Can anyone offer me small human kindness

[LovingHelper]

I am currently on a hospital ward following a failed suicide attempt a few days ago.
I am sectioned, waiting for a mental health bed to be available.
Only my eldest daughter has visited and bought me essentials. Friend 1 berated down the phone to me how bad I was as a person. Friend 2 is currently busy with a divorce so understanbly not available to me.
I am a single mother with no contact with mum and only a self absorbed brother.
I don't know if it's the antipsychotics but I feel so numb, I have no feelings for my children or anything else.
I feel shame and embarrassment for failing and want to try again.
I am on a busy ward, constantly under observation. I just need someone to talk to. Thank you

I'm glad you are safe, and sorry it is making you feel so bad.

You are worthy and you deserve to be here. I hope you get appropriate help very soon. 💐💐💐

I don’t know if this is any help op but I came across this Leonard Cohen quote today:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

How are you doing now OP, do they have a bed for you yet? Well done for reaching out for help xx

MissHollysDolly Hi, I am on a psychiatric ward now.
I just stay in my room and they have started to notice I am missing meals because I am scared to put on more weight with the Olanzapine.
My sleeping slightly improving too.
The consultant psychiatrist does not give me 1:1 on this ward so I have been trying to ligature with sheets etc but not been successful. I have no belongings in the room and each time I am caught self harming they take it away and say like remove a pillow too. So in the end I will have nothing.
So yes, I have been going cold turkey on self harm which has meant I need to use my DbT skills more.
I'm hoping I can go home next week.

You'll get through this op, the medication can take time to settle down and help, but now you're on the psychiatric ward, and on the meds things are heading in the right direction.

Purely from the pov that I don't like it when people are hurting, I'm saddened that you are still feeling like you need to hurt yourself, but I understand the process behind it and hope that you can overcome and change that process.

You're doing well here op, wanting to get better is half the battle and you do and you're taking steps to make that happen.

Sending you love and some peace tonight and hoping your sleep continues to improve.

Do you get any treatment on the psychiatric ward apart from medication? It doesn’t seem very therapeutic to leave you alone in your room all day.

Maverickess Thank you for your reply.
FOuradayistoomuch
Unfortunately there is not much in the way of psychological or therapeutic work, That's all in the comunity. Instead the ward is based on medications and stabilising the person. There is TV, art room (if open) and bed.

Hi,
The meds are still taking effect. I still have voices and thoughts but not as invasive as before. However, I have now developed a routine of staying in my room until night and have refused to eat or drink little for the pass 3 days.
I have just lost my appetite for anything. I still feel suicidal but might lie about this on ward round on Monday so I can go home.

Hi OP,

Im sorry you’re having such a hard time. It’s your life and your decision but I would really encourage you to be honest with your health care providers. It may not feel like it but they’re trying to keep you as safe as they can.

I would also encourage you to eat something, however small. And make sure you’re having regular drinks.

Could you show your nurse or doctor this thread perhaps? If you’re struggling to find the words to tell them how you feel?

Keep posting here if you’re finding it helpful xxx

Op please try and eat a little something.

It will help your mood.

Also, please don’t lie to the doctors about your suicidal thoughts. If you go home now you will be back to square one.

You have innate worth. Please try and let others help you. 💐

How are you doing op?

Thank you for asking. I am still in mental hospital. They are trying another antipsychotic. Something in my head tells me I can't eat or drink from the hospital so I am relying on my daughter and brother to provide a meal. I feel.bad for burdening them like this.

The suicidal.feelings have slightly calmed down although I have been in my room alot to avoid being triggered.
Thank you all so much for the support.
I was really in a bad place but you made it more bearable and gave me hope

I don’t wish to sound flippant but your mind is doing a good job protecting you from NHS food op 😆😆

Joking aside, I’m so glad to hear that you feel slightly more hopeful 💐

It can’t be at all easy for you in hospital but if it helps to find you the right drug that will assist in your recovery; then on balance it’s probably worth it.

And please don’t feel badly about asking your brother and dd for help. Love is a verb and you are obviously loved 💐💐💐

Glad you are doing ok, OP.

The universe needs you here! 💐💐💐

I'm glad that you're still getting treatment, it can feel like an endless slog trying different ones and doses until you get the right combination.

If I were your DD or brother I'd be happy to take you meals, would know I was helping you, which is what I'd want to do.

You've come a long way since you first posted OP, I don't mean to sound patronising but you're doing really well. Accepting that you need the help is often the hardest part.

@LovingHelperhow are you doing? Been thinking of you sending you 💕🙏🏻

Thank you mumpea for asking!
I am doing much better.
I spent three months in hospital and I have been getting weekly therapy since.
I was in a really bad place this time last year but things have slowly gotten better.
I wanted to say a big thank you to everyone that supported me on this thread, you really helped someone in need.
I hope one day I can pass it forward to someone else.

@LovingHelperglad your doing a bit better and therapy is helping just keep being proud of yourself for reaching out and getting help. My sister tried to take her life so many times and got help and therapy too she’s thriving now ten years on baking, getting out for walks helped just slowing down and enjoying little things.
Your a special woman and meant to be here x

This is amazing to hear OP.