grieving, feeling low, trying to support lots but feeling drained......need a little something for me please.....

[Psychomum5]

sorry....shouldn;t be here I don;t think as I am not depressed as such, but I just need to let it out, and not wanting it in chat and people giving 'light' answers IYGWIM.

I am drained and low tonight.......am feeling quite rung out and not sure on my reserves.

I cannot go to DH....he is deeply grieving for his grandma, as are all the children and me, but I feel as tho I don;t have the right to feel this bad.

couple of insensitiv comments have come in.....one from my aunt, one from someone I thought a friend, now feeling utterly crap about ((Flame, if you are reading.....tis P.....text crapness))

anyhoo.....am needding to pull me out of this slump and need something for me, so this really feels quite self indulgent.....but.....I want to continue supporting and I know that to do that, I need something for me.

help

Was A not always about??? I vaguely remember her when DS2 was born (was she the very pregnant one then or was that D???), my first clear memory though was at Serendipity's for a birthday of some sort (am thinking yours, but why would we go to soft play for YOUR birthday???) when I was preg.

No..... your birthday I knew her more by then because she let me eat cake.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

I cannot delete...you are in charge of dlete

I can do that. Even better - Flameboy can do that. Then it was an accident and no guilt.

A was about from when I met P.

I met her each party, but we were not 'close'

P moved

I started wortk at tesco and met you before P moved

I got to know A as she had sophie and I was pregnant with J......and yet....I was closer to you already!!!!

P made A be close as she could not!!

P and A made me feel like shit

you and me made me feel better

P and A made me feel like shit

you tried to make me feel better

P and A made me feel like shit

YOU helped me gete thro A

you now helping me get thro P!!!!

I love you

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

my 30th

Sophie party

chris party

max party

jacob party

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

hell

god knows

we did do dippitys on my 30th, so I would not be alone all day and we could entertain the kiddies!!!

you were pregnant with B!

YES! So I would have seen her then, and then your party was surprise.

So my brain isn't a big melty mess - I knew it was your birthday.

My baby is crying I need to go fix him and then pass out. Especially if I am doing a car boot sale

Untamed Heart.

swend me a link...no idea what to look for!!!!

hugs for the car boot.....and PMSL for it too

here

I always watch it and can't remember why it sets me off... then I end up with big snotty tears

Not seen it since our video died. I must buy a dvd copy.

Dude stopped crying (I think Boy has him), but I am stil tired so will go

thankyou honey.

please can you press red on CVQ thread...she said ds name..I have pressed red...no idea if theybwill understsnd me[blush[

done

and she did it agin

Gah!

How's you today? Tis too bloody early here Fabulous weather though!

mutant mice

had dreams of aunty.....

I am ok-ish.....feeling a little as tho I had too much wine tho.

heart still aches.....when does that stop???

Hello you! How are you doing today?

I have to agree with Flame, delete P's number! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh (but I have said it before) I think she takes advantage of you and is only a friend when she needs something. I met her for the first time after your first bad accident (was it last yr?) and she swanned off leaving you with your 5 and 4 of her children while you were in a right state. I was really quite cross about that! And the numerous times she has spoken you your children (and hers for that matter) in a horrible way!!!

M is not a bad child at all. The times he has been here, he has been a sweetheart. I can't believe she said that to him!!! If someone spoke to my child like that, then I would be having nothing more to do with them. Who does she think she is? From what I have seen, her children are far, far worse!

You and I are are lifes copers. Again, I know I give too much and take too little and that is hard to change...I think Flame is the same tbh. You need time for you (pot and kettle springing to mind again )

I know I am a bit further away, so can't often give hugs in person, but I am always here for you (and Flame) (and anyone else if they want )

The heartache will gradually fade. This is the worst part. I am guessing you haven't had the funeral yet. It starts to get a little easier after that. You can't move on while there are still things like that to get through.

squirdle........just your support is wonderful......distance doesn;t change how we offer and receive support....it just feels better being thought of.

god, feel so sick this morning actually......maybe it is the heat.

Hmm me too! Feeling a bit better today though. Kept having to tell C not to be nice to me yesterday as I kept crying...ooh now I am off again Too many bad memories being stirred up, too many scary dreams. Wondering if this is actually good for me. Should be being busy though as we have German exchange student arriving on Thursday and I have soooooo much to do!

funeral is on thursday..........going to the regster office with MIL of tuesday......not sure hwo that will be TBH.....she and I have not done this before....(well, maybe she did with her mum when her dad died, not sure??)

P......thankyou for advice......I am some times not sure whether I am seeing her wrong, and that she is the nromal one , me not.....does that make sense???

I feel abnormal around her......as tho I am somehow ,........oh, I don;t understnad my jumbly head this morning.....had bad dreams and then julie rang and woke me up adn I am stuck in some weird world.....

If she makes you feel like that, then she is not a friend! She has the problem, not you!

squidle.....your dreams are a normal way of your memories making sense of crap.....do you get what I mean.

I guess, to get better and past it, we need to go back for a time and deal with things with the wisdom of our adult heads, and the cushion of time.

hark at me.......I cannot deal with these memories myself at times.

you know tho, I am always here for you too......mutual need and mutual support is oftern a better thing than one sided support and guilt for needing.....if we share, we help and recieve!

((psycho babbling and not sure she is making sense))

I know thats what is supposed to happen, but if it makes me feel like I did yesterday, then I don't want to do it!

Arrgghh, why couldn't I have just had a normal life!

{{{{{{{squeeze}}}}}}}

oh squrdle.....life is crap isn't it!

I do think that we get given lessons that WE can deal with, and that we choose before we come here.....does that make sense??

I am not overly relgious, but I DO believe in some higher power, or else, what point is there to life.......

I DO believe that we have a path tofollow thro life, and the path is one that is laid down for us in bits that make us stronger, even if at the time it feels as tho it is breaking us. we are not given anything really tho that will completely break us, we get to learn and walk on again......even of we walk on again with a limp for a while.

IwillNOT{{{{{{{{SQEEZE}}}}}}}}}} back at'cha