Attempted suicide - Blame

[Nimbus1999]

If you were married to a cold, unloving, uncaring person and you attempted suicide, are they to blame? Are they guilty of attempted manslaughter?

No, if there was abuse then this would be investigated but not just cold and uncaring.

Not as far as I'm aware, but depending on behaviour it could be considered abuse, which can be a criminal offence.

Couldn’t cold and uncaring fall into “emotional abuse”? If also felt unsupported and unloved?

It really really depends on context op. Cold and uncaring in itself, whilst unpleasant, may not reach the threshold for cps to consider it a crime. If this is related to you, I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

Yes those could be abusive behaviours @Nimbus1999 and could surely contribute to someone's poor mental health. However without some other things going on it would be hard to say those things alone would be the cause of someone ending their own life.

These are worrying questions @Nimbus1999. Do you need support?

I don't think that trying to allocate 'blame' is helpful really.

Only if the other person was guilty of incitement to suicide.

No. Suicide attempts are always the responsibility of the person doing them.

You can't say it's someone's fault and then still stay in the position you're in. If a relationship has got to that point, then it's time to leave.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any alarm GatherlyGal. It’s an event that has already happened.

I agree with this.

Are you ok Op?

I am the one being blamed by the way, rather than the one who attempted suicide.

Of course they aren’t.

They may be guilty of emotional abuse, coercive control or any number of things, but they aren’t guilty of attempted manslaughter in any way.

Does someone you care about need help, OP?

I agree with this. And from what I know of people who have been suicidal and survived, I don't even think the person who takes their life is necessarily responsible either. It sounds like they are in a mental space where that is all they can see, like tunnel vision.

Well, that sounds like classic emotional manipulation to me. 'Look what you did, you're so awful' etc. I'm sorry, it's not fair on you at all.

Suicide is never the answer, to abuse, to unhappy relationships, to anger at someone else. The person should seek help for their mental health and with leaving the relationship.

No one is to blame for another person attempting suicide and blaming someone could be described as emotionally abusive.

Being cold and emotionally unavailable could be considered emotionally abusive if it was a deliberate and sustained attempt at manipulation (eg withholding affection until someone does what you want) but of itself if it's just someone's personality, I don't think that can be considered abusive, even if it's unpleasant.

Thank you for the replies. For the record, I (nor anyone who knows me) do not consider myself to be emotionally abusive. I’m just trying to get my head around how he feels about it all and to try to see things from his prospective.

Obviously this is a very sensitive thing to comment on without knowing the full situation. So i’m not suggesting that this is necessarily true in your situation or that it’s something to talk about with the other person, but attempting to commit suicide and blaming another person for it can sometimes itself be part of abusive behaviour, as it can be a very effective way to control another person, especially by stopping them from leaving.

Are you still together and do you both have separate outside support to process this? Not sure how possible it is to understand the perspective of someone who would do something like this, but individual support in working out the context and next actions is probably pretty vital.

I am only just coming to terms to the fact that our relationship may have been abusive. I really don’t use/like that word as it feels wrong when I know what some woman/men go through with their partners. It was nothing like that. Just stuff like constantly walking on eggshells, his temper, belittling/criticising me. I’d asked for a temporary separation and then it happened. I feel that my behaviour towards him was impacted by his behaviour towards me. I did try to support him, arrange for him to see doctors etc whilst working/looking after the kids but it wasn’t enough.

Absolutely this. And I say this as a person with numerous suicide attempts under my belt. I've never been under the illusion that it was anything other than my own choice.

We are going through divorce now. I am relieved and much happier although it’s currently tough with the actual divorce process. We are going to court and he has said he will destroy me.

It was a constant circle - he would say that losing his temper was the result of something I have or have not done. I would then feel like I retreated and tried to avoid/not cause conflict. And round in circles we would go. I did tell him how much I hated how I spoke to me / lost his temper. And he would tell me how much he hated that I didn’t put him as No 1 and give him enough care and attention. So both, in our own ways, were missing something.

I am only just coming to terms to the fact that our relationship may have been abusive.

Sometimes relationships are just not good (enough). They don't have to be abusive, or toxic, or any other word. People sometimes are just not compatible but for various reasons dont split up. You don't need a label to realise it is not working and it's time to leave. Stop wasting energy and your saniety on trying to figure it out and concentrate on detangling your lives instead.