Anyone else sad and want to hand hold?

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Mumsnet has really helped me pull put of a possible breakdown and while I'm out of the worst of it, I'm still very sad. I'm crying to myself now so I can put on a brave face in the morning.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing you're being hard on yourself again. Can you write a gratitude list tonight? Anything positive you've done today? Fed dc etc?

@Whycantgiraffesdance dont apologise and you don't sound miserable. You sound like me. I cried to dh Earlier and he said 'I thought you were better' x

@Whycantgiraffesdance you don't need to apologise. I think it's a common misconception when it comes to mental health that if you aren't a sobbing mess then you're "OK" or "doing better". It doesn't work like that though. Some of my worst times have been when I have felt totally numb - unable to cry or express anything.

@Helplessandheartbroke this is a good suggestion, thank you. I have done some positive stuff today - have made the kids a lovely dinner and have booked myself a hair appointment. I have managed to do some work, amongst the crying. These things are not nothing, you are right.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing brilliant list! Try and do one every day. I've tried doing it for things I did for ddog and I say everyday I've fed ds, bathed him, worked etc x

I told my grandma about my fear of not giving ddog enough attention. She laughed at me and said he had plenty and I spoke to him like a human. This made me feel a little better. I just regret missed Cuddles and play time etc but I guess whenever someone dies people have regrets x

Oh definitely, hindsight is a wonderful thing!

hope everyone has a nice peaceful evening 🙏x

@Whycantgiraffesdance you too hun. Bed time for me soon x

My mum has said this to me in the past. If I act "normal", I'm classed as better. It doesn't mean we're not still crying inside

@upanddowns agreed. Its like forcing a mask on at times isn't it. Hope you're ok this evening x

It is like a mask. I'm ok, as ok as I can be these days, thanks, hope you are too. Just had dd 22 crying down the phone over a man and feel useless because I can't put her world right anymore!

Sorry @upanddowns I had an early night last night. Unfortunately your dd will now be going through all the life experiences we all go through and its shit at the time but it will teach her a lot for the future (hope that makes sense) x

How is everyone today? X

I’m about the same, meeting an old work friend for a walk this morning, she suffered with PND too so hoping she might have some pearls of wisdom for me!!

how are u today @Helplessandheartbroke ?

and everyone else? x

Oh and I’ve got to go into my little boys school later, only for 20 minutes but I’m already panicking about that! 🤯

@Whycantgiraffesdance I hope your catch up with friend goes well. I'm sure you'll be fine at school :)

I think I need to change my meds x

@Helplessandheartbroke i hope your early night was restful and you feel better today xx

@Whycantgiraffesdance dont worry too much about school meeting, I’ve been to many of them! It’s usually something very minor. Please come back later and tell us how it went xx

Thank you @HelpWBD , its only a ‘stay and play’ thing where we go in and see what the kids have been up to so nothing bad but I still panic as there’ll be loads of people and I hate the school run at the best of times! 🙈 I know it will be fine just need to remind my anxious brain of that!

what meds are u currently on @Helplessandheartbroke ? have u been on them long? x

@HelpWBD I definitely feel better than I did yesterday thank you. How are you today? X

@Whycantgiraffesdance we had stay and play the other week for mothers day, it made me anxious but we do it for dc. I've been on fluoxitine for 3 months and propranolol for 3 weeks x

Do u find the propanalol helps @Helplessandheartbroke ? I’m not sure what I think of it to be honest, I’ve used it a few times but I’m convinced it upsets my stomach so haven’t used it regularly! X

@Whycantgiraffesdance I don't think it does personally but my neighbour takes it daily and no longer has panic attacks....

How did today go?

I had an OK morning but then this afternoon beating myself up again. I feel like everything I do and have ever done is wrong and I'm a horrible person x

Obviously I don’t know you in person but I’m 99% sure you are not a horrible person! That is the OCD talking. Just because we think something doesn’t make it true lovely ❤️

the school visit was fine and I felt quite good about going but my mood has gone downhill since then! But I do seem to be getting glimmers of normality so got to cling onto those! x

@Whycantgiraffesdance I hope you're right I am moody at times but not violent etc I just think back to small everyday life events and think I'm horrible and hate myself.

I'm glad school went well. How was your walk? Do something for you tonight x

Yea my walk was nice too, good to speak to someone who’s been through something similar. I’m pleased I’m getting out but it doesn’t actually make me feel any better if that makes sense?! I still feel anxious and deflated. I’m too impatient that’s the trouble!

have u got examples of why you think you’re horrible? Might help to rationalise your thinking x

Yes I get it. At my worse I could barely get out of bed. Now I'm working and taking ds to nursery etc I'm obviously better than I was but still struggling and like I said last night, you get good at putting a mask on dont you. Keep at it and with your meds hopefully you'll carry on in the right direction.

My thoughts is daft stuff but in my head it's horrendous. It's things like thinking I've ran a cat over and I haven't. Running over ddogs paws with the buggy wheel on walks by accident. Telling ddog off for trying to barge passed the buggy when trying to get in the house. Telling ds off for biting me etc etc x

Oh god you agree I'm awful now don't you 😢

I’m having a horrible day 😭 work is terrible my manager is so obnoxious to me. I am trying to leave for the sake of my mental health but it’s all such a mess. I really wish I could afford to resign and walk away from it all I’m just so exhausted and feel like such a failure.