Anyone else sad and want to hand hold?

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Mumsnet has really helped me pull put of a possible breakdown and while I'm out of the worst of it, I'm still very sad. I'm crying to myself now so I can put on a brave face in the morning.

Also struggling. Loneliness as I have no friends besides one school mum who I never see.
I was parked up waiting to do the school run this afternoon and saw some mums sat chatting and I just burst into tears. I'm so fucking lonely

@HelpWBD do keep talking here though. Were all here for support and to support one another.

I've worked today, it's been a shit day so I'm feeling anxious tonight hence going to TRY for an early night. How about you? X

@Helplessandheartbroke if you want to talk about your shit work day feel free to. My day has been okay.

@SpringtimeBunny im so sorry you feeling like this too. I also was crying thinking about how easily everyone else seems to bond.

@SpringtimeBunny sorry I missed your post. Are you confident enough to go over and say hi tomorrow?

@HelpWBD work is OK it's my head that isn't.

Maybe the 2 of you can relate to one another a lot re the school mums etc. I'm going to switch off for the night ladies but I'll be back on tomorrow. Take care x

They'd likely ignore me if I do that. The school has a bit of a class divide. I'm on the lower side, these mums are on the wealthier side sadly. The wealthy mums refuse to acknowledge the rest of us. Believe me, I've tried

@SpringtimeBunny well would you really want to be friends with stuck up, pretentious people like that? I wouldn't give it another thought lovely. It's sad but they do not sound like people I would want to spend time with x

@SpringtimeBunny I hear you. I find navigating the school run and school interactions really hard at the moment too. I see all the other parents cruising through with their playdates and their social lives and I just feel like such a bloody failure.

@HelpWBD I have a DD in Reception and can relate to this too. I wish I could be a better parent right now, and the thought of letting my kids down is just making everything feel even worse.

Today I have decided that I have to try and do something positive for myself. It almost doesn't matter what it is, but I have to do something. Just a walk outside at lunchtime even.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing thabk you for your message. What are you thinking of doing today to make yourself feel better? How do you think you’re letting your Dd down?

hope everyone else is okay. How is your day going? I’m just on a break and going back to work soon. I’m so tired, just don’t want to be in work.

@HelpWBD I am going to take the dog out for a decent walk at lunchtime and just breathe in some fresh air.

My kids probably don't want or need a mum who is constantly tearful, losing patience and snapping at them, distracted and cross. I can't seem to invest in doing fun things with them or arranging stuff for them to look forward to. I'm a shit parent currently.

@Helplessandheartbroke So sorry about ddog. My friend had a lovely dog that died at 7 too. On the younger side, but like your lovely dog, not too unusual for the breed. I think when something sad happens, we look back and pinpoint any negative thing that our brain latches on to. So you're remembering shorter winter walks for example, when ddog probably just loved whichever walk he had. I hope you're feeling better today. Significant dates are tough.

I slept a little better last night - but only because I was exhausted. Now I'm worrying about whether I will sleep tonight.

I wish I could get a grip on my crying. It stopped me going to an exercise class this morning, as I couldn't be sure I wouldn't break down and make a fool of myself. I wish I could get control of that.

@Feelingblue77 me too with the crying. I feel like I can't trust myself in public.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing it's so frustrating isn't it? I feel like it would be really good for me to get out and I actually really enjoy these classes but I can't risk it. So sorry that you feel the same.

I feel like I need something to dial down my feelings. I'm currently getting so upset about something that I shouldn't even really be quite this upset about. I don't know whether to speak to the GP to be honest.

@Feelingblue77 I've cancelled my dentist appointment as I couldn't stop crying earlier. Ds was up from 2 until 5.30am so that didn't help.

I'm definitely focusing on all the negatives. Not letting him sniff enough, not playing and stroking him enough.... I hate myself for these things but then the logical side of my brain knows he had a good life and I did my best at the time.

Yes please speak to your gp x

@Helplessandheartbroke oh I am sorry you missed your dentist appointment and your DS was up in the night. That's really tough. I hope you can rest today?

Ddog will have had a lovely life. But right now if he had 6 years of lovely life and 1 day of not enough attention, it's that one day that you are thinking of.

I think I'll fill in the on line thing for my Drs and see what comes back. Even something to help me sleep would be good as I'm getting anxious about that.

Sounds like everyone is struggling today!
@Helplessandheartbroke @Feelingblue77 @HelpWBD @ijustneedtokeepbreathing sending you all hugs!!!

I hate the school run, it makes me anxious in case I have a panic attack when I’m there and I hate having to make small talk with the other mums! It’s always fine when I do it but it doesn’t stop me dreading it all the time. I bet there are loads of people thinking the same though, don’t be fooled by the groups of mums chatting, it doesn’t mean they are the best of friends they just have their children in common!

and I can relate to the crying thing, I feel like I could burst into tears any moment lately. Even avoid meeting my friends as I don’t want to be sat in tears all the time even though I know they’d understand.

im currently sat on the sofa thinking that I need to go out and do something to keep me busy but it’s like I’m paralysed with fear to the spot!

anxiety sucks!!!!! 😫😫😫

@Feelingblue77 it was more than a day I didn't do enough for him. He was fed and walked daily just not enough. Same with ds now when I'm feeling like this I pick him up from nursery and put the tele on as I've got no energy. I'm just a shit person.

Did you manage to get an appointment?

@Whycantgiraffesdance get a nice series on the go to sit and watch and chill. I've just cried down the phone to my boss so I wouldn't worry x

@Helplessandheartbroke I have also cried while on a call to my boss today! She was very kind and understanding, which made it all so much worse tbh.

@Helplessandheartbroke honestly, however many days, weeks or months you feel you could have done more, he was fed and watered, knew you were there, that's enough for ddog to be content.

Likewise yous DS - he gets collected by his parent which he will love, he gets to watch some TV. I'm sure he's more than happy with that. It's only you that knows you'd rather be doing more. You're doing plenty by holding it together for him at the moment.

I've filled in the on line form for an appointment so will wait and see. It's quite hard to get an appointment these days but it's a start!

@Helplessandheartbroke U are not a shit person you are dealing with shitty mental health, there’s a big difference! ❤️ the amount of times I let my son go on his iPad at the moment is ridiculous but we have to do what we can to make things easier when we feel like this.

i made it out and did a bit of food shopping, baby steps xxx

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing anything you want to talk about today? X

@Feelingblue77 Winston was my baby before I had one so I guess I feel he was put on the back burner from ds being born but I guess that's normal. He was looked after there's just things I wish I'd have got round to like bathing his cysts (dh would clean them which he hated) and cleaning his ears etc. I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing. Of course his basic care needs were met. Fed, watered, sheltered, walked and love. My ocd just takes me to these places.

Hopefully you'll get an appointment this week. Have you considered talking therapy? X

@Whycantgiraffesdance thanks for sharing. I know it's normal and we can be 100 percent all the time, noone can. Well done you on getting out again! Are you seeing an improvement? X

@Helplessandheartbroke I managed to get out for a walk at lunch time and I have also booked myself an appointment for a haircut for a week's time (a big deal for me as I am really not good at self-care). I have been crying quite a bit, on and off, and am worried about coping with the kids over the Easter hols.

I think I really need to go back to my gp and get my medication reviewed, but just the thought of how difficult it is going to be to get an appointment is massively putting me off, which is pathetic. I did however tell my boss how bad things had become, and feel a bit better for at least being honest with her about the situation.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing what rl support do you have? I'd defo go back to the gp. Is there anything particular triggering you? X

@Helplessandheartbroke I feel that it has been building for a while and I haven't done a great job of taking care of myself . . . not enough sleep, not eating as well as I could, too much alcohol, all of which have made matters worse. In the last week I have stopped drinking entirely as I can see how it's really, really not helping.

To be brutally honest, I have a big issue with looking for self worth and validation from external sources. Constantly trying to fill that hole with something external. And I have fallen for someone totally, totally inappropriate. Nothing has happened, I have said nothing. Nothing will happen. From his perspective, it is an entirely professional relationship. But it is crushing me and I need to start pulling myself out of it.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing hope u manage to see your gp, I say this to everyone but if things get really tough ring 111 and option 2 for mental health, they were really good to me when I was at my worst.

@Helplessandheartbroke that’s the annoying thing, I don’t think I do feel any better, I’m pushing myself to do things I don’t really want to do in the hope it will make me feel something but I still feel the same anxious wreck inside! And what’s annoying is because I might not be crying and a complete mess on the face of it people seem to think u must be ‘better’ and seem surprised if u say actually I still feel like s**t!!! I do see glimmers sometimes that I might be on the mend but they are always short lived!

god I sound so miserable!! Apologies!! 🫠🫠🫠

How’s the rest of your day been @Helplessandheartbroke ? x