For most of my life I have never been able to get a grip on my anxiety, are some people just destined to suffer all their lives?

[Normansglasseye]

I have struggled with anxiety and anxiety related conditions (odc, panic disorder, weird thoughts etc) since I was a very small child, I am almost 52 now.

It has come in peaks and troughs but has always been lurking in the background, I have never been free of it. The last 6 years have been dreadful (perimenopause and caring for a parent with dementia certainly does not help). Over the years I have tried many, many things to help. Endless CBT sessions, very expensive hypnotherapy, seen counsellors and psychologists. I have tried EMDR, I practice breathwork, yoga, mindfulness, exercise every day and always have done, very healthy living (boringly so), sleep well etc......

I have tried various meds but they all upset my terrible IBS, which is most probably connected to the gut/brain/anxiety cycle (although I do have endometriosis and have been told it could be on my bowel). HRT hasn't helped either. I have tried lots of alternative stuff but they don't have much of an effect on me.

I just feel as though suffering from anxiety and a whole myriad of poor mental health issues is probably my destiny and after all these years I may never be free of it. I genuinely see it as some kind of disability now, something I just can not seem to free myself from.

I will add that I am currently awaiting an ADHD assessment (was advised to seek this by my psychiatrist) and not sure if I will be diagnosed or not but I do often wonder if this may have been the cause of my mental anguish for most of my life and the reason why I struggle to control it or why I go to pieces when there is too much stress in my life?

Is this something anyone else can understand? I have friends who have suffered from bouts of anxiety throughout their lives but they have always overcome them or have managed it well without it having too much of an impact to their lives but I never seem to have been able to get a tight grip on everything.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Have you tried doing a load of cardio first thing?

One of the interesting things I've found is that my anxiety ramped UP with things like yoga or meditation or quiet reflection or spa treatments.. Distraction worked much better! Like staring at different things in the street (like front doors for example), or sweeping the floor or sorting piles of papers out.or singing... Intricate and absorbing diversions which were the opposite of rumination.
I used to cry after pregnancy yoga. I had no idea whether I was meant to be breathing in or out and I felt like exploding..possibly it was not suited to my ADHD brain. What I was after was a nice chat with some other mothers to be, I've now realised...connections...but not yoga...
Some HRT really does make you feel better, some worse. HRT with sandrena and ultrogestan suited me whereas one of the patches with synthetic progesterone made me feel dreadfully anxious.

Prefacing this by saying I'm certainly no expert! But could it be you've been misdiagnosed and what you actually need is either ADHD medication? Or that you are ASD?

I agree with another poster that if you need meds you should take them. I'm not say that lightly as gut issues sound awful but it sounds like the first most chronic condition to be solved needs to be the anxiety...then throw everything you have at the IBS/gut problems once you know how you're reacting on the medication.

Could it also be that if the anxiety really quietens down over time through medication that the gut issues might also calm down too, given there seems to be some kind of link there?

This might sound a bit left field, but I suffered with anxiety from mid teens til early 50s and then I got a dog. I've no idea whether it's a coincidence but my anxiety gradually diminished, my depression lifted and I felt there was a reason and purpose to life.

Sadly my gorgeous dear dog had to be PTS last year, I'm obviously devastated but the anxiety and depression have not returned (as I feared it would)

Positive mantras help me too. I think it is called neuro linguistic programming isn't it? I've been watching Severance on Apple plus and some of the wellness sessions with Miss Casey made me smile -" your innie can reverse park in 20 seconds..." not true of me but so true of many helpful things one can say to oneself!!!

CBT can be very invalidating. You are not the problem. Most Neurodivergent people have MH issues and some degree of trauma in their backgrounds due to the lack of goodness of fit with the environment.

I also have a wonderful dog, now seven years old but for some people fitting the dog into a busy existence will add to anxiety, unfortunately.
I think dogs raise oxytocin in some people. Just sitting next to my dog makes me feel both calm and cheerful, a dog walk is reviving
But worrying about leaving the dog too long or not giving him what he needs can add difficulty

That's exactly how we feel with yoga (and meditation), everyone says how great it is but the more I do the more agitated it makes me feel. Good to hear from someone else who feels the same. I find I'm much better when I walk my dog every day over the fields.

I'd love for hrt to help but I've tried several types and they have all made my endometriosis and adenomyosis pain worse. I'm under the menopause clinic at my hospital and they've advised me not to take it until I can get a hysterectomy.

I wish I could find a medication which helped. All the ones I tried gave me the worst diarrhoea, I just couldn't carry on living in the loo all the time. It was a nightmare.

thecatdidit
Nettleskeins
I have had dogs all my life I am a big animal lover. from 2012 until 2022 we had the most wonderful dog, he was the light of my life and I miss him every single day. I couldn't bear to live without a dog so we got a rescue a few months later.
Bless him, he is so so much work, life has not been easy with him at all and he has cost us a small fortune in dog behaviour fees. We love him to bits but he is far from a stress reducer but at least he drags me over fields and woodland twice a day and as a nature lover that does help somewhat.

@Normansglasseye
It was kind of a relief to get the diagnosis. I was sure I was before it was official (I have autistic kids).

Definitely had a couple years of simmering anger at the misdiagnosis. Particularly when I see my kids while not supported with school they at least understand who they are. It really brings it home to me if I'd have known back at school my life would have gone a very different path

I could have written this myself. I have really bad anxiety and phobias that stopped me from leaving the house for a whole year. I have made a lot of progress, to the point where I can go out and do things again, but honestly my life is still plagued by it. It’s exhausting, physically and mentally. I’ve tried years of different therapies, medication, alternative therapies etc. I’ve just got to a place of acceptance now, dealing with the uncomfortable symptoms as and when they happen and really honed in on my coping strategies. Sending you hugs OP.

Speak to your GP about propranolol. Unbelievable that this hasn’t been suggested to you already. MH care in this country can be appalling.

It’s a beta blocker so it calms down your bodily response to anxiety. It was a game changer for me and knowing I have a spare pack is a great source of comfort.

I get you, really do. I am getting to the point that I am struggling to leave my house, it's my safe haven. I gave up work in November, I can not afford to but I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything as I was a carer for a disabled person and just couldn't continue caring for everyone but myself. I now spend my time going to my parents round the corner from me and dropping off and picking up dd from college, that is the extent of my life atm. If I didn't have those responsibilities I would stay at home all day, every day.

It is very encouraging that you are making progress, can I ask if you are doing it with medication? I need something but am terrified as everything I have tried made me feel awful.

It is so exhausting, isn't it? I need to get to a place of acceptance, I know, it's so difficult because I have spent so long trying to fight it, to push my way through it.

Good luck with your progress, I hope you continue to do really well x

I have seen propranolol mentioned on anxiety support groups and can't understand why no GP has prescribed it to me. I do have quite low blood pressure though so I wonder if this may be why? I will ask (if I can ever get an appointment!).

I think so. Another ND family here. Depression and anxiety meds make me ten times worse. I’d like to try emdr therapy but finances won’t stretch at the moment. I just about function in terms of the basics, and I’ve accepted that.

The reading Good Energy by Calley Means.

Have you tried ACT? Acceptance and Commitment therapy? If you have ADHD then CBT is awful for that but ACT is supposed to be better.

I have heard of it. I'll ask my GP.

I‘m sorry anxiety has such a grip on you. I can relate and it’s brutal. I’ve suffered with it my whole adult life, some times worse than others as you mentioned.
its under control right now but always simmering and it doesn’t take much for it to take over life again.
Medication has helped me as well as plenty of exercise.
I’ve written on more detail about living other anxiety and my coping strategies here:

The only thing I have found to help is medication. I have ibs too and it really flares up when my anxiety is bad, so medication actually helps my Ibs luckily. Are the side effects too bad to live with? It could really help with the mental symptoms

Hi OP, could I ask if you have a critical inner voice?
Have any of the therapists helped you uncover any possible root cause from your childhood?
What was your relationship with your parents like?

I have the same. Can wake up feeling anxious, depressed or occasionally fine. No rhyme or reason to it. I’m post meno and thinking this is just my lot in life now.

I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t anxious. So I have now reached the point where I do not believe it is treatable. I am 50. I rarely leave the house. I have no friends.
I really hope you are able to access help x

I was diagnosed ASD a few years ago, turned out that helped me turn things around and learn how to manage things and process the past.

If you do have ADHD the medication can be a game changer. I’ve heard from several people that they didn’t realise the constant anxiety they had was like an internal hyperactivity.