What to do - Even my therapist dislikes me

[Pickandmixmood]

I’m starting to realise that even my therapist dislikes me now that she has got to know me.
I think there is something fundamentally rotten inside me that she can see and that is really upsetting me because I don’t try to be odious.
I’m in two minds about whether to stop seeing her as I have already stopped seeing my psychiatrist for the same reason.
Maybe I just have to accept that everyone can see I am evil and give up trying.

I don’t like being forced to take medication and I can’t make decisions to take it when it is optional

Can you expand on that a bit ?

If it is optional why can you not make a decision ?

This is your illness causing these thoughts.

You are not evil and you don’t make bad things happen.

It is very important your tell your psychiatrist you are having these thoughts. They won’t judge you, they will want to help you.

Really hope you get some support and feel better soon.

I’ve had bad experiences in the past when I was medicated against my will so I hate taking anything now.
I feel that I would be weak to take stuff when I should be able to cope without them.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Wishing you very best
💐

That’s understandable- but now you do have a choice. You could have a conversation about what kind of medication or the dosage initially even if you may decide in the end it’s not for you. But you sound as if you are struggling anyway so it may be worth a try ?

It’s not weak to take medicine that helps us - it’s not weak to take insulin if you are diabetic and mental health is no different.

It's very sad that we talk to ourselves like this - if you have a headache, is it weak to use ibuprofen? If you break your leg, is it weak to get it put in a cast? Brains are just another bit of the body and sometimes they need treating for illnesses - almost 15% of the UK population had a prescriptions for anti-depressants in 2021/22, so more than 1 in 10 people you see every day also needs help to fix their brains. That's not weak, and I wonder if you would say the same to a friend who was suffering and needed help? I bet you wouldn't, because you'd want them to get better.

I really don’t think I am ill though so I just need to stop being so selfish and lazy.

What makes you think you are selfish?

I’m am quite fortunate in many ways but I don’t appreciate that enough. There are a lot of people who are dealing with worse things in life but they manage to get through the days without struggling as much as me.

Well, it's true that everybody struggles in ways they don't show. It's probably fair to say, though, that not too many other people are struggling with a sense of being evil. That's quite a lot to struggle with, so I think you can let yourself off a bit for feeling that it's hard.

It's a very well-known fact, too, that those of us with hard experiences in our past can struggle more than most. (Again, though, we rarely show it!) The events and/or people in your past that seeded this belief about yourself must have been quite difficult to cope with. Give yourself a bit of credit 🙂

Please do be more open with your therapist and the shrink. It's perfectly fine to tell them you sense that they dislike you, and why you believe they should. This is how therapy starts, it's all about conversations that would feel awkward in other situations.

You aren't evil op. It sounds like medication would help. Please talk to your therapist and tell your Dr these things too.

Unless you walk around deliberately physically and mentally hurting others, breaking the law constantly and causing danger all around you on purpose, then you're not 'evil'.
You are suffering from extreme low self esteem. The therapist doesn't hate you. They are trained to try and help you, and some of the things they say might be hard to cope with.
If you don't want to keep seeing them then don't. But you're not well. It's your mental health issues telling you you're evil. Nobody else thinks that. Because it's not true.

OP how do you think the evil got in there?

I think it was put there as punishment

Punishment for what?

What exactly have you done, said, thought that is evil. Or needs punishing.

If you are ‘rotten’ that has to manifest in some way.

Op I say this gently. But it’s far more likely you are not evil, don’t need punishing and are not rotten. And it’s far more likely that you believe they don’t like you, because you can convince yourself to give up therapy. You are mentally ill. So am I. But you need to realise it’s the mental illness that’s talking here.

Thank you for all the kind responses and advice. I really wish what you are saying is true but unfortunately it isn’t.

OP your thread is entitled ‘what to do’, so it seems you do actually want some advice on how to change the situation you’re in. You’ve been given lots of fab advice on here, is there any that you think will be useful to you?

Op I don’t think this thread is helpful for your mental state.

It’s appears that all you want to do is spend time convincing us you are evil. Because your mental illness wants to keep going with that narrative. you want to just keep telling us all you are evil again and again.

This is indulging a really dysfunctional and damaging behaviour that you have.

You can’t give an example of why you are evil. Or why you would be punished. You are looking to have your mental illness indulged.

Again, that’s not usual. It doesn’t make you evil, before you say that’s proof. But it’s not healthy and I don’t think it’s helping

Would you like to tell us about the evil things you do, @Pickandmixmood?
Also, do you ever do good things - like favours for people, give to charity, assist a stranger?

I’m not mentally ill though. I think I would prefer that to just being rotten inside but I’m not.

There are people who do awful things, like serial murderers and rapists for example. Most of them are not "mentally ill" but they are mentally abnormal. Something went wrong with their development. They could still benefit from therapy, though, because they could learn ways to live without wreaking destruction.

The only thing that stopped them choosing a healthier way was that they couldn't stand being honest about who they are, even in the privacy of a therapist's room. It sounds like this is what you're saying - is that so?

I am being honest about who I am. It’s upsetting that even my therapist dislikes me but I haven’t stopped seeing her yet.

You definitely need to talk to your therapist about this, and if they suggest seeing a medically qualified psychiatrist who can prescribe appropriate medication, I would listen to them.

If you aren't doing evil things or wishing evil things, you aren't evil or rotten. Your therapist will see you as just another patient, definitely not the worst, but how much they can help you is limited by how open you are with them.

But if you’re as evil as you say you are, why are you surprised that she dislikes you? And why do you care… evil people don’t tend to be bothered what other people think of them?

Do you see the point? If you were evil, you wouldn’t care that you were evil. You wouldn’t be seeking therapy, and you wouldn’t care what your therapist thinks of you.