Sorting life out - anyone in?

[NewHorizons2024]

I've reached a mental health low and I need to get back on track.

What has caused it is getting out of routine from being on holiday, not a very cheery holiday, work anxiety and the usual stuff. I just feel utterly overwhelmed and like zoning out. I have been working quite hard the past few weeks to declutter and subsequently not done as much fun stuff. I don't even have the energy to write the to do list.

A major ongoing problem is how lonely I feel. I go into the office but I have had the usual autumn colds so didn't go and have gone into a sort of hermit state.

I say all this needs to change, but it's very hard now winter feels like a comfort blanket. This happens every year, then summer creeps up. I feel really affected by SAD this year.

Right moan done. I actually don't know where to start. But I am going to get some sleep now and then tomorrow try and start somewhere. I might post here as a sort of right I did one thing record. I don't want to create another thing I have to elaborately update but I do need some accountability in the form of an anonymous Internet forum.

Anyone want to join for a day or couple of weeks?

New, sounds like you're going great guns - well done. Keep checking in, and we'll keep cheering!

Pumpkin I'm so glad you bought a blanket - it's been a Godsend for me because I am so, so unhappy when I'm cold. Hats off to you too for knowing exercise and making lists helps, and then doing them. I'm a bugger for knowing what makes me feel better and then doing the exact opposite. I have SO many journals/planners/notebooks that I start with the best of intentions then studiously ignore. Each time, I live in hope that this time, it'll be the one to crack my procrastination but then I refuse to write in it...

Hiya, I'm working tonight. Came on my period. Full of self rumination and hate. I went for a walk, stood outside in the pouring rain with an umbrella for 2 mins then came back in. Kind of glad I didn't go to fireworks tonight. I hate my life though. Sorry to sound negative. I don't but I just have all these negative stuff I need to get out!

Cried in the toilet at work. On about cry number 4 today.

Cried about 8 times yesterday. Then spoke to a family member and felt better. Then on my own again and full of anxiety and problems. I'm in a complete state really. One of the additional triggers was being ghosted by someone I met three times. It's put me in a high alert trauma loop. I know it will pass but I every interaction is making it worse because every interaction ends.

I just get hugely stuck and completely defensive when I start to have a problem and would rather not cause any fuss so everyone assumes I am fine until I lose my shit and breakdown.

@NewHorizons2024 how are you doing?

OP "It is literally the worst feeling when you want to be around people but what is going on inside is ugly."

so true.

hope you are better.

i keep thinking I've hit rock bottom and then getting lower and lower....

Oh New and Emma, I just want to hug the both of you.

Firstly, New, how are you doing now? Being ghosted by anyone is painful, but especially when it brings up all kinds of other feelings based on things that have happened in the past. I won't excuse it, but I know I can struggle with communication sometimes - it feels like I simply can't give anything, even when I adore the person/people, so it could be that they're dealing with stuff and simply haven't been in a place to communicate. Or they're a dickhead. Either way, how you feel shouldn't be impacted by them - you are too brilliant just being yourself to be brought down by anyone.

Hopefully, this was the result of hormones, tiredness, the change in season (I think this time of year drags everyone down) and things feel a little easier now? Keep talking on here...

And Emma, my heart breaks for you. Do you know what lies at the root of how you're feeling? You say you keep hitting rock bottom, is there anything that keeps happening that's created a pattern? That must be exhausting and terrifying to keep experiencing. Is there anything that helps? Is there anything that can bring a spark of joy and make life a little brighter? As with New, please keep talking on here...

I heard something a few years ago that stayed with me. It's that there are four pillars of happiness, and if you don't have all of them, things can feel off kilter and you can struggle. These are:
Someone to love - could be a partner, could be a friend, family, even a pet
Something to do - what gives you purpose?
Something to give back - how do you help or serve other people?
Something to look forward to - is there anything you'd enjoy that you could put in the diary?

I come back to these again and again and if I feel I'm lacking in one of them, I'll try and remedy it. It may not help, but it's definitely helped me over the years.

Hello again

I found this thread in the middle of night so only just read it properly

New I hope you're as okay as can be expected? On the ghosting thing, I'm a very loyal person who likes to have consistent friends. That seems to be a thing of the past though. I think people find me hard work for wanting regular contact, even if it's just an emoji!

Breathing That "four pillars" thing sounds like some sort of miracle from another planet. I can't feel the relevant feelings anyway.

I have been in treatment for A&D for 25 years+.

The current status is situational depression, a mess of my own making that's too complicated to explain here.

I can so relate to buying the new journals etc

Anyway, I think my new meds are making me worse so I want to come off them and go back on old ones - went to online consult to book something this week but the GP has temporarily suspended all non-urgent appointments.

I stopped taking them the last two days anyway. The GP doesn't seem to know more than google anyway, so I'll restart the old one now.

Now dithering about going for a walk. I could use the air but I hate windy weather with a passion, so not sure if it will make me feel worse.

Aim for this week is to get up and do some stretching after coffee. I'm still in bed but only had about 4 hours sleep (via a pill).

this is always the worst time of year for me though, so on top of everything else..but it does mean only a few weeks till the shortest day and Xmas fakery is over.

Hello. Without going into too much detail my job is at risk. I'm one step from everything falling apart. It's exhausting really. I am bordering on a mental breakdown but that will mean the end of my job. I'm still here though. Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate it.

@NewHorizons2024 You are not alone. It's been such a weird period. I'm hoping there's respite for you. It must be stressful if you're crying there

Thanks. I didn't sleep at all last night. Hormones OK though.

Just wanted to say hi.
I feel you, you are heard.
I’ve been cracking up since July. Two steps forward, then two or three back. Last week I felt great, this week I can’t get dressed, if I do it’s afternoon. I’m supposed to be at work, phased return, but yesterday managed to get into around 1pm and burst into tears.
I don’t know if my mental health or menopause (nearly 44) but I just feel useless and such a burden, both at work and at home.
Just want to sleep and wait for it to go away.

Thanks @TreeHuggerMum1 . I need this non judgemental space at the moment, hope it helps you too.

Don’t think I’ve related to a thread so much before, this has popped up just at the right time for me. I’m really sad to see other people struggling but it’s good to know I’m not alone and have a judgement free zone to get it out.

I’ve spiraled into a near two week depressive episode after being unwell with Covid. I’ve not been to work, I’ve barely left the house, housework and personal hygiene has been completely neglected. I’m barely getting out of bed tbh, I seem to be spending most of my time doom scrolling. Everything and everyone in my life is being neglected. This is far from the first time this has happened, it seems to be a bit of a pattern. I’m on a waiting list at the moment for possible ADHD diagnosis but it’s 3 - 5 years long!

@NewHorizons2024 I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. I can relate in a small way with your job worries, I’m genuinely concerned I’m going to be fired after this last bout of absence. I can’t decide if I should go back in tomorrow for one day before the weekend starts just to get it out the way or hold off until Monday. I’m sort of frozen between being so anxious about going to work and so anxious about not going to work.

Going to try and get out of bed (at bloody 4pm 🤦‍♀️) and have a shower.

Thank you so much for this thread, I appreciate it more than I could say 🫶🏻.

@Niffler29 welcome this is a non judgmental space.

Covid / colds are the worst and can really knock it out of you. Feel free to post here.

I have ADHD. I did one step this week and made a referral to Access to Work for coaching.

If I am honest the two things that are killing me (asides the impending job situation) are admin and finances. I did get to a point where my finances were okay. Then a friend influenced me to spend my savings. I can't even believe I am writing that. She was bereaved and said why did I need them, I should also spend them on having fun. Worst advice to an ADHD person, as once the gate was opened...To be fair, it could have been someone or something else. I think sorting the finances out sort of feels like an act of abandonment to that friend. But of course it isn't. It is admitting where I am at and making a fresh plan.

This weekend, if I can dare make a plan, involves work, I think doing a food shop will help. I would like to say I will do the finances but that is a step too much.

Thank you everyone, I feel a tiny bit less lonely.

Let's be a SLO club (Sorting Life Out) haha.

I made one list. That helped.

Today is a bad day of anxiety and panic. Freeze mode. Talked extensively to the samaritans last night.

This is a great idea
Currently my issues overwhelmed me are the house (in dire need of decorating and de cluttering) my job and my marriage
I have no idea which one to start with first and just feel exhausted and overwhelmed constantly

Feeling like I’m spiralling. My dad 92 and unwell. My brotheR who was estranged died a few weeks ago. Was okay but other brother who lives with dad is not coping. I live miles away. Last night I was waking with agitation as I had to be at gym at 7am. Took a little diazepam and
quetiapine and ended up not going to gym or work. I was taking setraline for a while but fell out of taking it. Please give me some help as I feel I am falling off a cliff again!

I couldn't read this and not comment. @Peapod1969 - how are you doing now? Please phone the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to this evening and get some medical help as soon as possible.

Still here. How is everyone? This time of year is hard.