For most of my life I have never been able to get a grip on my anxiety, are some people just destined to suffer all their lives?

[Normansglasseye]

I have struggled with anxiety and anxiety related conditions (odc, panic disorder, weird thoughts etc) since I was a very small child, I am almost 52 now.

It has come in peaks and troughs but has always been lurking in the background, I have never been free of it. The last 6 years have been dreadful (perimenopause and caring for a parent with dementia certainly does not help). Over the years I have tried many, many things to help. Endless CBT sessions, very expensive hypnotherapy, seen counsellors and psychologists. I have tried EMDR, I practice breathwork, yoga, mindfulness, exercise every day and always have done, very healthy living (boringly so), sleep well etc......

I have tried various meds but they all upset my terrible IBS, which is most probably connected to the gut/brain/anxiety cycle (although I do have endometriosis and have been told it could be on my bowel). HRT hasn't helped either. I have tried lots of alternative stuff but they don't have much of an effect on me.

I just feel as though suffering from anxiety and a whole myriad of poor mental health issues is probably my destiny and after all these years I may never be free of it. I genuinely see it as some kind of disability now, something I just can not seem to free myself from.

I will add that I am currently awaiting an ADHD assessment (was advised to seek this by my psychiatrist) and not sure if I will be diagnosed or not but I do often wonder if this may have been the cause of my mental anguish for most of my life and the reason why I struggle to control it or why I go to pieces when there is too much stress in my life?

Is this something anyone else can understand? I have friends who have suffered from bouts of anxiety throughout their lives but they have always overcome them or have managed it well without it having too much of an impact to their lives but I never seem to have been able to get a tight grip on everything.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I feel mine always lurks and can relate a lot to that Also have IBS funnily enough and probably have ADHD and maybe ASD. My kids are all autistic, my DD also has anxiety, they all have gut issues too. There is some overlap and a lot of interaction between DDs asd and the anxiety. but also some very distinct elements.. If I am ND I do also have anxiety. Periods of something OCD like, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks at times. I am on a antidepressant that helps a bit. Some of it's help is in making it possible for me to sleep, have chronic pain which they cant do anyhinf about. Because of my kids I'm in a few groups on FB for people who are autistic or parents of autistic kids and quite a few of them feel they're autistic or have ADHD and theres a lot of similar life experiences and yes it's had a big negative impact on their lives. So I think if you do have ADHD that could be a big part of why you feel how you do.

I’m so sorry. The only solution I have found is accepting the medication and living with the bowel impact. It’s a juggle. I have one medication that I must not get dehydrated on as can lead to kidney or liver failure so I’m not supposed to take if I have diahhorea and another one that causes even worse tummy upset than my mental health meds.

I did similar to you and threw everything at it but medication. That worked well enough till it didn’t and I was sectioned in my 50s. Medication worked quickly and I was soon discharged. Serious and chronic mood orders require medication in the same way serious chronic physical illness do. The other techniques are important too but beyond a certain level of illness you’re not going to be well enough to access the techniques without medication. I thought I was over complaining but it turned out I was under complaining about how ill I was.

All the best with your tough situation.

What specifically are you anxious about? Can you describe a particular train of thought that's distressed you but turned out not to be true/

I've felt the same as you at times but I've come to the conclusion that a lot of my anxiety stemmed from being too hard on myself. I probably have inattentive AdHD and yes it's probably at the root of many 'difficulties". But actually I am doing well in many many ways and you are too. You arent failing to cope with life, you are coping all too well! Give yourself credit for the good things you do, the hard work you put in every day, the people you support, all the things you value...because people with ADHD feel many many things possibly more acutely than others..joy beauty detail.
HRT, Vitamin D, nature, enjoying small pleasures and not comparing myself to others or trying to FIX myself constantly have been of great benefit.

I am starting to wonder if this may be part of the puzzle. I am starting with the ADHD assessment but I do also show slot of ASD traits too so that may possibly be another part of the puzzle. I do wonder if my gut issues are also tied up with all of this.
It's been a long journey to try and find some answers.

I do think for some people it's a personality type, the same for animals, some are just a lot more anxious than others I guess it's a survival trait. I've always been anxious and so has everyone in my family. I thought it was due to traumatic life experiences until I had my kids and they are the same. Now I think it's just genetic really. Something I realised is I feed my anxiety. I notice it all the time, how high or low is it now, I measure my life experiences in terms of what amount of anxiety they cause me, I'm always reaching to feel that ever present sensation. I've been having some success with saying, well yes I'm always anxious but is the sensation of happiness here too? And trying to consciously feel happy and focus on that and feed that instead even though it starts off like a tiny spark barely there and the anxiety is what is making the most noise. I can't say if it will work but it is nice to realise I have more happiness in me than I thought.

I have tried various ssri's and duloxetine but they all made me feel so unwell that I had to stop taking them after a month or so, I just couldn't work.
I have reached a point where I would love to find a medication to help. I may need to start that journey again and speak to my GP regarding alternatives meds.

I can only imagine mine is life long. Started at 16, so 25 years.
Things help but ultimately it's who I am.

That's the thing, there isn't one particular thing/S which trigger it. I will wake in a state of high anxiety/panic and it stays with me all day. I am calmer in the evenings for some reason.

Phrases like "get a grip" that you are using, show you see yourself as someone failing to pull yourself together, who has to FIX herself. You offer evidence of multiple attempts to FIX yourself and so called proof of your failings in this department. Maybe it is time to accept yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. What do you enjoy? What makes you happy? What good thing happened today...for example you said you slept well..brilliant!

Thank you, I think you are probably right. I am very hard on myself, it feels like such a failure when so many others seem to be able to control mental health issues with CBT, yoga etc, it seems so simplistic but has always been a struggle for me, every new thing I throw at it which doesn't help is another big failure.

A surge of cortisol is the reason many people wake up feeling anxious. It's very normal but if you don't know that it can feel like a threat;

Once you wake feeling anxious you determine (not unreasonably) that there MUST be something to worry about and you start scanning. This video helps you to stop that automatic action;

I knew you were going to mention nurodivergence! I struggled with anxiety massively but as soon as I got my autism and adhd diagnosis and I read up on them my anxiety disappeared. Years and years I lost to misdiagnosis. Something about understanding yourself makes life so much easier. making small changes so the anxiety can't build up becomes easy. And you feel better in yourself because you are not broken or wrong you are just different

I've always been like it and accepted it now.
I think of it like Tigger in the Tao of Pooh, i don't need to be unbounced. Anxiety comes in handy for planning and not forgetting things. I'm the master of logistics and days out.

It's not just a surge though, this anxiety lasts until the evening time.

I practice morning hypnosis (recording from face to face hypnotherapy) and yoga and have a calm morning routine but it's still the same. Every day.

Poor gut health can cause anxiety as well as other symptoms. Do you take probiotics, drink kefir etc? It takes a long time to heal the gut, but it is something you can change over time and hopefully it would improve your anxiety.

In a lot of ways I am hoping to receive a diagnosis as it would allow me to fully understand how and why I've been the way I am since early childhood. It would feel like a piece of a missing puzzle I suppose.

How did you cope with the diagnosis initially? Did you go through a period of mourning for those lost years of misunderstanding yourself?

I have tried lots of different probiotics but they either did nothing or worsened my diarrhoea. I have been trialling plant based kefir recently as I can not tolerate dairy but it's early days (a month) so not sure just yet.
I do live in hope of fixing my gut issues and if that helps my anxiety is will be a blessed relief.

What do you hope to achieve by the morning hypnosis? Unless you've trained in it all you'll get is frustrated. Have you tried just listening to what the anxiety is telling you and then using your logic to decide if it's true or not?

Maybe could try a low amount of something like amitryptiline before bed which is an old fashioned antidepressant, helps with sleep as well. It is a small tablet as well might be ok with the tummy.

Or something like proponolol

also the calm app might help.

As I mentioned in my reply, the hypnotherapy recording is from my face to face sessions with a professional hypnotherapist. I had 3 months of hypnotherapy for my gut issues and she advised that I listen to the recording every morning before I get up.
The anxiety isn't telling me anything, it genuinely feels more physical than anything else and is much better by the evening, it's not as though I am going through my day with constant negative talk. I am trying lots of gentle ways to move throughout my day but still it stays.

I used to take Nortriptyline at low dose but it made me very drowsy. When my GP discovered that my mum has dementia she advised me to wean off as it can (possibly) cause dementia.

I listen to the Calm app's sleep stories every night and practise meditation via the app too.

I have never been offered propranalol, I'll ask my GP about that, thanks.

I'd second propranalol. Im like you, your age, always been anxious, a pervasive non-specific kind that can't be pinned down. The propranalol takes the edge off the physical symptoms/feelings. I find exercise helps me, being outdoors somewhere green also. I drink too much as a coping mechanism...Im cutting down now and have noticed that the morning cortisol surge is really bad after wine the night before, and non-existent if I go to bed sober. Bizarrely, for someone who tends to roll their eyes at a lot of self help stuff, I have found positive mantras realy, really helpful. One of my therapists suggested it. So I just say over and over 'I am safe and I am well.' Or if soemthing I actually can pinpoint is troubling me, it might be 'I was scared/lost/whatever then, and now I am safe/happy/whatever.'