Anyone else sad and want to hand hold?

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Mumsnet has really helped me pull put of a possible breakdown and while I'm out of the worst of it, I'm still very sad. I'm crying to myself now so I can put on a brave face in the morning.

Holding your hand lovely x

Also here to handhold. Life is so damn hard sometimes! Hope the anxiety has subsided now.

I had a lovely evening with DP, as it was his birthday, but today I'm feeling rubbish again, bored and fed up of life being so hard. Spent too much money (that I didn't have in the first place!) on DDs and DPs birthdays and now I'm my overdraft and still have credit card to pay off. Not massive amounts, but a lot when I have so little money. Just fed up of it.

@upanddowns afraid not. Feel like a terrible person! I also know the feeling as it's dh birthday next week and I'm not let with a whole lot once bills are paid whereas he is and he van spoil me so I feel guilty as I can't do the same. Glad you had a nice evening x

Sorry you still feel bad. You're not a bad parent, nothing happened whilst you were drinking did it?

DP doesn't "do" things, so I wanted him to have a special day, but buying a gift would have been cheaper! Never mind, I'll have to really rein it in for a few months now.

No nothing bad happened and dh was sober enough.... its usually me that remains sober enough so I'm not uses to it.

We will all be tightening our belts getting ready for Xmas before we know it! The good thing summer brings is cheap days out x

I can't even think about Christmas 😔 I don't think I'll ever get it all paid off and be able to save. But at least DP said it was the best birthday ever.

Trouble sleeping @upanddowns? Some times we need a splurge.

How is everyone x

If meh was an emotion... I would be that 😅

Not really sure what I'm feeling, I guess numb? How are you? Xx

I'm still the same 😂 I need a hobby that I'm passionate about so I feel I'm achieving something, but I've no idea what!

@hk1993x meh is a slight improvement though, no? Hang in there you're so brave going through what you're going through x

@upanddowns I feel this too. I used to enjoy the gym but with how ds sleep is I don't know if I've got the energy!!!

Hope everyone has a good day x

I can't afford the gym. I'd like to make things at home, but nothing holds my attention for long. I've started knitting for my grandchild due in July, but it's boring 😂 I've a diamond painting pack but it's too fiddly! I've no imagination, so not really into drawing or painting. I like indoor plants, but there's only so many plants I can fit in my flat!

Hey how is everyone? @upanddowns congrats on the new grandbaby coming! X

This is all so shit. I still haven't had my GP appointment as it keeps getting cancelled. Then I was booked into a remote clinic for a phone call from a GP which I had to cancel as I work with them (which my surgery knows, it's on my notes not to book me remote appointments with anyone who works at the practice I work in).

I'm so so tired. My head is always fuzzy. I feel like I could burst into tears at any point and I'm definitely getting more snappy. And the palpitations, sweating and nausea and upset stomach are getting worse.

I need to be better. My son starts his GCSE exams in a months time. He needs all the support he can get, not a mother who is a wreck.

So sorry @Imamumgetmeoutofhere thats really bad of your gp, if things get too much you can always ring 111 and option 2 for mental health for advice, they were really lovely to me when I rang them. Sorry I can’t remember you’re specific situation but feel free to chat on here if it helps xx

@Whycantgiraffesdance thank you. It's general depression and anxiety. 6 months on citalopram 20mg and I don't think it's working as well as it did. I'm doing the talking therapies too. I just want to speak to someone about either changing my medication or increasing it. It just shouldn't be so bloody difficult

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere I'm in the same boat! My gp is on long term sick so I've had 2 appointments cancelled one should have been tomorrow! I didn't want to see another gp though! Were here for you x

I was on citalopram for years and it mostly kept me stable but it sounds like your dosage may need upping, does your surgery do an online e consult thing at all where you could explain your situation and they may just be able to adjust your dosage without seeing u? It’s so annoying that gps are so rubbish at the moment, doesn’t help make us anxious ladies any less so! x

Thank you! I have two step grandchildren, this will be my first grandbaby 😊

@Whycantgiraffesdance it makes me so cross. I'm a receptionist at a different gp surgery and we always put our patients in on the same day whether it's a face to face or a phone call. I wish where I was registered would do the same. I've done e consults which keep saying I have to have an appointment

@Helplessandheartbroke I'm so sorry you are having the same issues. It is rubbish. I really hope you can speak to a GP soon

If there was ever like a WhatsApp group etc made up for us ladies I would love to be apart of it!

I hope you all are having an okay evening. I'm currently picking up my friend in Edinburgh and I think I've been lost about 10 times 🤔

Round 5 of ECT tomorrow. Got some letters off my GP because I feel very much in the dark about the next steps. There is recommendations of thyroid medication but they don't want me on mood stabilisers cause I'm of child bearing age?

Please take my ovaries and uterus and give me the happy pills pls! No more babies here 🤣

@hk1993x do they know you have 4 already? Haha good luck for today sweet and I hope you get some answers x

@Imamumgetmeoutofhere I hope you get sorted too! X

Sorry I have been quiet on here recently. Just been catching up on the posts, bear with me.

Things have been hard. I am still very tearful and very low, and snappy with the children. One thing that has provided a bit of relief is writing stuff down. Just writing down all my worst thoughts without fear of judgment, helps a little bit. Even if it is totally unstructured and a series of words.

Something I have been struggling with for a long time is what some posters on mumsnet refer to as limerence. Call it what you will, but for me it means obsessive and unwelcome thoughts about another person who is totally unavailable. I have been thinking about this a lot over the last few weeks, and it is a problem I have struggled with on and off for years. Only now am I starting to drill down further into it and think about what it reveals about me and my emotional state, as it is never about the other person. It is about the idea of them and what is missing from my own life. Since my teenage years, I have struggled with it maybe 5 or 6 times, with different people. It becomes overwhelmingly painful.

Anyway, I have no one to talk to IRL about this so I am rambling here. It makes me feel ashamed that I am obsessed with someone. They have no idea and I would never act on it. Even a bit of social media stalking has left me feeling horrible, really grubby and ashamed. He is a lovely gay man. There is nothing that will ever happen. It is all about my desire to feel seen and valued and cared for.

I need to be free of it, as it is making me so sad and anxious. I’m considering quite extreme steps to remove myself from the situation.

Sending virtual hugs out to everyone else struggling today.

@ijustneedtokeepbreathing I think we can all feel like that about people we value I mean in a friendship way. There's certain posters on MN I'm more drawn to because I like the way they might respond etc. Dont put yourself down about it. I'm sorry you've been having a hard time. Were here for you x