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Original poster

what to do

26 replies

mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 10:35

please someone help me i really dont know what to do?????

i have pnd and ocd i am on tablets but having a really bad 24 hours, cant stop crying, feel numb, cant eat, this is my worse day so far, my husband i want divorce at the moment, my kids i want rid of, my family i pushed away, (cant stop crying to write this), i have no friends. i cant go to the doctors cause they will lock me away!!!

does anyone else ever feel this low

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 21/04/2008 10:37

sorry you are having such a tough time of it. Please don't worry about being "locked away". It really isn't easy to end up as an inpatient for mental health, places are very lacking. How long have you been on the tablets for? Sometimes people need a higher dose than the minimum to deal with OCD.

mankymummy · 21/04/2008 10:38

sorry i have no experience of this but didnt want your post to go unanswered.

are you sure you can't go to the doctors? i'm sure they wouldnt really lock you away.

are you at home on your own? how many DCs do you have?

would a nice walk help a bit? i know i can get very down stuck in the house all day.

OlderNotWiser · 21/04/2008 10:45

Dont know if this will help, but when I was depressed I always found the really really awful days were sort of like the peak (for want of a better word)and things were invariably so much better the next day.They were often a turning point in fact....I hope thats the case for you too. It can sound a bit trite, but the 'hang on in there' advice does sometimes work. It is worth talking to someone, have you a HV? Being alone when you feel like that makes it feel even more horrible. It sounds like the tablets havent kicked in yet. It does take a while but did wonders for me. I hope things improve soon for you.

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 10:48

i have been on tablets for couple of months now, i am still breastfeeding, cause she is 5 months, i am too scared to go i have a very hard exterior and wont let anybody in!

my other two are 2.3 and 5.3, youngest 1 started potty training last week, so wet everywhere all the time!!! feeling so numb cant go anywhere, please can someone tell me i am not having a breakdown or going mad!

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OlderNotWiser · 21/04/2008 10:51

Sorry, baby poorly so have to go now, but will check on you later....your not mad, life with small childnre is VERY hard. If you ask me being low is a pretty normal reaction to it all...but you do need to let people in and tell them how you are I think. Hopefully catch up with you later...

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 10:55

thank you all for your support i feel as if i am on my own and this seems to be my only friend!

oldernotwiser - hope your baby is okay

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mankymummy · 21/04/2008 11:01

god, if you are looking after 3 very small children on your own its no wonder you are feeling a bit depressed. You aren't going mad, its just tough sometimes. Think what a huge job you are doing and how much you've achieved.

you've done the biggest thing, starting to talk.

are you anxious about anything or just feeling flat? can you just say to yourself that today is a bad day and allow yourself to do nice stuff for yourself, sod the housework etc.?

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 11:24

feel like everything is on my shoulders and noone to share it with, everything my husband has said to me in the heat of the moment eg do more housework, stop going out, youve only got to look after the kids not alot so why is the house so bad etc, all this i seem to want to rectify just so he cant have a go at me, but i dont know how to do it all!!

sorry to go on i know i should be happy cause i have 3 kids, and am married etc but cant see the woods for the trees at the moment

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mankymummy · 21/04/2008 11:28

how about focussing on one thing to achieve today? If house is in a mess and you dont know where to start maybe just do one small thing so at the end of the day you can feel you've made even a small dent !

can you summon energy to make a nice dinner for tonight? then that will be something to look forward to...

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 12:08

yeah will try that maybe then i may eat something, thank you for your support its good to know people understand and dont judge,

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OlderNotWiser · 21/04/2008 12:31

Back from doc, baby fine apparently. Hmph. Asleep now tho.

Anyway, anyone who a. has kids or b. has had depression will really not judge you! I meant to say earlier that Ive had moments similar to what you seem to be having today, horrible horrible low points, and they do eventually pass. But one thought - it may be the medication is not right for you or is too low a dose...it might be worth checking it out with your GP. They wont judge you either Im sure - they deal with depressed people every day. Good luck with it.

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 17:20

thanks just feels like its snow balling me, this has helped putting it down, and talking to other mums about it. the kids have been fab during this today dd was getting me tissues, and letting me get on with it, without asking questions!!!

thanks hopefully will sleep tonight and eat something, maybe tomorow may be brighter!

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mankymummy · 21/04/2008 17:52

glad you feeling a bit better, definitely try to eat something. you need to look after yourself too you know!

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 19:04

am going to try to eat something tonight, have to try for the baby, or my milk will go down and then things will get worse, iyswim!

thank you for wonderful support x

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mankymummy · 21/04/2008 19:59

did you get to eat anything?

Is your DH home?

just hope you are feeling a bit better... tomorrow is another day. [hug]

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 21/04/2008 20:28

managed a bit to eat and got pill down! dh got home early and has been nice to me, 2 kids down just 1 more to go just pray for a bit of sleep tonight. i am trying to write down how i feel and see if that makes me feel any better!!!

thank you again dont think i could have got through today without this support, hoping tomorrow is bit better

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Original poster
mumtoo3 · 22/04/2008 08:51

feeling okayish this morning, trying to put yesterday down to experience, and pray it will make me stronger! managed to eat a bit of dinner last night, and had some breakfast this morning with my tablet, at least i am not as dizzy today!

thanks for such wonderful support

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mankymummy · 22/04/2008 13:17

glad you are feeling better, was thinking about you this morning.

someone will always be here on mn if you need a chat... don't know what I would have done without advice and support on here over the years !

[hug]

OlderNotWiser · 22/04/2008 14:17

Good to hear you are brighter today; yesterday is out of the way now and hopefully things will not be that bad again...I know how scary a day like that can be. Keep doing small things to help yourself feel stronger and/or more in control. Hopefully things will start to gradually get better...take care.

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 23/04/2008 08:17

today seems okayish so far, ds1 decided to take a dirty nappie off in dd1 bedroom and messed everywhere, but dealt with that fine chucked him in the shower!!!

think its a whole lot of things getting on top of me, with my dd1 we withdrew her from school 6weeks ago, so are in contact with solicitors etc, ds1 decided to potty train himself in the middle of all this, dd2 wont go to anyone else apart from me, had two funerals to go to in 5 days, and my dh threw his toys out of his pram, so its no wonder i have been feeling quite so down.

thanks again for all this amazing support

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DumbledoresGirl · 23/04/2008 09:02

mumtoo3, your situation is familiar to me. When I had my third baby, we moved when she was 5 weeks old so I found myself in a new location, knowing no-one. My other children were 2 and 4. After a few months, the oldest started school part-time and the 2 year old started playgroup a couple of mornings a week, but I was still struggling with all of them and the baby and a husband who worked long hours. I too was like you in that I did not feel able to open myself up to the GP or HV. It was a really desperate time.

What saved me from sinking in the end was a neighbour who was a childminder. She took my baby (then aged about 7 months) for one morning a week when the other 2 children were at school and playgroup. It was only 3 hours a week, but it was a guaranteed 3 hours just for me. I used that time to do the little things you need to do for yourself (dentist, hairdresser, etc) or to catch up on housework or just to sleep. She continued having my daughter that one morning a week until my daughter was ready to go to playgroup 5 mornings a week (by which time I had a fourth baby - gulp! - but was coping much better by then. I honestly believe those 3 hours a week were the saving of me.

I don't know if you could make a similar arrangement - it seems not if you have taken your eldest out of school and your middle one is a bit young yet for playgroup - but I wanted you to know what worked for me. I also want you to know that what you are experiencing is totally normal and does not reflect on you as a person at all. And most importantly, I want you to know that this situation will get better. I would never have believed when I was going through what you are going through that I could feel capable and strong enough to have a 4th child, but I did, and furthermore, never once felt as bad as I did when I had 3 under the age of 5.

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 23/04/2008 14:17

thank you that is so good to know that i am not going mad and that things will get better, just sometimes it is difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel!

today has been okay so far except breaking a mirror, so there goes any luck i did have!

dd1 is playing with her barbie car after doing about 3 hours of work, ds1 is washing up so i am a bit scared to go in the kitchen at the moment, and dd2 is sat with me, must mention our dog is outside running round soaking up the heat!

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Original poster
mumtoo3 · 24/04/2008 07:33

things have gone wrong again! i broke a mirror yesterday and since then everything is bad,

dd1 played up after playing so nicely, but went to bed well after her full potty was knocked over by her brother before bed so dh went mad and she was crying!

ds1 well he banged his head again, trapped his fingers in the door, and was up for 2 hours in the night being sick!

dd2 touch wood has not been too bad!

is this all a coincidence or is this the dreaded mirror and i have another 6years 11months and 30days of hell? sorry i am supostitious on certain things like friday 13th, but in recent years that has calmed down any advise is really appreciated cause i dont want to go back down again to monday!!!!!!

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DumbledoresGirl · 24/04/2008 09:19

I hate to say it but with three young children, this all sounds pretty normal. Life is one long stream of small accidents and knocks and bumps in our household too. You wait until they start doing more serious damage and end up in casualty! I have lost count of the number of times I have been there.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound flippant or harsh, I just want you to know that this sort of thing is normal. Sometimes it helps to know that what you are going through is normal and that you are not doing anything wrong. You maybe need to adjust your expectations.

I am a bit concerned about your ds though. You say he bumped his head and then was sick in the night? He might have a bit of concussion there. Have you thought about getting him checked over by the GP?

Original poster
mumtoo3 · 24/04/2008 15:39

good point about concussion didnt think that at all! how bad am i

he had the runs this morning hoping praying that it is a milk reaction but not sure hope its not rota virus again, cause of the baby and her christening on sunday i really dont want to have to cancel it!

any advice greatly appreciated

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