Anyone else sad and want to hand hold?

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Mumsnet has really helped me pull put of a possible breakdown and while I'm out of the worst of it, I'm still very sad. I'm crying to myself now so I can put on a brave face in the morning.

but then this afternoon beating myself up again. I feel like everything I do and have ever done is wrong and I'm a horrible person x

@Helplessandheartbroke you are not a horrible person at all! You have been so kind to many of us on here. You are a lovely person with a good heart x

@Helplessandheartbroke Oh lovely, you’re not awful at all!! All those things are sound completely normal! The amount of times I’ve shouted at DS and then felt awful about it afterwards 🙈 it’s hard being a mum and we don’t always get it right but what you describe is nothing terrible, please don’t beat urself up over it xx

@headache you are not a failure! You're dragging yourself to work ever day despite it having an impact on your mh! You're stronger than you give yourself credit for! Set yourself a goal to apply for new jobs if you can? Are you in a specialist field?

@headache @Whycantgiraffesdance Thank you for your kind words. At the time I think nothing of it but after I beat myself up and hate myself. I try and be kind and help other when I can as I believe in karma. It helps me too but deep down I despise myself! Thank you both honestly x

@Helplessandheartbroke see you’re not hopeless you are listening to and helping me ❤️ yes I am a very specialist field jobs are very hard to come by. I’ve tried so hard to find another one but I get so nervous at interviews. I’m such a people pleaser too I’ll just say yes I’ll do that whereas others would say no. You know it’s bad when you fantasise about hurting yourself just enough to mean you can’t go to work for a month or two.

@headache you've helped me too!

Please don't hurt yourself. Something will come along it always does. Keep faith. Get on linked in too I'm always being offered jobs on there. 2 today x

I'm really struggling today. I think I had a panic attack today. Never had one before and I feel awful. I've been on Citalopram 20mg since end of October last year for depression and anxiety and it's helped well. Last week or so I've not been sleeping as well and husband said I've been snappy. I don't know what to do, whether it's worth asking for a higher dose. I'm dreading going to work tomorrow as it's tough job at times and I had a break down at the beginning of October last year which is what triggered going on meds

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere please ring gp in the morning. You may need a higher dose or something to help the physical symptoms like propranolol. Anything you want to talk about? X

I'm just feeling especially off this evening. I feel sick and have a headache and I don't know if it's because of what I assume was the panic attack, the meds aren't helping as much or if it's linked to having started talking therapies this week.

I just feel sad I can't tell my husband how I'm feeling. He was a bit judgemental of me taking meds and that I should have just used self care to get better. I just feel on the edge of crying again.

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere if you need to cry then cry. Also please try and get some rest. You'll feel better after a good sleep

I've come up to bed but I can't switch off. All I can think of is work tomorrow and thats making my belly churn. I know it's not going to be as bad as I'm imagining it now as we have a good team and when I'm there I'm ok usually but tonight it's making me panic for some reason.

I'm going to spray my lavender spray on my pillow and put sleep band on with my white noise.

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere you are not alone, I actually had a panic attack in the GPs this week. Cake out and sobbed and sobbed worst thing was two of my DC saw me like it. I was on citalopram 40mg before for years and have switched to sertraline 50mg, she upped it to 100mg now and gave me sleeping tablets as I just wasn’t sleeping that’s why I was so emotional and diazepam when I felt really bad. I know what you mean about feeling sick going into work I am feeling the exact same.

@Helplessandheartbroke thank you my type of job doesn’t get advertised on linked it but there’s a few came up I’m actually scared to apply for them in case I don’t get one as I’m that useless at interviews.

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere did you manage some sleep?

@headache give yourself a shot. Interviews are ways Nerve wracking but you've got nothing to lose x

@Helplessandheartbroke based on the evidence on here, you are a lovely person. 💐

How's everyone else?

I am still tearful and all over the place emotionally, but I am starting to feel the benefits of not drinking in that at least I am sleeping a bit better.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing thank you. I've cried again today too. I'm just starting to think is this now my norm?

Have you got any plans this weekend? X

I did. Very broken and not very restfull but it was ok. Work was ok too, was with a good cohort of colleagues today.

How are you today?

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere horrible morning but ds was up at 5.45am! I'm chilling with a beer now. Glad you've had a better day. As @Whycantgiraffesdance always said I wish there was a magic wand to make it all better for us. I also wish I could give you all a proper hug and take you out for a wine and just vent to each other! X

@Helplessandheartbroke I know what you mean about the crying!

I'm going to take my youngest two DC to the library tomorrow, then one of them has a playdate. We're due to see some friends for lunch on Sunday, which worries me slightly as I really want to stay away from booze.

How about you?

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing everything in moderation as they say. I should listen to this 😅sounds like a nice weekend!

Dh is on nights tomorrow so probably call and see me dad with ds then were at SIL Sunday for dinner x

I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend, lots of love xx

Have had a week of crying, please may I join you lovely people

@Raspberrymoon49 of course lovely, what’s been happening? Xx

Ffs, I'm lying in bed here feeling panicky again. My heart is racing, I'm feeling nauseous and I feel like I need the loo.

I hate feeling like this. I want to be able to relax in my own home. I don't want to be second or triple guessing things, I don't want to be on medication all my life. I want to be able to enjoy my upcoming special weekend with my family (we have a weekend away that's been booked for ages) but I keep thinking about sleeping in a different bed, not having my stuff around me, how it will be crowded, busy and loud.

But now I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want to feel like I was many years ago, before life happened and I started pretending things were ok. Pretending for around 20 years has really really ruined me. It's ruined my relationship with my children, time I won't get back.

I hope it's just the talking therapies that's making me worse at the moment. But I don't know. I have done an econsult to ask for more stronger antidepressants but I don't know how soon they will see it.

Thank you @Whycantgiraffesdance am just so tired of the struggle, have some heavy problems at the moment in all areas of life and sometimes can’t find the energy to keep fighting, always envy those who simply have ‘first world problems’

Sympathy with Lumiodes.

I feel sad, I'm in pain with a medical condition for the last year, I broke my back in 4 places, and they refuse to do anything. I was taking 4 prescribed pain killers, but yesterday told not to, because they aren't working. but that was the only suggestion, no alternatives, no better solution or treatment plan, just stop taking them, end of. I've cried many times in the last year, which I don't normally cry very much, but I've cried in pain and also cried in frustration at the poor treatment I've had from the NHS. I cried yesterday, I'm just so sad.

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere I hope you managed some sleep? How are you feeling this morning? And what's your plans today? Getting away might do you some good, being home can get mundane x

@Raspberrymoon49 sorry you're struggling. Is there anything you want to get off your chest? X

@Oblomov24 that's ridiculous! Can you go to a walk in centre today to get pain relief? Hope you managed some sleep too. How did you break your back x