What one thing transformed your mental health?

[Alifemoreordinary123]

Ok so maybe ‘transformed’ is a bit strong, and maybe one things isn’t enough, but what was your turning point if you’ve had poor MH in the past?

I’ve just been reading my ‘line a day’ memory book back and it’s made me realise how miserable I am.

I have no major trauma, nothing life threatening, no major money worries going on but I feel consistently sad, unmotivated and down. I have two under 8s, work 34 hours in a high pressured job, do most of the childcare and house / life admin. My situation with DH is a whole other thread but not the thing I’m looking to change. I am a natural pessimist and have suffered from moderate anxiety my whole life. But I feel completely burnt out / worn out at the moment. My health is constantly failing (mild / moderate stuff going on), I wake feeling tired every day (I do have low iron), I’m irritable and feel so bored with life. I have a few friends but not tonnes of heartfelt connection, I’m learning an instrument and walk a bit but no major exercise, eat ok. I just can’t seem to get into any routine. I also find the constant mess of my DH and DC unbearable to the point I want to get rid of all the ‘stuff’. We have so much and it’s all too much. I don’t think this is perimenopause btw, it’s been coming for a few years post my second baby and I don’t think I’m peri yet.

Thanks for listening to my rant and I would love to hear your positive stories.

The realisation that if I kept on doing what I was doing, I’d keep on feeling how I was feeling. That was an epiphany for me and I began to identify my unhealthy/unhelpful behaviours and make changes.

@Anonym00se thank you. I’m so glad you were able to do that. Recognising the patterns of behaviour and action is so important.

Sounds silly but a brew in the morning, outside (or at the back door if it's chucking it) completely alone, getting some fresh air. Was the first small step in doing something just for me in the morning. Since added mandatory half hour walk.. and other little steps once these became a habit.

My dog.
I have a condition that makes it difficult for me to work and thankfully DH earns enough for that to not be a worry but when I had to stop work (a job I loved) I became quite isolated. My DC were all at school and I found that some days I wasn’t even leaving the house. I’d text DH and ask him to collect milk on his way home rather than get dressed and walk the 5 mins to the shop.

I started avoiding seeing friends and family and making excuses so people didn’t come round. I was lonely but it felt like too much effort to hold a conversation. I know now that I was depressed.

18 months ago DH bought home the sweetest little Labrador puppy. I think he knew I needed a reason to get up and out of the house everyday.
Now I walk 6-7 miles a day with him and stop and chat to loads of people. Physically I feel better, mentally I feel stronger.

Self compassion. A workbook by Kristen neff has helped me massively reduce anxiety and see my worth

The realisation that if I kept on doing what I was doing, I’d keep on feeling how I was feeling.
Excellently put.

My biggest mental change was realising that I was medicating myself so I could stay married. The day I asked for a divorce changed me mentally and emotionally.

Cycling, this has really helped me.

joining a gym

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum i adore a hot drink, in fact warmth generally so can completely understand that.

@Confusedandhormonal thank you, I’ll look that up.

Emdr.

Running. I love the feeling that I get, the “runner’s high” but also it’s me time, my reflective space for the day. I went from couch to 5K and onwards.

@Ikeameatballs do you run on your own? I used to be an avid jogger - most days, 6am and loved the time. But working late, children, poor sleep just make it feel impossible now.

Cutting back on screens before bed (the irony I know but I was changed when I used them less and stopped at 8), reading more, getting up before everyone and just standing outside but actually doing nothing- just standing there (again no phone). And when I started swimming classes- HUGE difference in mh! Also I find a big pick me up when I ring people. Or read magazines (they were always my thing!) Best of luck op

How would DH respond if you tell him how much the mess is getting you down? Could you threaten to chuck it away? You sound like you’re doing all the right things in terms of activities etc, but chronic anxiety is utterly exhausting and it does get you down. Have you ever had any treatment/therapy for it?

Not sure it’s transformed it, but running has helped a lot.

As @Confusedandhormonal says, self-compassion really is a game-changer. But what changed it for me was a very odd thing. For a whole year I did something I'd never done before every single day and kept a note of it in a journal. It just shifted everything - my perspective on life, my mood, my fear, my horizons, my self-image etc. Now, if I feel symptoms of depression creeping in, I just do something new each day and focus on it, Symptoms of depression that used to be a sure sign it was setting in for a few months, vanish within a couple of days if I do this, but I don't know why.

@Meadowwild love that. If you don’t mind saying, what are a couple of examples of new things?

Cutting out booze completely and eating for nutrition as opposed to whatever I fancy on a whim.

Outdoor swimming. Is not the only thing but kick started a more active lifestyle and new friends. My mental health fluctuates but when my friendships are in balance (people have time for me but aren't overly needy) I tend to be pretty happy.

@Magnificentkitteh two things rang for me in your post. I used to like near a lido - swimming there was one of the happiest things I have ever done. Friends are tricky - I don’t connect easily and miss having that special connection very much.

Going part time at work, getting person centred counselling and taking medication really helped. Also saying no to things and spending far more time on my own to decompress whenever I need it. Having a healthy sleep routine is essential for me. Without that I'd slip towards a breakdown.

My dog changed my world. I was so unhappy- repeated ivf failure and just no hope whatsoever- but my little pug brought so much happiness to my life. He gave me a reason to function every day.

Water can be so calming - I would second this.

Finding a community.

For me it was through theatre, but it could be anything, it's the community that matters not the thing the community is built around.