grieving, feeling low, trying to support lots but feeling drained......need a little something for me please.....

[Psychomum5]

sorry....shouldn;t be here I don;t think as I am not depressed as such, but I just need to let it out, and not wanting it in chat and people giving 'light' answers IYGWIM.

I am drained and low tonight.......am feeling quite rung out and not sure on my reserves.

I cannot go to DH....he is deeply grieving for his grandma, as are all the children and me, but I feel as tho I don;t have the right to feel this bad.

couple of insensitiv comments have come in.....one from my aunt, one from someone I thought a friend, now feeling utterly crap about ((Flame, if you are reading.....tis P.....text crapness))

anyhoo.....am needding to pull me out of this slump and need something for me, so this really feels quite self indulgent.....but.....I want to continue supporting and I know that to do that, I need something for me.

help

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

((aunty rang, need to bash something/stab something/scream loudly))

oh darling ((((((((more squeezes))))))

Why is she ringing again???

How you doing now.

I am a tad pink again Planted oodles though!

Am I heading to you straight from school tomorrow?

just had MIL and FIL here for dinner....was tearful.

((aunty wanted to say that she was sending a card, but not to MIL, to us all......she has issues with MIL......god.....am furious....oh, and to also accuse me of lieing regarding dancing and lack of shows!!!))((she is odd))

anyhooooo.......yes for tomorrow.....got lots to do, and am out of focus still.

oh, and flowers to plan, can you please help???

arghhhhhhhh......heart hurts.

I know sod all about flowers but sure - do you have a florist set up?

Just breathe - she is an odd little woman. With strange shoes.

I need to buy some veg tomorrow if we're that way at all. Need to make it last all week, spent too much at B&Q and now have sod all food money

I need treasure box still....juie took two costumes to do, I still have one tho((will be sewed all odd I reckon going on me this week))

florist.....thought you knew one!!! arghhhhhhh.....I dont know.......

ermmm......mum just gave money for clothes for the girls, and I kind of know what they want......me......in hell....nothing fits properly.

oh, got to sort balloons too to take as Tash wants to let off pictures....she has done some lovely ones.

Lol I do know florist - didn't know if you were wanting help with which flowers at a florist you have, or if you want the number for simonis!

We can sort somethign for you. It is for an afternoon - it doesn't have to be stunning, just look respectable.

Simonis will sort helium balloons too if you want them to

(Not relevant... but did you see my thread about Boy being fixed here )

Can we use your car today please? The wing mirror fell off driving and I wanna get a new mirror but DH needs to fit it - not comfortable (or legal!!) driving with just one mirror all day

just in need of a hug today....

am going to the register office with MIL to register the death, plus going to the chapel of rest to see grandma.....

oh god, this is so hard

(((((((((massive hug)))))))))))))
ill be thinking of you darling xx

((((((psycho)))))

Hi psycho, just read your thread (had missied it previusly, not sure how) and just wanted to send some extra hugs your way.
Hadn't realised how much you had on your plate just now tbh, so strong vibes coming your way.

thank you.....my heart feels shredded

grandma looked so peaceful I am glad to have gone, and honoured that mum (MIL) asked for me to go with her, but my god, I can't do that again.......it has been an awfully draining and grief felt day.

it was so hard tho......grandma still had her weeding ring on, and mum didn;t want her buried with it, not grandma in fact, so she asked me to try to get it off....I couldn;t, I felt as tho I would break grandma in some way, then mum, and then me.

the funeral director came in tho, and he sorted it out for us, and then gave it to us in a ring box, with grandma's name on.....mum has felt much more peaceful since.

mum and grandma have been so close....mum is an only child, her dad was a professional football player (seems that grandma could be counted as one of the very first WAG's ), and so they were each others best friend.......mum is so lost she says....she has me and my SIL, but we are not her mum and cannot replace that.

oh......heart broken here

oh god ive been thinking about you all day(when awake).youve done something today i know i couldnt do and im very proud of YOU!
my heart is breaking for you darling.forever hugs xxxx

thankyou sweetheart.

I got your text, but I couldn't reply.....I came when we were in the car waiting to go into the register office, and it meant so much, but to reply would have started the tears far too soon IYGWIM.

nice to have a proud comment back....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

its fine.i just needed you to know ok.just let it all out.you know what you said to me well that applies to you aswell.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hmm...need to take some of my own advice too don;t I sometimes....

thankyou, timely reminder

hugs....

I thought that you were just going to the register office - you didn't mention the chapel of rest

been thinking of you from afar psycho xxx

thankyou MoM...

have had to go back to the chapel today, holly and natasha wanted me to place pictures and a teddy in with grandma.

flame came, she waited for me to go in.....the lovely lady there said that she would do it for me....I felt unable to go in myself.

flame gave me a huge hugs after......she is being so wonderful...

heart break here this moring.....I had place the sympathy cards somewhere, the ones to go onto the flowers......I wanted simon to write it, and so brought them home, then lost them.....it broke me trying to find them.

they ended up ebing in my purse all along!!!

I wrote one, then smudged it, simon tried, and made a mistake....we had a third and it was done, but it was so hard.

all seems to be getting sorted tho, but I am alone today and not in a good frame of mind.....flame is coming later tho, and said to sleep.....I will try.

sorry......moaning away, I am so sorry.

feeling sad for you love, glad that flame is able to help you with this, much love
OJ

((((((psycho)))))xxxx

Thinking of you Psycho, call if you need a chat x