Anyone else sad and want to hand hold?

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Mumsnet has really helped me pull put of a possible breakdown and while I'm out of the worst of it, I'm still very sad. I'm crying to myself now so I can put on a brave face in the morning.

Another one here who wears a mask daily.

@Helplessandheartbroke I've also gained a lot of weight and lost all fitness. Am scared to see how much, but am guessing about 4 stone?! Increasingly I don't really care about the weight, I just want to be able to look after myself with decent food and some exercise. I feel like I totally ignore and deny my body. It's like I want to erase myself and all my needs for nourishment and care.

It's not even a mask though, I just don't know who I am, so I make myself whatever I think people want. I can't relax around anyone, always acting.

Still a bag of nerves here!! 🥺🙈

but I had to go into my office today (normally wfh) for the first time since my PND diagnosis and I was so nervous and anxious this morning I nearly didn’t go but I pushed through and I went 💪🏻 it might sound trivial but it took a lot for me to do that today so I’m a bit proud of myself. Still a nervous wreck but still! 🤣 I feel the same @Imatorturedpoet can never relax! X

I can understand that, I'd feel the same.

Isn't it awful, never feeling secure and calm, always on edge?

Yep!! It feels like such a physical thing to me it’s hard to believe there’s not a physical cause! X

Sorry all I'm laid up in bed with a sick bug. Am reading just not much energy. Will try and catch up tomorrow. Hope you're all ok and well done on the positives! X

Oh no, sorry to hear that, take it easy, hope you feel better soon. I hate feeling sick, have emetophobia.

I've got through today, at my mum's tomorrow, which is always hard work, dreading it.

@Imatorturedpoet if that word means a fear of being sick then I 100 percent have that too. I was sick all threw the night and by lying in bed doing breathing techniques to try and stop myself being sick, I almost threw up and our brand new carpet! My pj top got it instead as I ran to the bathroom! I've not ate today in fear of being sick again but I'm hungry now but I have reserves! What you going to be doing with dm?

Oh that's awful! Yes it's a phobia of vomiting and vomit. I've struggled with it since I was a child.

I have to take my DM with her cats to the vets, DM is 85, then I have to help her friend - also 85 - book some flights! Then DM will want to go shopping probably. It's all hard work 😳

@Imatorturedpoet I've always been scared of vomiting. Vomit too until I had ds and I had to quickly get over that one...

Sounds like a fun day for you tomorrow! X

How's everyone doing going into the bank holiday weekend?

I had a panic attack in front of my youngest DC's teacher today.

I feel totally mortified. So ashamed and embarrassed.

You have nothing to be ashamed of @ijustneedtokeepbreathing were they kind to you when it happened? Hope you’re ok lovely x

I'm here. Laid up in bed still poorly. @ijustneedtokeepbreathing do not be ashamed I've done this more than once resulting in a full on melt down. Dont sweat it. Anything you want to vent about? X

Sorry to hear you're feeling so poorly @Helplessandheartbroke .

He was kind, yes. I just feel so embarrassed. It didn't help that we were sat in a v v small, hot and claustrophobic meeting room, chatting about a few issues with my dd's behaviour at home (she's had a tough time, her dad walked out just before Xmas etc).

Anyway, there was no real trigger. I could feel it coming, which made it worse and created a snowball effect. Before I knew it I was sweating, shaking, couldn't breathe and had turned bright red. Then I just cried.

Honestly felt like such a twat.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing you've had a tough time too. Give yourself a break sweet. Being a single parent is hard and also getting over the loss of your relationship. You've done well keeping it together this long x

Thank you for being kind. I haven't kept it together @Helplessandheartbroke 🤣. I just haven't melted down in public like like for a long time.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing that is keeping it together. Do you know how many times I've cried in tesco in the last 4 months? More than I care to remember anyway. Then there way the doctors waiting room twice. Then the pharmacy. Its the norm to me honestly. I bet I'm know as 'local cry a lot ladie' fuck it 😂better out than in ey.... here for a while if you want to speak x

I always try to think what would I do/think if I saw someone having a panic attack? And obviously the answer would be I would be concerned and offer them support, not judge. So why would anyone think any different if it were you? Does that make sense?!

sorry you are still feeling poorly @Helplessandheartbroke 🥺

Thanks sweet and yes you're spot on. How are you? X

You are right @Whycantgiraffesdance. I would feel nothing other than concern and a desire to help. Good to way to think of it.

100 percent! I've met some very dear older ladies that have shown me compassion during my melt downs and I know I would do the same x

Yes, as would I. We just judge ourselves so harshly, right?

And I just feel guilty. Poor teacher after the end of a full on week then has to deal with me too.

We are our own worst nightmare. I'm sure he was glad to try and help even just by listening x

100% this. We are absolutely our own worst enemies.

Hence I'm grateful for this thread and the supportive and understanding ladies on here. Try and get a good sleep x