Baby was born unexpectidly with down syndrome. And its caused severe trauma to mee since.
I never wanted to take on this journey but felt pressure from her dad and family and friends who knew i had her.
Her dad left me and takes her at the weekends, full time care has been left to me. I have been suicidal since her birth. I am unable for the journey ahead, my placenta failed aswell so lack of oxygen has probably made down syndrome severe.
Every time i think of my future all i want is a rope, and noone is helping me, all doctors and mental health teams say its normal.
Now ive bonded with this baby and i love her but she wont always stay that way and the thought of her future and mine definitely has me suicidal.
My family said im digusting and will be disowned if i give her over to her dad.
He says he will take on full time care but then refuses to leave work and wants to leave her with his elderly parents. Making me more guilty.
Judge if you want but not everyone is able for this journey. I am going to sue my doctors, i feel like they should all be in prison. They took my life from me . I should have had a choice. My life feels like damned if i do damned if i dont. Death seems easier both ways.
This shouldnt have happened me. Plus i dont want this life for my daughter. As i said they let my placenta fail due to negligence and the lack of oxygen in my eyes means her future will be bad. I feel very guilty for bringing life like this in the world. Feel like i ruined so many lives. But i deserved better care, its 2023 not 1923. This shouldnt have happened