Coping with anxiety

[Whycantgiraffesdance]

How do u cope with anxiety day to day? I have PND and generalised anxiety disorder. The later I suspect I’ve had most of my adult life, stemming from childhood. I thought I’d come out of the other side of the PND but I have a good few weeks and then I just nosedive again and the anxiety is so bad I can barely breath, I worry about EVERYTHING and I just get so tired of life. I try to keep thinking positive that’s it’s just a blip but it just feels so awful while I’m going through it.

im on ADs, I take promithazine for calming the anxiety, I’ve had years of counselling yet I’m still suffering.

is this just my life now? 😥

As with all types of anxiety the best way to tackle it is to look at the root cause. It's good that you aware that it started in childhood (as is the case for most people). Did the counselling address it and, if so, how? (if you don't mind me asking).

alot of it stems from losing my father to alcoholism and the angst that bought about for so many years. Covered extensively in counselling but doesn’t take away the fact I’m still suffering from anxiety 10 years later. I’ve made peace with my dad’s death but it’s left me with a legacy of anxiety!

If you've made peace with your dad's death why are you still suffering from angst and anxiety as a consequence?

@Whycantgiraffesdance having an understanding of how a problem started is useful but you're right that the problem exists in the present. Anxiety isn't a question of the contents of thoughts (though it does feel like it is) so much as process/the way you deal with thoughts. This is just as well because imagine trying to deal with the content of every single worry - impossible! You might find CBT more focused on helping you examine your anxiety in the specific way it manifests for you, to work out what may be keeping it going and help you find different ways of behaving and tolerating uncertainty.

If you are able to go private then you could find a BABCP accredited CBT therapist rather than a counsellor (nothing against counsellors at all!). Accredited CBT therapists are listed on the CBT register but wherever you find one make sure they're accredited by BABCP. I hope you find helpful support 💐babcp.com/CBTRegister/Search#/

Thank you@YouOKHun I am currently doing online CBT but I think face to face would be better so might look into that.

@Eyesopenwideawake with all due respect if I knew why I don’t think I’d be posting here today! I believe I have become a very anxious person because of years of living with an alcoholic father and the unpredictability of it all. But at this present moment in time I also believe that motherhood and hormones are playing a big part in why I still suffer. I am very overwhelmed by life in general, sometimes it’s much more manageable and then all of a sudden it’s not!

Hi OP, I seriously sympathise

Anxiety is no joke, there's not a minute I'm not anxious , I'm anxious 24/7. For no reason too. I think of worst case scenario about everything. I've suffered with anxiety my whole life but since having DS a year ago I'm much worse , I think I've developed OCD also. I'm scared of everything, it's debilitating. I'm not on medication as I have health anxiety and I'm too scared but I've done CBT before and I'm currently on a waiting list to do more sessions.

It sucks op. You're not alone , sending love xxxxx

Hello, as a fellow anxiety sufferer, I can relate, however I can not relate to losing a parent and how hard that must be. Even after so long, i’m sure it doesn’t get any easier, so don’t feel like it shouldn’t still be with you, it might always be with you. I have learnt to try and not fight anxiety, it’s a part of who I am now, and Instead of trying to get rid of it, I try to just manage it.

One thing that takes some practice, but has helped me, is meditation and breathing exercises. The more you practice, the easier it is to calm your mind when you need to.

Have you tried any other meds? I have 100mg of sertraline (well 50mg as of this week, weening off them fingers crossed) and they have really taken the edge off for me. I was very much against taking meds for myself, but it got to the point where everyday was a battle, so I gave in, and that was the best choice I ever made. Sertraline merely boost your seretonin, and although I get some other mild symptoms (night sweats for one) I much prefer the occasional sweat to having anxiety every day.

I still have anxious days, especially during PMS, but I notice it coming more now, and take things easy on those days and do nice cosy things, like gardening, jigsaws… I dont try to send the anxiety away, I refocus my attention on something that makes me happy for as long as I can!

I do hope you find some calm 💚

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive and I agree with you that your experiences about your father may well be the cause of the over-anxiety. When there's uncertainty in early life, especially from a care giver who should be trusted but can't be, the subconscious will set up strategies to try and protect you. Being alert all the time, not trusting people, being unable to truly relax, etc.

You would think the death of your dad would stop this but your subconscious needs to know directly that it can 'stand down' and formulate new and better strategies because the old ones are not only unnecessary but are taking away from your happiness.

Does this make sense?

No apology needed and yes that does make sense, thank you. I just feel like I have no control over how I’m feeling no matter what strategies I put in place 🙈

Sorry you’re struggling with anxiety so much, this helped me, this guy is amazing he’s a therapist but writes a lot for psychology today & I think American anxiety organisations. I found it really helpful

https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/thoughts-are-just-thoughts

Thank you @hippysunshine @anxious247 so sorry you also suffer, it’s just constant isn’t it.

I’ve tried several different tablets, citalopram kept me stable for years and then when things went downhill after having my second child I was switched to venlafaxine. It works to a degree but I just get these sudden lows every so often where the anxiety beats me.

I have tried meditation but I probably haven’t done it enough to make a huge difference.

hoping this feeling will pass again in a few days and I’ll get some respite! X

Meditation is hard for me, I used an app that started me off on like 10seconds and then built it up that way.

Do you have any hobbies that you like doing that are just for you? I find gardening and jigsaws help to calm my mind when i’m having a bad day. I work from home, so it’s easy for me to do the things that help calm me, but i’m sure if you work outside the home and have children, finding moments of calm can be hard.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Forget today, it is what it is, tomorrow will be better 🥰

I feel your pain. Suffered 24/7 for as long as I remember - decades now. Only truly relaxed when I'm on my own, with my cat and dogs. I am not shy-so social anxiety just perplexes me but if I am amongst others for more than an hour or so, I just feel like I have to go home as I'm overwhelmed. This includes my family members too. Not my kids so much. It's bizarre. I've been on most of the meds like SSRIs and SRNI's. I find Sertraline an enormous help but at 100mg it's still not stopping the anxiety. It's worse in the mornings for me. I take the occasional Diazepam when I'm spiralling into panic mode, but am very careful to avoid using more than once or twice a month. I'm also very lucky to have a GP who prescribes them for me, and it makes me mad that others have to suffer due to over the top 'guidelines' from the medical community.

Just popping this book on here that I found helpful and got some good takeaways from. It’s very relatable, and written in a super simple way without being complex and hard to follow. It’s a short read too which helps:

^^

Thank you everyone, you are all very kind!

How do u manage day to day @anxious247 ? I just want to crawl into bed and come out when it’s all over. I manage to get the kids from school etc but it takes so much effort and I’m always worried I’ll have a panic attack or start crying and embarrass myself 🙈

@Whycantgiraffesdance I try distract myself as much as possible, like cleaning the house or some self care, when I feel a panic attack come on I take deep breaths and run my hands under cold water and splash cold water at the back of my neck.

I slightly have agoraphobia too I fear leaving the house incase of a panic attack in public (which I have many of times) I often wait for dp to come home from work to leave the house so we can go out together.

I cry most nights as I just find anxiety debilitating , but know your not alone OP. It's actually mad how much people suffer with this horrible mental illness.

Also , I have an app called I AM, and it sends me lots of daily affirmations about anxiety that help me sometimes.

What's your diet like OP? I'm overweight and eat a lot of junk and I rarely walk or move my body really. I go through fazes where I eat really healthy & go walks and my anxiety decreases massively it's mad. But sometimes I'm just not in the head space to eat good 24/7 and going walks.

The best natural tips I do that I find helpful are:

• healthy diet
• exercise - even a 30 min walk a day
• cut out caffeine completely
• distract yourself
• talk about things!!! (Can't stress this one enough, if you are close to someone, open up, I cry to dp every night and just explain what's going on in my head)

• understand your anxiety - Keeping a diary of what you are doing and how you feel at different times may help you understand why you’re anxious and identify ways to manage or get rid of anxiety.

• face your fears gradually. - feel the fear and do it anyways

Here are some of my favourite affirmations for anxiety -

❤️ This is only temporary
❤️ I am in control
❤️ I can take things one step at a time
❤️ I've felt this before and I was okay
❤️ I've made it through before and I'll make it through again
❤️ anxiety does not define me
❤️ I am heathy and well
❤️ I can control how I respond to my thoughts
❤️ I am a good person
❤️ I welcome happiness and joy into my day
❤️ I will let worry go
❤️ I know everything will work out
❤️ you are okay
❤️ breathe
❤️ I know everything will work out

Exposure therapy can be really beneficial also. Open up OP talk to those around you. It's okay not to be okay. There's help out there , we can do this. Slow steps, we'll get there eventually.

There's light at the end of this awful tunnel , sending you love and I'm here if you need a chat 🥰

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I think a lot of anxiety comes from an attempt to escape painful feelings. Certain guided meditations have helped me bring those feelings to the foreground and sit with them non judgementally. My mind raced a lot less when I figured that out. Lots of therapies are cognitively based but it’s missing a big piece of the puzzle which is your body and your emotions. You can also see anxiety as a warning bell and ask what it’s trying to tell you. If you are lonely and lack purpose and connection in life then it’s natural and inevitable that you will feel anxious / depressed. The SSRIs / ADs will never fix the issue as you don’t have a defective brain, you have a reactive nervous system. You need to look at root causes, the emotional body, and environmental factors (your life and how you feel about it).

Often I think it's really not as simple as getting to the bottom of what causes your anxiety and then getting over it. Anxiety can be hereditary and run in families, you may just be an anxious person and maybe that's part of why your dad turned to alcohol (obviously no idea if that is correct or not, just a possibility).

Maybe just accepting yourself as an anxious person rather than seeing yourself as completely broken and having to be fixed would help? And then making your life as stress free as you can to reduce as much anxiety causing stuff as you can - choose not to have any more children, choose to work part time, choose only to have friendships that are positive, choose to only entertain relatives that are positive, choose to live a really healthy life style ,make time to do things you enjoy. Obviously some of these may be easier than others!

Having a new baby and juggling another child is extremely, extremely stressful. Even if you are an anxious person that doesn't mean your anxiety will always be terrible, you are at a particularly stressful time and you need to be kind to yourself. Also get as much help and support as you can and also considering upping your meds with things are really stressful.

@anxious247 i could certainly do with eating more healthily and doing more exercise i just find it really hard to get motivated when im feeling this anxious and I tend to get stomach issues caused by the anxiety which makes me lose my appetite!

I think there’s validity in both of what your saying @InWithPeaceOutWithStress and @Jessie1259 but I do believe that I am just an anxious person, a lot of my dads side of the family are and I know that I’ll never be completely free from it but I’d like to make it more manageable and not be dreading these awful periods of worry and sadness which are really quite debilitating.

ive got a doctors appt tonight so im going to discuss my meds, maybe they arent working as well as id thought! I know there will be other contributing factors as well but i have always found ADs useful.