Anxiety about something that hasn't happened (yet?)

[anxiousatnight]

I struggle with 'what if' anxiety. What if I left the oven on, what if I didn't lock the car etc etc.

This week I went past a speed camera 12 times. On one of the last journeys, I checked my speed and it was slightly over - probably not enough for me to be ticketed, but over none the less and I adjusted my speed accordingly.

Now, I am absolutely paranoid that I might have been over the speed limit on some of the other journeys, that I will rack up 12 points in the space of a week and loose my license. I can't remember what speed I was doing the previous times, and because I can't remember, my anxiety is spiralling.

I should know within a couple of weeks whether I was caught or not, but the anxiety of waiting and running through all the possible outcomes is killing me.

I'm familiar with this one too. It sucks because it’s easy to feel like it’s a genuine threat.

I think the advice would be something about you don’t have to believe your thoughts. Or you could try that thing where you give yourself a set time to worry?

Anxiety is just soul-sucking.

I'm trying to challenge my negative thoughts. There are reasons to think I was not speeding:

• There was ample other traffic on the road, so if I was speeding, so were we all and that is unlikely.

• I have never been caught speeding before, so there is nothing to suggest I am not generally a careful driver.

• One of the days it was raining heavily. I passed the camera 6 times that day, so I could assume I and the other drivers on the road would have been driving more slowly than usual because of the weather conditions. Out of the total 12 times I passed the camera, there are 6 times remaining.

• One of the days I know for sure I was under the speed limit because I checked. I passed the 3 times that day, so there are now only 3 times remaining.

All of the above makes sense to me and therefore I would likely be looking at a speed awareness course, 6 points and 2 fines assuming I was speeding on the remaining 3 occasions.

My mind doesn't work like that though and until I have reached the end of the 14 day notification period, I cannot rest.

It's because I can't check it. I've really got into a habit of checking things recently, and I thought that was a good thing to do because it stopped my anxiety at the time. However now I've reached a situation that I can't check and it's made me realise it was a really bad habit to get into.

Massive fan of CBT here for this type of anxiety.

CBT as well as ACT can help with this type of anxiety- which I'm hugely familiar with! I've also had similar thoughts re speed cameras. I remember reading somewhere once that worrying about it cannot change the outcome and also in this type of scenario that there is nothing you can do now to change the outcome - it's out of your control. Therefore worrying and thinking about it is completely wasted energy. Your choices, and best way to focus your anxiety, are to assume the worst case scenario and spend the time coming to terms with and working out how you deal with it or accepting that you can't change the outcome and putting it out of your mind, living your life, knowing you can and will deal with whatever happens when it happens. Personally I've found that knowing how I would deal with a bad situation immediately makes me feel calmer about the chance of it happening

See, I recognise the need to get the reasoning down and seek validation, but in my experience this doesn't really help. CBT is a really good idea!

Yeah so I find trying to rationalise it doesn’t work, because anxiety isn’t rational.

I do checking stuff too, a lot. Again, it’s not a solution to anxiety for me because anxiety isn’t about the thing. If you’re not anxious about the oven, you’ll find something else to be anxious about - which is exactly what is happening here. And when this situation plays out, there will be something else. In fact, checking can make it worse because you’re believing that there’s some danger to worry about.

Have you considered professional help?

Honestly- cbt was an absolute game changer for me. Pretty much stopped it in it's tracks, years ago for me now. Some months after completing it I found a breast lump - I was able to completely put any worries about what might happen until I knew what the results were (a cyst of no concern). Utterly transformational and I'd never have believed it beforehand! Anxiety robs us of so much time. Good luck OP

You're doing it right by looking at the worst case scenario. Ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen?

Often, we find that we can actually cope with the worst case and that things will be fine.

And it's great that you're also aware of your need to check things. This is a safety seeking behaviour as it temporarily reduces anxiety.

Are there other things you feel the need to check?

Incomplete sentence there, but you get the gist!

DBT is excellent too. Used to be just for EUPD, but is now being branched out for other conditions. It teaches you how regulate your emotions which in the case of anxiety it’s incredibly hard to do.

This book is excellent.

CBT and DBT Skills Mastery: Combat Overthinking, Anxiety and Stress with Effective CBT and DBT Tools. Overcome Negative Spirals and Stay Present (Mental Wellness) https://amzn.eu/d/0CAbtPF

So I am better to assume the worst and work out how to deal with that instead of try to minimise what might have happened?

The worst case scenario (I think) is that I will have got caught multiple times, taking me over the 12 point limit and getting me a driving ban for 6 months. This will be terrible because I won't be able to get my children to school or their activities. We live very rurally and can't walk to anything.

I'm not sure how I will deal with that?!?!?!

I don’t think you should do either of those things. I you should look up some techniques on how to deal with your anxiety. You’re going to make yourself poorly otherwise.

Plus, unless you are absolutely certain you were going at least 5 miles over the speed limit, you have nothing to worry about. If you were, the likelihood the camera caught on is low, especially if you didn’t see a flash.

Unfortunately I know these ones don't flash. They are new bi-directional cameras which don't use a flash, so I can't use that as comfort.

I did a bit of worst case scenario planning and that made me feel worse. It's going to be a horrible couple of weeks waiting for the post to arrive, I can definitely see myself becoming poorly. I took a diazepam yesterday and have taken a sleeping tablet the past two nights. I need to ring the GP tomorrow I think.

It would be ok if I could just check, even if it's bad news. I just want to know what I'm dealing with.

I think the key thing is to find the approach that's going to help you. If confronting the worst case scenario hasn't helped then you should try something else. One thing I can say with certainty is that worrying for 2 weeks won't help you or change the outcome in anyway so it's utterly pointless and a waste of energy- easy to say but by remembering this when I start to worry often keeps my anxiety at bay. I do think the worst case scenario is highly unlikely as well by the way.

In understanding my own thought processes and dealing with them I found some books very helpful as well as psychology sessions - the chimp paradox and the happiness trap both really transformed the way I think about things/myself and I found comfort recognising myself in what I was reading.

I feel so low. I feel like I've ruined the lives of myself, my children and my husband. Everyone will loose out because of me.

Those are scary thoughts you are having - but it's okay to have them. The thoughts themselves can't do any harm. You have to try to let them wash over you and recognise that they come and go, that that is all they are. Thoughts. Thoughts can often be worse than the reality. You will cope with the outcome, whatever it is, as you've coped before now. You can only change things you have control over.

One of the tools I learnt was to have dedicated "worry time" so I allowed myself to wallow in anxious thoughts for 30 mins at a set time each day. Sounds bonkers but you have to try to train yourself to delay thinking about whatever it is worrying you. I used to tell myself - I'll just do xyz first (dishes/bung washing on/watch a favourite episide of something/whatever) and then I'll allow myself to worry. Once you've got the hang of it, you can extend the time between worry times, or shorten the amount of time you worry. Amazingly you eventually learn to not do it at all. But it helps to do it with support from a professional. Can you make a gp appt to discuss tomorrow? Or look online - you can self refer.

I second the poster who said that the worst case scenario is unlikely to happen.

Is there a way you could come to realise that you haven't ruined anyone's life? Because you really haven't.

yes, please contact your GP tomorrow morning so that you can get some help as you're feeling so low.

I've dragged myself to a bbq at a friend's to try and take my mind off it, but I'm finding it really hard to focus on anything else.

I've taken another diazepam. The more time goes on the more I seem to be getting myself wound up. I thought it would get a bit easier with time, but it seems to be getting harder.

All I can think about is if I loose my license life we be so hard for my husband and children. I'm a SAHM and I need to be able to do the school run. I don't want my children to miss out on all their extra-curricular a because of my stupid mistake and lack of concentration.

Former sufferer of PNA/PND here, still taking sertraline after 5+ years. The “set time to worry” from a pp is a great suggestion. Set the worry time, use it to write down all scenarios and keep the paper with you, so that you know that everything is there and you don’t have to keep it in your head.

Was a suggestion from my NHS CBT therapist indeed, back in 2018. I still use it when needed.

There's a lot of good suggestions on this thread. Everything sounds familiar to me - having been through counselling, docs etc for crippling anxiety in the past. Other things to try are fake it til you make it approach - tell yourself you're fine and happy. Sometimes this only works to get through events or the day etc but enjoying yourself for periods of time is still worth it. Every day find 3 things you're happy and thankful for which gives you something positive to focus on.

Clearly it's not sensible to try everyone's suggestions all at once but you've got things to turn to if something doesn't work or you don't like the sound of something. You're not alone in having anxiety and something will help reduce it to a manageable level.

Thank you all so much for replying.

I like the idea of pretending all is well. That might work. When I wake up, I feel so calm and then this feeling of doom sweeps over me.

I just wish I could work out whether this is 'real' or in my head. Knowing I won't know for 2 weeks is killing me. I'm worried I might do something stupid at a low moment.

I also keep telling myself that the only time I really need to worry is when the postman comes.

At the moment, nothing has actually happened. The only thing I have to go on is my guess that I might have been going too fast and that I can't remember that I wasn't.

The pain of this is just so awful though.

I wish I was able to cope with this better.

You could combine 'pretending to be fine' and allowing a set time to worry about it per day - that way you should be able to get through the next few days without being consumed by this, and compartmentalising it. I suspect you were concentrating more than you thought when you were driving and that the risk of having been done every day is very low but I can understand how you've got to this point.
Please don't do anything stupid - even if (big if) the worst does happen you will cope with it - there isn't anything so far in life that you haven't coped with.