Don’t know what AIBU means but 28 had mortgage with gf at 22 and walked in on her and a guy now treated like I’m a child again because things have been hard

[Foleyator]

I find it hard what to write not great at articulating.
finished school (28 now) and got a scholarship in finance spent years working from 17. 2 older brothers and father all in a trade. Managed to save enough to get a mortgage on a place with my first love was with her for 7 years. After 3 months I walked in one day and a guy was in my bed with her. I left and it was hard and had to go back with parents. This caused me to drink or other things and I had a hard time (always working) now I have got things together but it’s still not easy. I recently had my vehicle crashed into and I lost my deposit and didn’t have gap insurance currently now in a very seducled location with my parents and 40 mins to the nearest bus stop. They open all my post and they tell me because of my times when I was depressed and drinking that I shouldn’t get another car. They tell me there’s no point getting all the work I try to get (I do a trade now too) because im just going to waste the money. All my family drink every night without fail they need to. A lot aswell. They constantly tell me im an alcoholic because while I was in a bad way I did have drink one day in the morning. I agree it’s bad but I don’t drink daily and I cannot pull them up on their drinking without them going mad but I have to just take it being me with the huge problem. I even have gone to AA meetings which I found really good but me doing so has been used against me asking why I went to the meetings. They don’t realise they have a problem I feel proud I can atleast admit these moments I’ve had are wrong and have tried my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. My question is how do I approach them and get them to actually respect me. It really hurts that I’m told there’s no point getting a van because of things in the past or there’s no point me working everytime I win some work I tell my parents and I’d love them to be happy for me but instead it’s ‘you’re just going to waste the money anyway’ and when this is the response sometimes I actually feel like maybe they’re right. What’s the point :/ but I’m focused on staying strong and proving them wrong but it’s not easy. Shouldn’t the people closest to me be helping me and building me up not pushing me down ?

Your family aren't going to change. The best thing from what it sounds for you is to be tee total. I dabbled for years in binge drinking and I've been happier since I stopped drinking. It's just empty calories and sugar.

You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't worry about what you love or who you are, what you love will change and who you are will change. Life is full of unpredictable events and the more we try and get things to stay the same or back to what they were it's about uphill struggle. Security and independence sound like good things to aim for in your shoes. That can take many forms. Don't compare your journey with anyone else's.

Make a success of your own life in spite of challenges.

You sound lovely and seem to be in the firing line of getting blamed for everything - a lot of families are like that and have roles given in childhood that never change whatever you do afterwards. Absolutely infuriating!!
You sound like you've had a bad time starting with your girlfriend's betrayal and bad advice and support after that.
You need to make a plan.
What would you advise a friend to do in your situation?
Do that, step by step.
You need your own home, job and independence so start looking and applying for jobs now, then save and get out.
Is there anyone you can stay with sooner so that you can get away from your toxic parents? It's them not you so get out. They are bad for you in many ways so you def need to escape their negative hold on you.
They sound awful, truly.
Seeing you low makes them feel better than their own sad selves.
Sorry you haven't got the parents you need. You are normal, we all seek our parents approval even when you're old like me! I never got it but it never stopped me trying and has made me improve myself over the years to seek it. I still never got it but improved my life in the process and you can too. I promise. Start today, you will feel so much better as soon as you take the steps towards your goals.
If you've got a job before, you can do it again, they are trying to take you down as they're scared of your success and your potential. It's their bad not yours xxxx
You can do this so start now.