Can anyone offer me small human kindness

[LovingHelper]

I am currently on a hospital ward following a failed suicide attempt a few days ago.
I am sectioned, waiting for a mental health bed to be available.
Only my eldest daughter has visited and bought me essentials. Friend 1 berated down the phone to me how bad I was as a person. Friend 2 is currently busy with a divorce so understanbly not available to me.
I am a single mother with no contact with mum and only a self absorbed brother.
I don't know if it's the antipsychotics but I feel so numb, I have no feelings for my children or anything else.
I feel shame and embarrassment for failing and want to try again.
I am on a busy ward, constantly under observation. I just need someone to talk to. Thank you

Hi again Lovinghelper

I agree with what Maverickess
and the others have said.

I know it’s horrible in a six bed bay and must seem absolutely intolerable. But if you leave hospital now, you will be setting your treatment back to the beginning again.

Please try and hang in there and give yourself a chance to feel better. Sending strength.

Btw I am interested in your nn. If you don’t mind me asking, were you in a caring role? Obviously you don’t have to answer that here. Can you try and be a loving helper to yourself now? That’s what you really need atm.

Hi Anychocolatesleft111,
Yoy are very perceptive. I actually have a caring role in the NHS. I am able to compassionately care for my patients but currently unable to extend it to.myself.
A kind nurse has walked me.around the ward a few times for a change of scenery which has really helped clear my mind for now.

Hand hold. 💐It won’t be long before warmer days are here, and you’ll be able to feel the warmth of the sun on your face, see those beautiful clear blue skies of summer. Smell freshly cut grass. Listen to bird song. Tiny steps forward.

You have just as much right to be here on Planet Earth as anyone or anything else. You are a child of the universe.

Please don't harm yourself. This too shall pass.

SophieGee - that imagery sounds lovely, I just wish I was able to enjoy it with a full.encompassing heart and Mind.
BettyBardMacDonald that is one of my favourite phrase "This too shall pass"

I have only slept 1 hr but have now had another warm shower whilst the ward is sleeping and feeling refreshed. Will probably scroll on you tube and pace a bit to distract and tire myself.
I hope tomorrow a bed is found for me.

Everything crossed for a bed for you tomorrow.

When I have been at my lowest, I look for silly videos on youtube, ones that make me laugh, even when I don’t feel like there are any laughs left. Or Mumsnet Classics.

I’m sorry I didn’t answer last night. I fell
asleep! I hope you managed to get some good quality sleep too LovingHelper. I’m so glad that there are some kind nurses where you are.

Isn’t it ironic that we put all of our energy in to our caring roles and neglect ourselves in the process? Or don’t feel that we are deserving of the same level of care? Or we don’t see ourselves as in need of respite? When in reality everyone deserves all of those things. Working for the NHS atm in any capacity is no picnic.

I know a doctor who was so burned out that he developed a psychosis and didn’t feel safe so he got himself to the nearest police station to get help. He had to go to be treated as an in-patient but responded well and is back at work now; but he is taking more breaks and setting more boundaries for himself.

I hope you have a better day on the ward. The longer you are there; the nearer you are to getting more appropriate treatment 💐

Friend 1 doesn't sound like a true friend.

Just because she has never expereinced anything like it, she should have shown some empathy. Would she react in the same way to someone hospitalised with a physical condition ?
It may not feel like it, but you will get better - it may just take time.
Is your adult daughter supportive?
Friend 2 MAY surprise you (I mean if you told her )
Hugs x

Friend 1 made me upset but was saying I was self sabotaging as I recently returned to work after 3 year sick leave from previous mental episode. She has made me really evaluaye the friendship.
My daughter is a star, she is working but comes to visit and is looking after her siblings in various ways. I have not told her why I am in hospital as I am so ashamed.
I am coping through pacing, listening to things and secretly self harming when I can. This helps me get by. The voices I am getting are telling me to harm myself, derogatory remarks and to harm others at times. I keep thinking about what I can do when I get home. I am unable to tell the Mental Health team fully as it causes more trouble and intervention which I don't want. I am due to go back to work next month and I am hoping the antipsychotics will work in time to allow this.

Dear OP, sending virtual hug and handhold. Please believe all the caring people on here who are on your side, not the voices that tell you to harm yourself.💐

I hope you had a better afternoon.

What do you listen to in order to distract yourself? Do you have much space to pace around?

Sending you lots of hugs and positivity xx

What stood out immediately from your first post was 'and I want to try again'.

This came from your heart and signifies a strength and resilience you might not know you have. There's hope for a brighter future OP.

How are things now? Have they found you a bed in a MH unit?

Hi all,
I became agitated as I am cooped up in a curtained Bay and tried to leave the ward where I had to be calmed.down by staff.
They offered me a side room so thankfully that's where I am now with enough space to pace without annoying other patients. I also have access to own toilet and shower room so I am now able to keep myself clean.
They have also changed my antipsychotic medication again and have kept me on benzos to keep me settled and quiet.
There are talks of me being discharged straight from this hospital if I react well to the medication. So.I might not see a mental hospital bed. The plan keeps changing so I am just trying to focus on the here and now.

Do you think you are safe to be discharged OP or are you still making plans to try again?

The side room is an improvement with now having some privacy and not having to worry about the other patients and annoying them.

How do you feel you're responding to the new meds?

It's only been my first day on Olanzapine and they are going to up the dose tomorrow.
So I still don't know how it affects.me.
I am just hoping to feel.less suicidal.and influenced by voices and thoughts
I'll be honest I don't feel safe to be discharged at the moment. They were also questioning section 17 leave so I can have 15 mins of fresh air but I'll be honest I won't be coming back willingly.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. Please know that feeling numb is perfectly normal and it's a way to keep you safe. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Your friend was obviously really upset and it came out as anger. This is not helpful but I can imagine she will apologise and she just wishes she could help you.
I've been sectioned before. I didn't end up going to a psych ward due to lack of beds. So they just gave me a one to one RMN in a normal ward.
I'm going to bed soon but I hope you can get some sleep and things start to feel better for you soon. X

I hope things improve for you! Take the help you are offered.

You are a child of the universe just like the trees, flowers and sky. The universe needs you. 💐

I think what friend 1 says was actually true and you are being too harsh on her.
Plus you trying to escape and needing to be calmed will be recorded in the notes, and the self harming and not able to be honest with MH team about your feelings is not uncommon, but not ideal.

Hello
How are you today ?
Have you got anything to do...puzzles a book magazines ?
If not can you ask someone to bring you some...maybe a ward auxiliary ?
Sorry not to be helpful I just wanted to say hello 👋

Good morning OP, did you manage to get some rest?

Agree with a previous poster that some things to distract you would be great. Magazines, puzzles, maybe watching something on YouTube or Netflix.

Remember Samaritans are there 24/7 if you need someone to talk things through with. Sometimes it can be really good to just say out loud how you’re feeling and get everything off your chest. You don’t have to be suicidal to call- the line is for anyone who is in crisis.

Hi OP, I know it is difficult but they need to keep you safe while you are feeling so low.
I think they do know how serious it is, otherwise you wouldn’t have been admitted.
You will be feeling exhausted due to lack of sleep so try not to expect too much from yourself today and rest as much as you can.
Sending you strength and hugs. FWIW there are lots of strangers on MN who are rooting for you and are here to support you as much as we can.

Hi OP. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It must feel really unsettling to be in different surroundings. It's not really the ideal environment, I'm sure. But they're trying to keep you safe and this is the best they can do with the resources available.

Having a room now must be a bit of a relief, I hope.

Please try and keep yourself safe as much as you can. I've been very suicidal myself in the past - I'm so glad now that I stuck through it, even though it was hell at the time. It's not necessarily a quick thing to recover, but you do have things to look forward to. Promise x