Anxiety about something that hasn't happened (yet?)

[anxiousatnight]

I struggle with 'what if' anxiety. What if I left the oven on, what if I didn't lock the car etc etc.

This week I went past a speed camera 12 times. On one of the last journeys, I checked my speed and it was slightly over - probably not enough for me to be ticketed, but over none the less and I adjusted my speed accordingly.

Now, I am absolutely paranoid that I might have been over the speed limit on some of the other journeys, that I will rack up 12 points in the space of a week and loose my license. I can't remember what speed I was doing the previous times, and because I can't remember, my anxiety is spiralling.

I should know within a couple of weeks whether I was caught or not, but the anxiety of waiting and running through all the possible outcomes is killing me.

Well done for getting yourself out to the bbq - that must have taken a lot of strength to decide to do that. I really think you definitely need to talk to a gp tomorrow - it's great that you recognise this. Tell them everything you've told us here - could even print this thread out if that would help? In the mean time, as hard as it is, just try to relax and know that you're doing your best and the right things in terms of dealing with this right now. Coming on here and getting support, getting yourself out today - all really positive. You're working really hard to overcome this and you've every chance of coming through this, whatever the outcome. A note from your gp to whoever might issue a speeding notice, might help your situation should the worst happen. In the mean time, is there a plan we can help you come up with if the thoughts do get too much? What about giving the Samaritans a call?

I agree that you may need help to address your anxiety level in general.
For this issue try to accept that what is happening is that you are scaring yourself with a situation that hasn't actually occurred, but is an uncertainty or fear you feel you can't cope with.
You haven't actually been caught speeding.
If you were to be caught you will be able to cope and deal with the situation at that time. Trust in yourself you can cope.
No one has been hurt.

It was so hard at the bbq. I could have left at any moment. Seeing everyone so happy and the children playing while I feel like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. My husband is fed up of hearing about it. I used to talk to my sister about this stuff, but we aren't close anymore. I just need someone to hold my hand through the worry.

I recognise my need for certainty. To be certain I've switched the oven off, locked the car etc. This is something I cannot be certain of and I think my over checking of things to be certain recently has led to me reacting so badly now.

I managed to sleep most of the night without a sleeping tablet. I was absolutely exhausted. Combination of diazepam and being on such high alert all the time.

I wondered whether my GP might be able to obtain the data from my local police force to put me out of my misery early, on grounds that the worry is making me poorly. Unlikely I know, but I'm clutching at straws. I did read somewhere that they usually come through within 5 working days, so if nothing has come by the end of this week I might feel slightly better perhaps.

I've got all the physical symptoms, right chest, tingly arms, exhaustion. Hate this so much.

Keeping feelings like this to yourself is really hard. Depending how you get on at the gp and whether you're able to start any talking therapies quickly (cbt and act for example) I would urge you to find some books (chimp paradox and the happiness trap I mentioned earlier) others may also have some recommendations. Reading made me feel less alone when I recognised myself in what I was reading. It sounds like this isn't the first instance where you've faced anxiety and you need the tools to cope with future worries as well, not just this one.

I've reached out to my sister and she has been talking to me. We used to talk about this a lot previously but we haven't been so close lately so it took a lot to contact her. She has been helpful.

She doesn't think I will have been caught speeding, but understands that the waiting game is difficult. She has suggested I allow myself to worry when I check the post, and then assuming nothing comes, says I need to make myself get on with the day.

I'm so cross with myself because my youngest starts school tomorrow and I was feeling in a really good place with it all. Now this is going to taint his first day. We've had such a lovely summer holiday and this ending has spoilt it.

I just don't know how to put these feelings to one side.

Well done for reaching out to your sister. Really hoping you get a gp appt soon and they can suggest some support for you asap. I hope there is some comfort in knowing there are strategies out there you can learn to help you. This too shall pass.

I'm definitely up for trying strategies, but I'm worried they will take too long to take effect. And ultimately, if I have done what I think I've done, coping strategies can't change that.

Speak to your gp about CBT and could you also get some private counselling with someone who specialises in this type of anxiety?

The points isn't the issue here, it's your inability to just 'let it be' and worrying about it.

My love you must be exhausted. You poor poor thing. I don’t know what to suggest that others haven’t already but here to give you a hand hold.

I know the type of anxiety and once it takes over it takes over. Please keep talking here, esp if things get worse.

I think a handhold is exactly what I'm looking for. I feel really guilty and vulnerable.

What can you do today to distract yourself?

I have come out with my FiL and my children. My MiL and FiL were meant to be taking them out for the day, but she's woken up with a tummy bug so couldn't come. Good because he is lovely, understanding and we're out and about on the fresh air. Does mean ringing tinge GP will have to wait until tomorrow, but that's how the day has worked out.

It’s excellent that you’re out and about though. I hope you have a lovely day x

I've managed lunch which is good, I haven't eaten much lately.

Feel like I'm just going through the motions with the dull dread feeling hanging over me.

Just got home, no post.

Threw up as soon as I got here.

I feel racked with guilt for my children who go back to school tomorrow. It's my youngest's first day and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I feel so underprepared. He deserves so much better than me.

I had a long course of CBT, think it was 20 sessions? Via the NHS and it helped soooo much. This was my biggest anxiety issue. Im still prone to it obviously after building up the habit probably since my mid teens, but I can shut it down much quicker now if I'm concentrating! It is such a terrible waste of energy

A complete waste of energy, I feel so exhausted all the time at the moment.

I am going to try and use my youngest starting school as my strength to pull myself through this. I will not ruin this for him by being a wreck.

You will get there OP, I know it doesn't feel like it currently, but you will regain your energy and be the mum you want to be. You can't help it while you're in the throws of it, so try not to beat yourself up. Easier said than done. Positive affirmations can be helpful too though, maybe have a google there. You are a good mum, doing your best. They'll be some mums doing better and some worse! All your dc need is for you to do your best. What would you say to someone else feeling the way you do?

Also wondering how your cycle is? I know my cycle anxiety wreaked havoc for me, which I didn't fully appreciate until after I had my hysterectomy, but I know too that's not the same for everyone.

I've just listened to a CBT video which has helped a little. The video made a point about manifesting how you are going to feel once the event is over. So for example if you are worried about a presentation at work, say to yourself 'at the moment I feel anxious about the presentation, but when I've done it I'm going to feel calm, relaxed and balanced'. I think the idea is that your telling yourself how you will eventually feel, even if you don't feel it right now.

So, at the moment I'm feeling anxious waiting to find out whether I've been caught speeding and lost my driving licence, but when the wait is over I will feel calm and happy again.

I've had a fairly good couple of hours feeling quite normal but I feel quite threatened again now. Doomed.

Having said that, the way I felt last night I never thought I'd feel normal ever again, so I suppose a couple of hours is fairly good.

Baby steps OP. It's really good you've managed a couple of hours! Thats a great start. Keep reading up and watching videos. It takes some practice and there'll be good days and bad. Perhaps you should allow yourself some worry time every couple of hours to start with, then try again. Write down the things that have helped and the difference it's made. Keep a journal, or write it out on here I guess!

Thank you. Messaging on here is really helping me. I hope you all don't mind.

I was talking with my FiL about the worst case scenario (which he doesn't think will happen). The prospect of loosing my license is horrendous, but no one has died or been hurt, and in 12 months life will likely be plodding on the same.

Oh OP, what you have actually has a name – it's called Anticipatory Anxiety, otherwise known as the Doomsday Disorder. It's a recognised mental health condition and it's categorised separately from GAD. I suffered with it for years, always worrying about future events and always expecting the worst. I ended up having a near breakdown from the stress of living with it but thanks to my amazing GP and some very intensive CBT I have learned to manage it. Please, please go to see your GP and ask for help. Anticipatory Anxiety can be debilitating but you don't have to suffer forever with it.

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/anxiety-type/anticipatory-anxiety/#:~:text=Anticipatory%20anxiety%20is%20where%20a,conditions%2C%20such%20as%20generalised%20anxiety.

I've just googled Anticipatory Anxiety and it makes so much sense.