To say that my life will end in suicide?

[Planits]

I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. Although I’ve had some difficulties in my life, I have no real reason that I can explain or justify my misery, it’s just there. I’ve been feeling for a long while now that my life will, eventually, end in suicide.

I’m sorry, that sounds so hard. Do you have any support? I hope that you can find something that helps

OP, have you sought Medical help?

Please reach out for support, 111 have emergency help now

OP I’m so sorry you feel this way, could you call the Samaritans for support? They have online chat as well as a phone number, please speak to someone x

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Do you take medication for your depression? Have you been taking it as prescribed?

Are you on your own?
Sorry for all the questions!

Hi there OP. We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. When we see posts like this we like to post a link to our Mental Health Webguide. We hope you'll find something there that's of help. We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health section shortly.

Sorry for any alarm caused! I don’t mean I’m actively suicidal in this moment.

I just feel like I’ll never be ‘normal’, or not depressed. Even when life should be good, I just don’t feel it. One day, when I don’t have young DC that depend upon on me, I feel the time will come to ‘throw in the towel’… does no one else ever feel like this?

That's sad. When you're dead, that's the end of all possibilities.

While there's life, there's a chance of happiness.

But I imagine if you're that depressed hope and possibilities may be an alien concept, even unwelcome.

Are you taking any medication to help?

Yes I take medication. Have been on and off various forms for approx 25 years. Thinking of stopping taking it though, as it obviously isn’t helping.

Do you have any counselling OP?

I feel the same, that my life will end in suicide.
That means that the unbearable struggle to get through each day is such a waste when the ending is inevitable.

One day, when I don’t have young DC that depend upon on me, I feel the time will come to ‘throw in the towel’… does no one else ever feel like this?

However old your DC are, your death (especially by your own hand) will impact them enormously.
Your suicide would be life-changing, make no mistake. How about if they followed your example?

One of my siblings expresses it as she doesn't want to die, but just wants to be dead. Is that how you feel?

Ack, I agree although I won't commit suicide unless my family are gone. Life is going to end anyway at some point, everyone will die and the world will continue without humans eventually. Wish I'd never been born, that would be so much less stressful.

@BMW6 your sibling has a good way of expressing it.

Those that feel this way, can I ask does anything raise your spirits?

Them following my example would be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen. I’m already traumatised by the fact that I have a daughter who is most likely to have to experience sexual assault and abuse in her life. I couldn’t bear for her (or my DS) to feel such emotional trauma that they want to die.

Sometimes I feel like I’d like to be dead, in a kind of passive way. Other times I feel more actively suicidal. At the moment I just feel reflective and weirdly disconnected. I don’t know.

You’ll always be your DCs parent, even when they’re adults they’ll still need you but just in a different way x

Not currently. Previously had several attempts at counselling/cbt (not really sure) where I’ve learned some useful tips, but nothing that really makes any difference long term.

@Curtainsformeplease @DoTheRoary although its clearly not great for you, it’s nice to know I’m not completely alone in such a feeling!

I feel like this too

I have felt this way in the past. (And suspect I will feel it again in the future). Suicide ideation is actually quite common and, like you, often doesn’t mean that someone is actively suicidal.

I feel more at peace knowing that it’s “ok” to have these thoughts.

I like to think that I will never act on these thoughts. There is always hope, no matter how bleak things feel or seem.

Perhaps some longer term talking therapy might help you. Not CBT, but lots of sessions with a counsellor that you really trust.

Worth a try before ending things

Yes and no. The usual guff helps I guess : sunshine, nature, cute animals, hugs - knowing that someone cares.

I note what you say about your dd and sexual assault. If you have trauma from experiences in your past, have you tried Emdr?

I do get it OP . I don’t really want to commit suicide with all the trauma, for everyone else, that comes with it. If I could quietly wish myself out of existence without there being an effect on anyone else.