Help me stop this self destruction

[Selfdestructmodeactivated]

I don't know why I'm doing this. I lost my only parent earlier this year. Since then I've been a mess. Not eating or eating all the wrong things. Vaping although I never have before. My house is a mess & I do nothing about it. I live alone, have 2 dcs who have left home. I'm just angry at everyone & everything. I don't cook & get by on energy drinks & rubbish food. The only thing I do without fail is walk my dog. Everything else is in an out of control spiral & I don't know how to make it stop.

I am similar, although not because of bereavement. Shall we choose one or two little things each to achieve today, and report back this evening? I am going to eat well today. I am going to spend an hour tidying my bed room. Or 2 x 30 mins. or 3 x 20 mins....

Thank you. That sounds like a good idea. I have a 'floordrobe' in my room which alone will probably take me an hour to sort! It's a nice day though so I could just chuck it all in the wash. I'll report back later...

I like the idea of doing one or two things differently and being accountable about it here :)

I'm currently going through a hard time. I'm in therapy but have also been diagnosed ADHD. Even if you don't have ADHD I think a lot of the content that helps with ADHD can be useful at getting going and making change.

Well I've tidied my bedroom! Has taken me most of the day in between walking the dog & other things but I feel a sense if achievement & I can go to bed tonight in a nice tidy room with fresh sheets & no floordrobe 😂 It has also distracted me enough that I haven't eaten rubbish today but still haven't cooked a meal. That will be tomorrow's task along with doing the shopping. I'm determined to buy some healthier options & not just cereal bars & chocolate...

Well done! Report back to us tomorrow and let us know what you’ve done - great post!

well done! i have eaten relatively sensibly, and am about to do that hour of tidying I mentioned....

Good for you! I was thinking I had to do the whole house but breaking it down to a room at a time feels a lot more manageable

You're still walking your dog, look what that says about you. You're a great person.

I totally agree, small steps and be gentle with yourself.

Hi there, you seem to be making some good efforts so well done!

Have you considered grief counselling?

Apart from that I would say re-centre. Bring yourself back to your inner needs. Self care is paramount. Then, take on the other tasks in small chunks. Maybe aim for self care and one other small task a day until you start to feel a bit better.

Acknowledge and validate any emotions which arise for you. Angry about their death? That’s ok. It’s ok to feel emotions. Try to process them, ah there’s anger, why are you here? That’s ok that you’re here. Let me choose a healthy behaviour to do while you’re here until you have passed. Repression or suppression will just shut those feelings down for a short while and they will end up resurfacing which isn’t a healthy approach.

Its amazing how these little steps will add up and lead to you feeling better within yourself overall until maybe you start to feel more human again.

I do think grief counselling would be good for me. This is something I need to look into. Don't want to be too outing but I was the one who found my parent dead & I do think I need to talk to someone about it.

In this case grief counselling could prevent you developing something more damaging such as PTSD from the situation as discovering a death can be very traumatic. Not everyone develops PTSD of course but it can happen if the events aren’t processed in an healthy way and counselling is a great tool which allows us to process.

Im sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for you loss.

Maybe this could be helpful:

https://www.heartbrokentohealed.co.uk/

This is focused on children, but some of it might be relevant:
https://uktraumacouncil.org/resource/what-is-traumatic-bereavement-2

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're doing so well continuing to care for your dog like that. Why do you do that, when all else is crumbling? Could you tap into that same emotion to care for yourself? See it as kind of parenting yourself, just the basics of making sure you eat fresh food, shower and get an early night. Not pushing yourself or putting too much pressure.

What a horrible thing to happen to you. You’re being remarkably brave about it.

Chunk is the word that might help: everything, even feeding cat, can be broken down into steps. Do one step
at a time. As above where you’re getting superb help, one small job eg sort a drawer.

Timing helps too. 10 min on phone alarm, then stop cleaning. I do this.

The world carries on even if your house is untidy, too. Don’t beat yourself up. Ever.

Thank you for the kind words. Just checking in for today before I settle down to watch the football 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Even if nobody reads this I've realised it's helping me to feel accountable. Today there has been progress but I encountered a setback as well. I've tidied my 'office' as I wfh 2 days a week & put up 2 lampshades which I bought when I moved house last year 🙈. I psyched myself up & went to Boots to talk to someone about help to stop vaping. I know it's a disgusting habit but it has become a crutch & I've been kidding myself it's not doing me any harm. However, the service is only available Mon-Thurs which I didn't know so I left feeling a bit deflated. I then went shopping & bought some fresh, healthy food so didn't let it get to me too much. Weekends are hard. I miss my Mum.

I lost my mum last summer. I feel your pain. My DS isn't at home at the moment. I feel lost

You are honestly doing so well. Keep it up and check in again with us all tomorrow. Have a good evening and maybe an early night ready to start a new week.

Just sending some support

@LonelySod my ds came to see me today. He brought me a lovely book to read. Funny because I had bought him a book of sudoku puzzles so we traded books 😊 it's hard when they're not around isn't it ? But my 2 are grown up & have their own lives to lead. I was grateful for the visit though & the book. Was working today so haven't achieved much else but have eaten well, vaped less & managed to get on top of the laundry due to the nice weather. I'm very fortunate to have private health care through my job so I called today & enquired about bereavement counselling. They have said I can have up to 8 sessions & have sent me a (very short) list of counsellors in my area. I've contacted one but haven't had a,response yet. Just want to say thank you for your support.

Sounds like you’ve had a positive day. Well done.

Feeling more positive in general but struggling to find a bereavement counsellor which is frustrating having made the decision to go down that route. They either don't reply or have no availability. There is only 1 who has availability from August after she has been on holiday but will keep trying.... on a practical note I cleaned my windows today. The wee bit of sun we've had the last few days have shown me how bad they were 🙈

So glad to hear you’re feeling more positive- you certainly sound it! I could do with cleaning my windows,
so you’ve put me to shame - it’s been blinking hot here - too hot to do anything much at all. Have another good day tomorrow and wish you luck trying ti find a councillor.

Just doing my daily check in. Something happened at work & I was very teary. Not like me at work & I know it's not about what happened, it's just how I feel about everything now. Progress on the counselling front. I contacted a woman who's profile said she had no availability but it turns out that's because she is retiring later this year. Decided to go with her & I have my 1st appointment on Friday so 🤞 it helps. It's a start.

That sounds good - glad you’ve got an appointment so quickly.

Exercise more each day, therapy, yoga, meditation, talk to loved ones, hobbies