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Original poster

Anxiety about something that hasn't happened (yet?)

78 replies

anxiousatnight · 03/09/2023 09:47

I struggle with 'what if' anxiety. What if I left the oven on, what if I didn't lock the car etc etc.

This week I went past a speed camera 12 times. On one of the last journeys, I checked my speed and it was slightly over - probably not enough for me to be ticketed, but over none the less and I adjusted my speed accordingly.

Now, I am absolutely paranoid that I might have been over the speed limit on some of the other journeys, that I will rack up 12 points in the space of a week and loose my license. I can't remember what speed I was doing the previous times, and because I can't remember, my anxiety is spiralling.

I should know within a couple of weeks whether I was caught or not, but the anxiety of waiting and running through all the possible outcomes is killing me.

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 04/09/2023 20:58

anxiousatnight · 04/09/2023 20:56

I've just googled Anticipatory Anxiety and it makes so much sense.

I hope now you know what it is you can get help towards overcoming it. It can be done! Flowers

FlyingUnicornWings · 04/09/2023 21:22

just wanted to mention bilateral stimulation too - there’s lots of it on YouTube - it calms the brain down so would be good to do before you go to bed.

Conkered · 04/09/2023 21:33

That's excellent you've found something that makes sense to you!

And now you can say that to the gp tomorrow. Which, if you hadn't had a bad day today, you wouldn't have had the opportunity to because you wouldn't have known about it!

So even if bad things happen (which I think is unlikely in your case any way) it can create alternative outcomes you've not considered, and not all bad - you might find a number of people in your area caught by the same camera and might be able to come up with a plan to help each other out. You might make new friends! If you have to go on a drivers awareness course, you might learn something that you then use to avoid a different catastrophe with a worde outcome in the future. I had to do one once and I found it really helpful - it's actually a really good course and everyone there was in the same boat. It was annoying to have to make the time for it, but not so bad in the end.

stayclosetoyourself · 04/09/2023 21:33

anxiousatnight · 04/09/2023 20:22

Thank you. Messaging on here is really helping me. I hope you all don't mind.

I was talking with my FiL about the worst case scenario (which he doesn't think will happen). The prospect of loosing my license is horrendous, but no one has died or been hurt, and in 12 months life will likely be plodding on the same.

Yes! This
Let it go.
I used to have intense anticipatory anxiety about work on a Monday morning. It really was excruciating. It was mainly about feeling responsible. On a background of too much overall stress unsupportive partner offloading his stress in to me and some PTSD.
I had therapy with a skilled therapist. Sometimes I had to write a list of skills to use for each hour throughout Sunday. It's how I know so many CBT/ DBT/ psychological skills as well as having worked in psychiatry.
It's true about the worst case scenario - if the worst happened in your eyes and you lost your licence which seems quite illogical as you haven't even got any points yet, you would still be ok.

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 05/09/2023 06:49

Managed to sleep but have woken up feeling very anxious.

Good things are:

Haven't taken diazepam since Sunday

Haven't taken a sleeping tablet since Saturday night.

Haven't googled speeding points, disqualification since Sunday. Have wanted to at times but have been able to stop myself as this will just feed the anxiety.

Have managed to perform normal functions - making packed lunches, putting washing away etc.

Still not able to 'put my anxiety away' if that makes sense.

Need the morning to hurry up a bit and get the day started. Going to try and get through to the doctors at 8. Not feeling great.

OP posts:
FlyingUnicornWings · 05/09/2023 10:00

Did you manage to get through?

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 05/09/2023 10:27

Yes I've just spoken to someone. They've prescribed Sertraline and propanolol. I'm picking it up in a minute.

I feel absolutely terrible

OP posts:
Original poster
anxiousatnight · 05/09/2023 14:19

My feelings have improved a bit as the day has gone on. Since speaking to the doctor, I have done some jobs at home, been into town and collected my prescription, had a chat with some people I bumped into in town and collected my youngest from school.

I still have the speeding issue in my mind, but it is not consuming me as much as it was.

OP posts:
SillyDoriswithaDangler · 05/09/2023 14:48

I was exactly like this and once this particular situation is resolved, the mind will latch on to the next one and the cycle starts all over again. It is exhausting and an unbearable way to live. 20mg of Escitalopram saved me, I took years to work up the courage to take medication but now I wish I had started earlier.

The overwhelming dread when I wake up, the never ending obsession and Catastrophising is gone and has been for years

Marmitemyway · 05/09/2023 14:51

I know how you feel and can understand how it is taking over every waking moment. CBt etc is great but I also suggest you listen to the podcast your anxiety tool kit on Spotify with Kimberly Quinlan - I find it really helps. Some one else suggested a Ted talk from Tim Box which also put anxiety into a slightly more manageable perspective
good luck

ManchesterLu · 05/09/2023 14:56

I used to have these kinds of thoughts. I started Sertraline in Jan 2021 and have been so much better since. Not perfect, but a heck of a lot better, to the point where my anxiety is no longer the main thing about me.. if that makes sense. The worries I have now and normal and rational, the vast, vast majority of the time - and I only generally have down days when I'm hormonal.

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 05/09/2023 16:45

Unbearable sums it up. I feel better than I did this morning. During the middle of the day I felt almost normal with just a dull reminder hanging over me. It's hard to try and improve my state of mind whilst always having the thought that all my hard work might be undone if a speeding fine lands on the doorstep.

OP posts:
Blimeor · 05/09/2023 18:17

Mornings tend to be worse because your cortisol (I think) levels are high in the morning then gradually tapers off during the day.

I totally understand how you feel.

It's awful.

And like a lot of things unless you've been through it noone else understands. Anxiety is just seen as you being oversensitive, but it's a physical thing that affects your thoughts that then affects your physical that then affects your thoughts and so on - it's a never-ending loop.

In my experience it WILL slow and reduce down - eventually. It's actually more of a spiral than a loop for me. Every turn tapers off ever so slightly. But by god it reduces extremely slowly AND it doesn't take much to create a new spiral to start about something else, and then you're back to the beginning.

Stress makes me more likely to relapse btw (again, this is my personal experience).

CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy · 05/09/2023 23:01

You sound so much more positive OP! Well done for taking matters into your own hands Flowers you got this!

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 06/09/2023 06:34

Yesterday was a day of two halves. After feeling so much better during the early afternoon, I went quite downhill again later on. I felt really anxious all evening and had a bad nights sleep. I think it might be the propanolol, one of the symptoms is disturbed sleep, which is ironic for a mental health medication.

Does anyone know much about propanolol? I understand that it doesn't stop the thoughts but stops the symptoms, therefore giving less feedback and limiting the cycle. It's only been a day but I don't think it's working for me. I did take one not long before bed though, so maybe I won't do that today.

OP posts:
Original poster
anxiousatnight · 06/09/2023 10:20

Feeling a little lighter. Just had my hair cut and a nice chat with the hair dresser (about other stuff, not this stuff)

I hope people don't mind me clogging this thread up with my thoughts, it's helpful to write down when I'm feeling good as well as when I'm feeling bad. It was useful during the night to look back at my more positive posts from yesterday afternoon to know that it is possible to feel that way.

You're all so lovely for holding my hand through this, it's really making a difference to me x

OP posts:
Conkered · 06/09/2023 21:56

That's really sweet OP, hope you've carried on having a good day today. It's your thread so use it in whatever way is helpful to you x

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 07/09/2023 09:09

Morning.

Had a better night's sleep. Woke up at 4:30 and couldn't drift off again, but slept soundly until then.

Beginning to see things more clearly. Reframing the events of last week. Still very nervous about something landing on the doorstep, but there are now a few occasions that I think 'it'll be ok'.

My husband thinks I would have heard something by now regarding the trips I made on Tuesday last week. The legal deadline is 14 days but apparently most are received within 7, which has been and gone.

I'm managing to function fairly normally now. I've just got this feeling of dread in the background which is making it impossible to completely life my life without worry.

OP posts:
Conkered · 07/09/2023 12:24

Sounds really good OP, well done. I hope your DC first days at schools are going well too Smile

Conkered · 07/09/2023 12:25

That feeling of dread is something you can and will get help to deal with. It won't be forever Smile

FlyingUnicornWings · 07/09/2023 16:16

Really happy to hear things are settling now x

Hbh17 · 07/09/2023 16:32

The thing is that - in this situation - the "damage" is done and past events can't be changed. So worrying about it is completely and utterly pointless. Seems to be some good advice from other people on how to get help.

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 07/09/2023 16:33

Had the phone call from talking therapy, got an assessment booked in for a couple of weeks' time

OP posts:
Conkered · 07/09/2023 17:28

That's great news! So pleased they have been able to arrange something quickly for you. I wondered if there might be a bit of a waiting list, so that's really good. It will be good timing if there is news you find upsetting, so I hope that makes you feel better that you wont be facing it alone, although I really don't think you will be in much trouble, if at all. Flowers

It's not like you were doing 90mph in a 30 limit or anything. Even if slightly over, it would not be too awful, especially if you've been consistently under the limit since.

HippoStraw · 07/09/2023 19:09

I completely relate to this. In fact done the same exact sequence of thoughts. It is truly awful and exhausting so you have my sympathy. One phrase I find helpful is ‘you can worry once, or worry twice’. In other words, o ly after it’s happened. For some reason it clicks with me. Also, sharing the worry definitely helps.