To say that my life will end in suicide?

[Planits]

I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. Although I’ve had some difficulties in my life, I have no real reason that I can explain or justify my misery, it’s just there. I’ve been feeling for a long while now that my life will, eventually, end in suicide.

How revolting. Strongly suggest you read this: Don't Say It's Selfish: Suicide Is Not a Choice (nationwidechildrens.org)

@Mummysaraus the fact that you have tried to derail this thread with your talk of how selfish suicide is and how brave and selfless you are is crass in the extreme and shows a complete lack of understanding and empathy.

I’m sorry you’ve had your struggles but they give you no right to speak to OP / others on here with their own struggles in the way you have. You’ve been as selfish as you claim other people are.

And this is why some women take their children with them.

dangerous words there.

it’s not a helpful comment. Just shows a lack of understanding about mental health issues.
they can convince you, everyone’s better off. That your the drain on the family, that your kids would be happier, your partner happier, finances better. All the problems go away with you. Thats what your brain tells you. It’s easy as an outsider to say “don’t be silly” yet you see the negative impact your illness makes on their lives. The brain is your best ally or worst enemy.

@Mummysaraus I honestly don’t know what to say to you.

I have reached out many, many times over many, many years for help with my mental health. Sadly, as @ALovelyCupOfNameChange said, my feelings of guilt and selfishness for feeling as I do has (in the past) lead my children to be in incredible and very real danger as a result of my desire to stop their suffering as a result of my pain. Thankfully I am no longer as unwell as I was then.

To those who have been understanding and kind, thank you. You have brought me comfort

@Planits I’m sorry you had to read that self righteous tripe.

Being honest about how you feel in a world that tells you to just get on with it or don’t be selfish or think positively is incredibly brave and if more people did it, there wouldn’t be such a sense of shame and isolation which stops people reaching out in other ways, as you’ve done here.

I hope some of the advice here gives you some answers or support. I never thought I’d feel normal or like I lived in the world and now I do most of the time.

Thank you, @Over40Overdating.

@Mummysaraus hopefully it never happens to you again, I do genuinely want that for you.

I do actually call Samaritans often OP.One major reason is because most the time you get someone who listens and understands. I think they're quite open to talking about suicide and don't actually threaten to call anyone as it's against their policy.
We've been terrified into saying anything about this because all you get are professionals shitting themselves that they'll be held accountable. I'm sure even MN is on the same train when they jump on with advice, guidance etc. I realise most people are scared they'll be seen as responsible and that is why you are shut down so terribly. Oh don't be silly, what about your kids. You just want to scream 'Fuck off, that's all I think about and it torments me'.

Then you get the posts like those you're so selfish posts.

So I really rate the Samaritans. I told one guy my situation and he actually said I completely understand why you feel that way. That meant so much to me. It didn't make me feel more inclined to do anything! It's the pure hopelessness and no one LISTENING and validating that makes people more likely to go ahead.

Rant over.

Hugs and lots of love to you @Planits