your own kids love you absolutely and it will affect them if you end your life. Please don’t. **

butterfly0404 · 11/03/2025 21:08

An empty vessel can't pour x
You sound defeated, broken and hopeless.
I hope in time you find the strength to put yourself first and rebuild your self worth and strength. You would be so missed by those that love you. ❤️

Justhere65 · 11/03/2025 21:15

Please think very carefully about planning to end your life. You are very precious and your family clearly love you. I have also been bereaved by suicide and it can destroy families.
Please speak to a professional as there is help out there x

REP22 · 12/03/2025 10:12

How are you doing today @Lonelyinabusyworld ? I hope you're having a better day. Thinking of you. ❤️

MinnieCoops · 12/03/2025 12:34

I hope you're okay OP. If you need reassurance that you're doing the right thing by holding on, come here. We've got you. Suicide isn't the answer Flowers

2025willbemytime · 12/03/2025 12:41

Thinking of you @Lonelyinabusyworld

I've realised today it really is just a day at a time as I've been struggling today. We can all support each other.

NovemberMorn · 12/03/2025 12:59

Lonelyinabusyworld · 11/03/2025 19:49

I just want to say thank you for all the people who took the time to respond to me. I saw my psychiatrist today and she has put me on antidepressants although they may take 3 weeks to ‘kick in’. I can’t say I feel more positive or that the idea or even plan has disappeared but I am touched by the words you have shared. Peace x

Take one day at a time, you have spent your life nurturing others, you deserve to have kindness repaid.
Remember good times, they can be such a comfort, enjoy little things you may have taken for granted.
You have been brave to talk about your feelings, I hope it's helped, I'm sure it's also helped others who may feel the same.....because you are not alone. ❤

Lonelyinabusyworld · 12/03/2025 15:59

Thank you for checking in. I’m still here so I’m just taking that!

OP posts:
REP22 · 12/03/2025 16:06

That's good to hear @Lonelyinabusyworld - keep going, one little step at a time. It will be alright. x

Wishyouwerehere50 · 12/03/2025 16:08

Hey lovely OP, I'm not going to even try talk you out of it. I've thought about suicide so many times. I have lots of health problems. It's usually driven by feeling HOPELESS. Nothing is going to change type feeling.

If you really need to leave then that's your choice and I feel people must respect this. My own dad took his life when I was young. I forgive everything. His suffering was too much. I understand, I get it.

The problem is that many attempts go wrong. Then you're left alive with the fall out of a failed attempt. That would be horrible for you to deal with. I've seen many failed attempts in hospital. It is worse than this feeling now.

Samaritans are good. They don't get in a panic when you say you're suicidal. Someone listening to you outside family is important for you.

Antidepressant can be rough. I found it rough about a week in. But by 6 weeks, it just provided a bit of comfort through the crap. If it gets tough in the first adjustment weeks, you could ask for diazepam to help you through. I did that.

You've got alot to deal with in your life and being made to feel a bit of a burden by your son isn't really helpful for you.

Give the tablets a bit if time to work. When they work, they can change alot.

LazyStupidandGodless · 12/03/2025 16:15

Lonelyinabusyworld · 11/03/2025 09:09

I have struggled with my mental health my whole life but have somehow managed to raise 4 healthy children with my second husband. He now has early onset Dementia and the 2 boys who still live at home are planning to move out. We can’t afford to live here without their contributions but I can’t keep them here. They deserve their own lives. My two daughters are busy and somewhat distant although thriving. I’m 64 now and although I am well regarded and have a doctorate my health has not enabled us to set ourselves up well for a retirement. I had a conversation with my youngest son last night where he stated that he has never been able to leave home as he thought I wouldn’t cope. It made me feel terrible. I know the state will care for my husband - we are in the U.K. and I know the children especially my daughters will care for him as they seem to prefer his situation to mine. I have a plan to end it all. But don’t want to leave guilt behind. There is enough insurance money to enable a funeral for me and some to keep him going for a bit. Writing this down has given me some peace and determination that my not being here anymore is the best option to set them all free.m

Hey OP - how are you doing today?

I hope you draw strength from the day and all our concern to fight the darkness.

If you are in London you can self-refer to The Listening Place who hold face-to-face sessions if talking on the phone lives you feeling bad. They provide regular meetings to help you manage your thoughts - it may feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel but please believe that life is worth staying around for.

Sending you big hugs!

Home - The Listening Place

We provide free, regular, face-to-face support across London so that people can talk openly about their suicidal feelings.

https://listeningplace.org.uk/

2025willbemytime · 12/03/2025 17:36

Lonelyinabusyworld · 12/03/2025 15:59

Thank you for checking in. I’m still here so I’m just taking that!

Very happy to see you @Lonelyinabusyworld .

Jenkib · 12/03/2025 17:49

Lonelyinabusyworld · 11/03/2025 09:09

I have struggled with my mental health my whole life but have somehow managed to raise 4 healthy children with my second husband. He now has early onset Dementia and the 2 boys who still live at home are planning to move out. We can’t afford to live here without their contributions but I can’t keep them here. They deserve their own lives. My two daughters are busy and somewhat distant although thriving. I’m 64 now and although I am well regarded and have a doctorate my health has not enabled us to set ourselves up well for a retirement. I had a conversation with my youngest son last night where he stated that he has never been able to leave home as he thought I wouldn’t cope. It made me feel terrible. I know the state will care for my husband - we are in the U.K. and I know the children especially my daughters will care for him as they seem to prefer his situation to mine. I have a plan to end it all. But don’t want to leave guilt behind. There is enough insurance money to enable a funeral for me and some to keep him going for a bit. Writing this down has given me some peace and determination that my not being here anymore is the best option to set them all free.m

I am so sorry to read this.
Do you get some respite from looking after your husband (carer support ) There are charities that could possibly help. Have you had a needs assessment (for him and you)
My father has dementia and whilst I dont live near them, I go when I can and it is taking its toll on my mum massively.
Your children need you - please do not under estimate this. I have felt beyond hope at times and my 2 children are the main thing that keep me going.
Samaritans have always been excellent - they just listen (I have unloaded many times but felt lighter as a resutt)

Do you have any hobbies /interests that could give you a little break ?
Do you take meds ?
Mind have some excellent support groups on their website (they direct you to local activities)
All the best x

ForAzureSeal · 12/03/2025 22:31

Sending love @Lonelyinabusyworld ❤️ no expectation of a response X just know that someone out here, probably many if us, who are thinking of you and holding you ❤️

kerstina · 13/03/2025 12:45

How are you feeling today OP? I have had mental health struggles my whole life too and also personal experiences of caring for my Mum with dementia.
I was sectioned at one point after going missing and wanting to end it all.
Dementia is hard for those who care for them but your children’s support could offer you some respite. Why are your sons leaving now, have you suggested it ? Could you get a lodger in to help pay the bills?
Dementia is usually slow to progress , and there are lots of ways you can make your life easier caring for them by learning how to make them feel safe . My mom has severe dementia but I still am able to connect with her and the bond is still there.

PinkFloydFan67 · 13/03/2025 19:36

I completely get it OP. I recently told my brother that I wanted to die. He was obviously upset but he knows what a terrible struggle my life is and he knows that I am facing a future filled with little but more darkness. I don't have any advice for you but just wanted you to know I completely understand where you're coming from.

LastHeraldMage · 14/03/2025 10:04

Lonelyinabusyworld · 12/03/2025 15:59

Thank you for checking in. I’m still here so I’m just taking that!

Hello you, how are you today?

I'm glad you're still here x

MinnieCoops · 14/03/2025 10:20

Hope you’re doing okay OP and that you’re safe x

WobblyWinter · 14/03/2025 16:17

My teenage daughter took her own life a few years ago.

Please don’t do this to your family.

I go to a support group and there are many adult children there who have lost a parent to suicide, some many year ago. The guilt and the pain is off the scale. They think about their loved ones every day and are always wondering what went wrong, why they weren’t enough. The endless questions with no hope of answers is a lifelong torment.

Please get help. You are more loved than you will ever know.

2025willbemytime · 14/03/2025 17:32

I'm sorry @WobblyWinter 💐

Goinggonegone · 14/03/2025 19:14

Sending love to you, OP.
I hope this thread is helping you feel less alone.