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Original poster

The only reason why I don't is because of my mum

100 replies

Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:09

I'd like to end my life and have felt like this for a long time but I know my mum would be very upset. If you're a mum, I'd like your opinion. If I write her a letter explaining that I couldn't continue a life of pain and torture and I will be at peace and wont suffer anymore, do you think that in time she will be able to accept this and she would be okay? As opposed to her watching me feel suicidal forever which causes her pain every day.

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 28/07/2023 19:12

I think while she has you she has hope that you will feel OK one day. Have you seen your GP? Are you on any anti-depressants to help you?

Littlemissprosecco · 28/07/2023 19:15

No, I don’t think I could cope with that from one of my children. There is always hope

MissAmbrosia · 28/07/2023 19:15

My daughter dying is the worst thing I can possibly imagine. I fear I would never get over it. Please seek some help.

Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:16

Winter2020 · 28/07/2023 19:12

I think while she has you she has hope that you will feel OK one day. Have you seen your GP? Are you on any anti-depressants to help you?

I know that I won't be okay one day. I'm not sure she believes that I will be okay one day. Yes I've seen my GP, seen psychiatrists nhs and private, mental health nurses, many different counsellors. I've been unwell for 16 years. Been on five different kinds of anti depressants.

OP posts:
Iguessyourestuckwithme · 28/07/2023 19:17

One ofthe reasons I'm holding on is this year a young member of my family was murdered. Watching their immediate family deal with the outcome means I can't do this to mine.

bossybloss · 28/07/2023 19:19

I would never ever get over it . Please please don’t do it.What has brought you to this state of mind? What support are you receiving.If you are feeling suicidal right now would you consider ringing the Samaritans? X

Dombasle · 28/07/2023 19:22

Parents never want to outlive their children under any circumstances. The pain of losing a child at any age is beyond devastating.

Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:23

bossybloss · 28/07/2023 19:19

I would never ever get over it . Please please don’t do it.What has brought you to this state of mind? What support are you receiving.If you are feeling suicidal right now would you consider ringing the Samaritans? X

I live in constant extreme misery and distress. Every moment is a complete struggle. From the moment I open my eyes I feel an absolute sense of dread of having to endure and struggle through another day. My life means nothing.
I see a counsellor once a week. I don't have any other support. I don't really find the counsellor supportive.

OP posts:
Whattodowithit88 · 28/07/2023 19:23

No she would never get over it. It would be like a nightmare that literally came to life. No parent should ever have to bury their own child, it’s beyond comprehension.
My heart breaks for anyone who has had to do it, I couldn’t even imagine it. Please don’t do it, it’s normally a parents biggest fear.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 28/07/2023 19:23

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]] or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Whattodowithit88 · 28/07/2023 19:24

Why are you in misery and distress?
Are you disabled? Are you in pain? Do you have experience of a horrible event?

Why is this something that cannot be over come?

Dombasle · 28/07/2023 19:25

Please seek immediate help via the Samaritans or Mind.

By: Allie Marie Smith

What if I told you not to leave?

What if I told you that you would get through this?

That you are stronger than you think you are.

What if I told you this world is not better off without you in it?

But that it is more beautiful because you are here.

What if I told you there are good gifts waiting for you on the other side of this darkness.

That you will smile again.

What if I told you that this is not your fault?

That there is help and hope is alive.
What if I told you we need you to stay?

That you are loved more than you can comprehend and there is a good plan unfolding for your life.

What if I told you one day your pain can be transformed into purpose?
If I told you these things, would you please stay?

What if I told you I was that girl who almost left too soon?

What if I told you I discovered good gifts on the other side of the darkness?

Would you believe there is hope for you too?

I know you feel alone and hopeless, but hope is alive and available to you. You are not alone in your thoughts or in your pain.

Many others, like me, have been where you are and have endured hard days to find joy and purpose again.

If you are struggling with thoughts of ending your life, please tell someone immediately.

This world needs you to stay.

RunningFromInsanity · 28/07/2023 19:27

Suicide doesn’t erase the pain, it just passes it on to those that loved you.

She will never get over it.

loveyouradvice · 28/07/2023 19:27

Please please don't ... the pain you will leave her with is unimaginable and she will never ever recover.

I know you feel that this will never change but while you are alive, there is hope.... I promise you that there is, even though you may not realise it.

As hard as it is, please do try and find some things in your life that give you a little hope... even just the occasional glimmer... it could be something very simple like a gardening club that meets each week, or something else in nature... Where are you based?

Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:29

Whattodowithit88 · 28/07/2023 19:24

Why are you in misery and distress?
Are you disabled? Are you in pain? Do you have experience of a horrible event?

Why is this something that cannot be over come?

I am in pain with a chronic health condition.
I am traumatised by a horrific event 3 years ago.
I don't believe this is something that can be overcome because I've been unwell for years and years and no GP or psychiatrist or mental health team or counsellor or medication has been able to make and keep me well and I cannot face living the rest of my life like this, I just cannot do it.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 28/07/2023 19:29

Your mum won’t recover.
My nephew died a few years ago- he was just a bit older than you, but his death has broken my sister.

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 28/07/2023 19:31

I am so sorry to read you feel this way.
As a mother I think it would destroy me and I would end up taking the same path after my child. It would be too unbareable.
Please don’t do this.
I KNOW life can be cruel and hard and it must be truly awful to have felt like this for so long, but there is truth in the saying ‘where there is life, there is hope’.
Has something triggered the pain you feel?

Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:33

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 28/07/2023 19:31

I am so sorry to read you feel this way.
As a mother I think it would destroy me and I would end up taking the same path after my child. It would be too unbareable.
Please don’t do this.
I KNOW life can be cruel and hard and it must be truly awful to have felt like this for so long, but there is truth in the saying ‘where there is life, there is hope’.
Has something triggered the pain you feel?

I have a sibling so I don't think she'd do the same as me. I just think it causes her a lot of pain and distress to see me so unhappy and in pain all the time and she can't help me and at least she'd know I was at peace and not suffering anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:34

5 years ago I wrote all my goodbye letters. I can't say I don't regret going through with it.

OP posts:
Dombasle · 28/07/2023 19:38

'at least she'd know I was at peace and not suffering anymore.'

That is your opinion and view of what you THINK she MAY feel.

More than likely she will be fixated dow the rest of her life on what she could have done to stop you from leaving and ending your life.

I don't know about your health problem but the traumatic event that occurred three years ago is still very raw and healing needs more time.

Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 19:42

Dombasle · 28/07/2023 19:38

'at least she'd know I was at peace and not suffering anymore.'

That is your opinion and view of what you THINK she MAY feel.

More than likely she will be fixated dow the rest of her life on what she could have done to stop you from leaving and ending your life.

I don't know about your health problem but the traumatic event that occurred three years ago is still very raw and healing needs more time.

3 years is a long time though and I feel just as much pain and trauma as I did the day it happened. It's made me lose hope that I will one day feel any differently about it. I can include in my letter to her that there is absolutely nothing she could have done to help or change things and it is not her fault and she must not blame herself..

OP posts:
Dombasle · 28/07/2023 19:57

With all due respect you can tell her how to feel as much as you want in a letter but the reality of her emotions is not going to be the neat tying up of ends that you think it will be if you take your life.

You need to tell your GP that you have reached the end of coping and have to explore other avenues of therapy.

Have you been in a secure unit before?

stayathomegardener · 28/07/2023 20:01

No your Mum would never get over losing you no matter what reassurances or justifications you put in a letter.

Could I ask what your health condition is? I've just started a new off license treatment which has been transformative and wondering if that could help you.

Original poster
Inneedofaholiday22 · 28/07/2023 20:10

Dombasle · 28/07/2023 19:57

With all due respect you can tell her how to feel as much as you want in a letter but the reality of her emotions is not going to be the neat tying up of ends that you think it will be if you take your life.

You need to tell your GP that you have reached the end of coping and have to explore other avenues of therapy.

Have you been in a secure unit before?

I told my GP I wanted to end my life, they sent me for an assessment with the mental health nurse at the practice.
Nope, never been in a secure unit.

OP posts:
GardeningIdiot · 28/07/2023 20:12

Not what you asked, OP, but as you have experienced a very traumatic event l, have you looked into EMDR?