Sorry this is long...
@Helplessandheartbroke Oh, you have my sympathies. It's a complicated business though. I went straight back to work after a breakdown about 20 years ago, because in those days, it had to be done or the rent wouldn't be paid. I sometimes think that was a shorter period of problems due to being forced into working?
@Leafstamp Re self help books, I've been in treatment for depression and anxiety for decades, so it feels like been there, done that. I'm not yet at the level of executing the things that help but I really want to get there.
After I posted last night, I wrote down a list of things I achieved last year. It was much longer than I was expecting! I think the breakdown has made my perception of things go skewiff.
I know from experience daily exercise is great but I need to get up to better functioning to achieve that.
My best friend is working at director level and also dealing with elderly parent issues, but she gets up early and exercises no matter what. She drinks a lot of coffee but I find it gives me the jitters.
I had a chat with my sister just now and she suggested renting an office space for better focus. There might be something in that....
I've been mostly working at home since 2016 and it is is much better than commuting and battling the nuisances of an office. So I love it, but it is hard in a much smaller flat. (It's very small). I'd have to learn to work differently if I did that.
Routine is the next thing to look at probably. I have become very undisciplined. I miss Efficient Emma! She's been AWOL for 8 months and the life admin then accumulates, so I've got a pile of that too.
@Kielyflower The reason I mention handwriting and memory is that I often think "I am so much better now" but those are big signs that still a way to go. I'm normally the person you come to if you want invitations written. Now i'm squinting at my own handwriting!
Thanks everyone, it really helps to hear from people who have been there.
I think it's crucial to be careful who you talk to. No one in my industry knows I had a breakdown, it was related to caring for mum after she had a stroke, so they think I took time off to focus on mum. They don't know she was placed in respite care so I could get myself back on my feet!
Re fun, I've posted about loneliness a lot. I just have to accept that no matter how much I'd benefit from a fun night out, those people are gone and I've tried the "meeting people" exercise and it is miserable. I do stuff on my own but I don't like going away alone. (Can't go with sister because then there's no one for mum emergencies).
If I can give myself a boost, getting back into exercise and artwork will probably get me up the next rung of the ladder...
Thanks so much for listening, much appreciated, these boards are MN at its best. I'm going to post separately about trying nootropics but probably not on here as the people taking them will be across the whole board I guess.