Page 2 | Therapist laughed at me

RightMoaningHilda · 2024-02-14T16:36:50+00:00

I feel like shit now. I’m a joke. Don’t want to see her again.

woowooohoo · 14/02/2024 18:03

Hiya OP,
I'm training to be a counsellor. I'm definitely NOT an expert yet! However one thing I've learned is that the relationship we form with our counsellor can remind us/mimic feelings from somewhere else in our life. It's called transference.

Please please go back to your therapist and explore this with her. Tell her you felt that she was laughing at you and explore why you feel that way.

StopStartStop · 14/02/2024 18:04

OP, hold on, keep breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Hold on to that.

Nobody's opinion of you matters but your own. You don't have to be less sensitive, or more resilient or anything that other people suggest. Just hold on, breathe and eventually the way becomes clear.

I spent a number of years (yes, years) in bed, curled into the foetal position and there was nothing I could do about it. People had to say what they want about me, and they still do. Sod them. I'm breathing in, breathing out. You do that too.

Original poster

RightMoaningHilda · 14/02/2024 18:08

StopStartStop · 14/02/2024 18:04

OP, hold on, keep breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Hold on to that.

Nobody's opinion of you matters but your own. You don't have to be less sensitive, or more resilient or anything that other people suggest. Just hold on, breathe and eventually the way becomes clear.

I spent a number of years (yes, years) in bed, curled into the foetal position and there was nothing I could do about it. People had to say what they want about me, and they still do. Sod them. I'm breathing in, breathing out. You do that too.

Thank you @StopStartStop How did you get yourself out of that?
I can breathe but I just wonder what I am waiting for

OP posts:

Dizzy82 · 14/02/2024 18:11

I've had a therapist laugh during a session, it was their response to me explaining a really crap week I'd had. I felt they weren't laughing at me directly but in the the way of 'you couldn't make that sh*t up' .

pickledandpuzzled · 14/02/2024 18:11

Sweetheart we’re all sad losers posting on an anonymous internet forum!

I have been in therapy. At times it was bloody uncomfortable and I came away really unsettled.

I was lucky- it revolutionised my life. It helped me recognise what was going on inside me that made my life bloody hard, and gave me some strategies to manage that.

Life can be shit. Our parents can fuck us up. We can find a way to do better.

Don’t let this bad experience stop you getting help you deserve to have. 💐

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/02/2024 18:12

Hugely, hugely unprofessional. As others have said this is her issue, her failing and no reflection on you. Is she part of a accredited board? If so you should think about reporting the incident and asking for another therapist to be assigned.

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 14/02/2024 18:15

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We don't allow posts that mention methods, so we've removed that now.

Climbingwallsnotmountains · 14/02/2024 18:27

You're not a sad loser - you're someone who sounds like they have a really low opinion of themselves and is taking steps to address that via therapy. That's a real positive. Right now you understandably feel like crap. And if I was you I'd probably give up on the therapist and wallow in self-pity. BUT.... it would probably be more useful long-term if you could email the therapist and say that you felt they were laughing at you. Give them a chance to explain. Odds on they were laughing at the situation in some way (been there, got that totally wrong) and not remotely at you personally, and they'll probably be horrified to learn that they've upset you. And then that can open up a new line of therapy because they'll know even more how you're thinking. Worse case - she's a bitch and a useless therapist who should be struck off. Either way her response will let you know and you can take it from there. But I'd bet it's the first option and it could actually work out for the best.
Never beat yourself up until you have all the facts. And I speak from repeated personal experience!!

JustMaggie · 14/02/2024 18:33

I reckon that therapist is the joke, not you OP! I hope you can find someone better, who respects their clients and treats them with dignity and compassion.

Original poster

RightMoaningHilda · 14/02/2024 18:35

Climbingwallsnotmountains · 14/02/2024 18:27

You're not a sad loser - you're someone who sounds like they have a really low opinion of themselves and is taking steps to address that via therapy. That's a real positive. Right now you understandably feel like crap. And if I was you I'd probably give up on the therapist and wallow in self-pity. BUT.... it would probably be more useful long-term if you could email the therapist and say that you felt they were laughing at you. Give them a chance to explain. Odds on they were laughing at the situation in some way (been there, got that totally wrong) and not remotely at you personally, and they'll probably be horrified to learn that they've upset you. And then that can open up a new line of therapy because they'll know even more how you're thinking. Worse case - she's a bitch and a useless therapist who should be struck off. Either way her response will let you know and you can take it from there. But I'd bet it's the first option and it could actually work out for the best.
Never beat yourself up until you have all the facts. And I speak from repeated personal experience!!

Thank you, that’s so kind @Climbingwallsnotmountains

OP posts:

Original poster

RightMoaningHilda · 14/02/2024 18:36

JustMaggie · 14/02/2024 18:33

I reckon that therapist is the joke, not you OP! I hope you can find someone better, who respects their clients and treats them with dignity and compassion.

She is very experienced and qualified so it shows what a joke I am, not her.

OP posts:

StopStartStop · 14/02/2024 18:52

RightMoaningHilda · 14/02/2024 18:08

Thank you @StopStartStop How did you get yourself out of that?
I can breathe but I just wonder what I am waiting for

Show quote history

Sorry for the delay. Wrote an A4 and the computer crashed, wouldn't restart. Back now.

Short version.

I took all the free, subsidised or cheap therapy I could.
Recognised early that every counsellor/therapist has their own agenda and working to that is the most effective way.
Recognised also that my issues were too big to deal with all at once. Took one bit at a time. For example, five months once a week face-to-face with a woman counsellor (a trainee getting experience hours) talking about my mother.

Please don't think a therapist's opinion has any bearing on who you are. They have skills, they encourage us to talk it out and they help to break patterns of thought that don't help us. But they aren't gods, judges, arbiters. They are just people, like us. When one laughed at you, it was a failing on her part, not yours.

So many things went wrong in my years of therapy. The clinical therapist who gave me hypnotherapy did stop me killing myself (good work!) but took away my imaginary kingdom (I'm an autistic woman, I'm entitled to my safe place) and put in a smile I never wanted so now I grin like a fucking loon. Administrators deliberately disrupting applications for therapy. So much. But I kept on trying, whenever I had energy, because the alternative was to die and I couldn't seem to organise it!

I am happy now. Daily. I have low moments. Sometimes even suicidal ideation. But mentally I am sound, well, happy, all the things I couldn't imagine in 2013. You'll get there if you focus on small things - breathing, any moments that aren't too unpleasant, doing little things you like. Looking after yourself, little by little. x

Original poster

RightMoaningHilda · 14/02/2024 19:01

StopStartStop · 14/02/2024 18:52

Sorry for the delay. Wrote an A4 and the computer crashed, wouldn't restart. Back now.

Short version.

I took all the free, subsidised or cheap therapy I could.
Recognised early that every counsellor/therapist has their own agenda and working to that is the most effective way.
Recognised also that my issues were too big to deal with all at once. Took one bit at a time. For example, five months once a week face-to-face with a woman counsellor (a trainee getting experience hours) talking about my mother.

Please don't think a therapist's opinion has any bearing on who you are. They have skills, they encourage us to talk it out and they help to break patterns of thought that don't help us. But they aren't gods, judges, arbiters. They are just people, like us. When one laughed at you, it was a failing on her part, not yours.

So many things went wrong in my years of therapy. The clinical therapist who gave me hypnotherapy did stop me killing myself (good work!) but took away my imaginary kingdom (I'm an autistic woman, I'm entitled to my safe place) and put in a smile I never wanted so now I grin like a fucking loon. Administrators deliberately disrupting applications for therapy. So much. But I kept on trying, whenever I had energy, because the alternative was to die and I couldn't seem to organise it!

I am happy now. Daily. I have low moments. Sometimes even suicidal ideation. But mentally I am sound, well, happy, all the things I couldn't imagine in 2013. You'll get there if you focus on small things - breathing, any moments that aren't too unpleasant, doing little things you like. Looking after yourself, little by little. x

Show quote history

Thanks for sharing that @StopStartStop
i know what you mean about it taking effort to organise death, I don’t have the energy or the focus for that atm

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StopStartStop · 14/02/2024 19:23

I don’t have the energy or the focus for that atm

Good! Stay safe. Stay here.

Climbingwallsnotmountains · 15/02/2024 08:26

RightMoaningHilda · 14/02/2024 18:36

She is very experienced and qualified so it shows what a joke I am, not her.

Show quote history

Having qualifications doesn't make someone good at their job or compassionate. And I still think there's a good chance that it's a massive misunderstanding where she's come across completely differently to how she expected. Drop her an email - you have nothing to lose, nothing at all. You're already beating yourself up and no response from her could make that worse. But it could make it better. I know from personal (ongoing and recent) experience just how easy it is to feel as crap as you do right now. And I also know how many times I've misjudged situations and people and ended up beating myself up when there was absolutely zero justification and things worked out fine. To be honest I don't think there has ever been a single time when it's been as bad in reality as it's been in my head! Seriously, send an email.

Original poster

RightMoaningHilda · 15/02/2024 10:42

Climbingwallsnotmountains · 15/02/2024 08:26

Having qualifications doesn't make someone good at their job or compassionate. And I still think there's a good chance that it's a massive misunderstanding where she's come across completely differently to how she expected. Drop her an email - you have nothing to lose, nothing at all. You're already beating yourself up and no response from her could make that worse. But it could make it better. I know from personal (ongoing and recent) experience just how easy it is to feel as crap as you do right now. And I also know how many times I've misjudged situations and people and ended up beating myself up when there was absolutely zero justification and things worked out fine. To be honest I don't think there has ever been a single time when it's been as bad in reality as it's been in my head! Seriously, send an email.

Show quote history

Thank you @Climbingwallsnotmountains I hope you are right but I feel so bad about it.

OP posts: