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Mental health

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Original poster

I can't do this anymore

64 replies

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 18:10

DP has just rung me, I asked him to get some nappies and baby milk and his visa card got refused - so thats it, no money, no credit. Will probably have to borrow from my mother (just spent the thirty pounds mothers day present from her on food for the week ). But she has just had a big rant at me saying that all the while she lends us cash DP wont sort himself out. ITs not like he is lazy, he works for himself, all the hours god sends, it is just that things are quiet and weve had no money coming in, so now she thinks DP is lazy. I'm waiting on tax credits and they are my final life line, god knows how long they will take to sort out - just sooo pissed off with it all. I fluctuate from being totally out of my head depressesd to being kind of ok to feeling totally manic and OTT. You would think me bi-polar but its just this financial roller coaster.

last week i had decided, right, thats it, im getting a job (was going to apply for class room assistant positions) and felt ok about things. Then we worked out the tax credit stuff and found out that after child care, you guessed it, id be worse off DP told me i would be better off getting a cleaning job and take DD with me (thats how much he doestn live in the real world!)

Sometimes i just wish i wouldnt wake up

OP posts:

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 18:29

To add insult to injury, our boiler broke down and we cant get british gas to come til tomorrow - thank god for the homecare agreement, but im frrrooozen just now (heres hoping they dont realise the direct debit bounced!).

Ive had virtually no sleep for the past two weeks, DD has lingering cough (weve all had this and its a pain) which is keeping her/us awake all night. She is a poor sleeper at the best of times.

I really thought, by the age of 37 ( i would be travelling through paris, in a sports car, with the warm wind in my hair) i would be settled and actually managing a decent lifestyle instead of barely managing, in fact, we are NOT managing, that much is obvious.

Sorry to whinge, there are people with much more on thier plate on this forum who just get on with things, so to those people i am sorry for feeling so sorry for myself.

OP posts:

cazboldy · 04/03/2008 18:31

so sorry you are having such a hard time atm. If your dh's work is slow atm, could he not get some casual work, to bring in a bit more cash? sorry I can't be of more help. Did you manage to get the milk and nappies?

posieflump · 04/03/2008 18:32

I guess you could get an evening cleaning job or a weekend job or does he work evenings and weekends as well?
Sounds really hard for you

posieflump · 04/03/2008 18:32

or how about selling unwanted stuff on ebay?

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 18:37

caz, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place, he is busy, just the money coming in slow - he tried to get some agency work, hes a carpenter, but nothing about. So decided to crack on with a job, that will bring in some cash but not for a few more weeks. Im hoping he will get paid tomorrow for this job he is on, but there has been a problem - i hate this, i just wish he would get a job and be done with the business, its crippling me.

I cant commit to evening work because sometimes DP isnt home til after 8/9 pm

We will get over this hump, its the bloody regularity of being in this pit that is getting to me.

I think i can manage til tomorrow with the milk/nappies but if he doesnt get paid, we are fucked

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bellavita · 04/03/2008 18:51

Sending you some warm hugs.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 19:01

with dp right now, a client owes him some money for some extra work he did (this is common practice). This particular client was ripped off for a lot of money by a previous builder, DP basically saved his bacon. But now DP is saying oh the client was moaning about how much the work is costing and that he has to pay the plumber xyz, sparks xyz. The original cowboy gave him a ridiculously low estimate for the entire job, requested the money up front and then buggered off having only done about 10% of the work. This is bad and im sorry for them, but this is NOT my problem but DP is clearly going to do the extras for next to nothing, because he feels like the guy doesnt want to pay to much. Im so frustrated and angry right now - this guy got ripped off because he was gullible and had the work done by someone he met at the pub, my DP hasnt ripped him off, he didnt recommend the guy who ripped him off. The client has more money under his fecking mattress than i would know what to do with and DP is falling for his sob story. Well i have a sob story for him, if only he would LISTEN!!!!

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PABLOP · 04/03/2008 19:14

Oh dear, life is a bitch sometimes, my DH is self employed and sometimes the money doesn't come in as fast as it needs to. How long has he been self employed? Although there are benefits to being self employed there are disadvantages too, no holiday pay or sick pay, when everybody is skint at the beginning of the year, customers are sometimes slower in paying. Would he not consider working for a firm, always positions for skilled trades like your DP. Hope things improve for you soon.

DumbledoresGirl · 04/03/2008 19:16

Lucyellensmum, it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that you could get a cleaning job in a private house and take your dd with you. I have known several people who did that until their child started school.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 19:17

on and off for two years pablop - its shit, i hate it, but DP is following his dream, who am i to stand in his way

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 04/03/2008 19:19

Make him listen. If your child needs nappies and there is no money he needs to stop being the nice guy and be a business man.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 19:49

Poor DP, unfair of me to rant about him like that really, he is trying his very best - i love him so much you know

AND he mended the boiler!!!!!!!!! Toasty warm now

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WallOfSilence · 04/03/2008 19:57

Hey lady

My dh was self employed up until 2 weeks ago.

I already told you about the company he did a big job for that owed him 10,000... well they sent a cheque out on Monday... for £1,500

Dh called them & they said it would be paid in installments a few weeks at a time (ie: not over 10 weeks, probably about 6 months!) I am fuming. Dh says: "Oh sure at least I'm getting it, we'll wait."

He is glad he took the other job, even though it is less money per week, we will just have to manage. He will still keep up the building work at weekends.

Is there any chance of your dh getting employed work? Even if it isn't carpentry? The job my dh took isn't building, but other manual work (I think I already told you though).

And give that man a pat on the back for mending the boiler... I was going to suggest other ways of keeping warm before I read that bit

Kaz1967 · 04/03/2008 20:04

Have you thought about contacting the Job centre for a crisis loan? You have to pay it back but they are interest free and you can apply whether you are getting benefits or not www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/Customers/WorkingAgeBenefits/Dev_013949.xml.html
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4017683

WallOfSilence · 04/03/2008 20:26

Ohh good idea Kaz!!

LEM, how about Ebay also?

Or a car boot sale?

look & see if there are any car boot sales around your local area at the weekend!!

That will bring in some money soon'ish

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 20:27

WOS - it may come to that yet, see how things go. I have just seen a job i fancy in the local paper - i might even apply for it, just to see what happens. But as for the boiler, im because i did exactly what he did earlier on and it didnt work - he must have a magic touch, all he did was blow down the tube, he must have more puff than me .

Hopefully will get some money tomorrow though, so i am feeling brighter.

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Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 20:28

will definately put Ebay on my to do list. I dont think i could do the job centre thing, i would think i was taking from those who really need it, iyswim.

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Kaz1967 · 04/03/2008 20:35

I know exactly what you mean about the job centre I need diazapram before going down n there but it is worth keeping in mind

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 21:18

thanks kaz, you are right, it is good to know about these things.

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AmberT · 04/03/2008 21:55

Do you or do you not pay taxes? This is what its for! At the end of the day your little one needs nappies and milk. Dont feel bad if you have to go to the job centre. Shit happens to us all.

Kaz1967 · 04/03/2008 22:23

I know why Lucy does not want to go it is sooo sooo stressfully all the filling in paperwork and being asked questions as if you are asking for the world But you re right about being entitled to it.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 22:29

Its honestly not so bad - I can hold on til tomorrow for the nappies, its just scary when you really have NO money. I feel a bit shitty posting this thread now - i could have borrowed from my mum if need be .

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WallOfSilence · 04/03/2008 22:42

What age is the little one now LEM?

Is she still on powdered milk? Maybe the HV could help? There must be some benefit you're not claiming...

DId you ever hear back from the child benefit people?

Countingthegreyhairs · 04/03/2008 22:45

Don't feel shitty Lucyellensmum. Financial insecurity IS incredibly stressful. It's the uncertainty of it all and the worry. Dh started his own business a year ago and it's taken a lot out of both of us. Sorry - not much help really - just wanted to send positive thoughts and to say sorry that you are having such a tough time.

Kaz1967 · 04/03/2008 22:45

I was borrowing from my parents last year and I hate it Mum is still paying my (thankfully very small) mortgage because I am on benefits and it keeps a roof over my head, but I loath being beholden to her so I really do sympathise

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