OP I’m going to give you a somewhat different answer. Actually I’m not giving you an answer at all because there is no good answer. It’s so easy for all of these people to tell you don’t do it, the world needs you, it will get better. They think because they or their brother or best friend has been depresssed and gotten through it that you can too. And you probably can. But the truth is none of us know what comes after death so how can we say for sure that suicide is always worse?
My sister has has depression and anxiety since her teens, exacerbated in the last 12 years by physical illness and unthinkable trauma. With the right support many people in my sister’s position could learn to cope but nothing has helped her. She’s had every kind of therapy you can think of, including CBT, DBT, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, transcranial brain stimulation, even ECT. She’s seen countless doctors and tried every antidepressant available including cannabis and ketamine, which are both available legally where she lives but highly experimental. Our family has sacrificed an enormous amount to pay for all of this but the money is the least of it. The emotional, logistical and practical impact for her and for those who care for her is indescribable. I have my own life, career and family but it is all shaped by the constant fear and responsibility of managing my sister’s
condition, especially now that our mum is getting older and less able to cope. I don’t resent my sister in any way, I love her and we are so proud of her for putting in so much effort to get better. But I‘m no longer absolutely certain that this is easier than the alternative.
Years ago when my sister first mentioned suicide I would just cry and say all of the things PPs have said to you. I told her it would destroy me and our mum, that we needed her, and that if she just hung in there it would eventually get better. At the time I believed those things but I’m not sure I do anymore. And even if things do get better I don’t know that it would be enough to balance the hell she is going through every day. It’s easy for me to tell her all of the things she should do differently but the truth is she is nearly 40 and hasn’t held down a steady job or had a real relationship in over a decade. With her health issues and PTSD it’s looking less and less likely that she ever will. At this point it honestly feels selfish of me to ask her to keep going through it just because I don’t want to lose her. Who am I to keep telling her she is strong enough to get through this and capable of changing? I always thought suicide should be avoided at any cost but I wonder now if it can be a rational response to deeply painful circumstances. If my sister had terminal cancer and wanted to go to Dignitas I would take her there myself. Obviously this is different and as long as there is a chance of her getting better I can’t condone her suicide and certainly would never facilitate it. But realistically as time goes on I wonder how different this really is from a painful terminal physical illness. I have not said this to my sister and I probably never will. And I can’t know how I will actually feel if she does end her life.
I am in no way telling you it’s ok to take your own life. That’s not mine to say and I certainly can’t speak for your family members. I know if it happens for my sister I will be devastated and I will never get over it. But the truth is I already am devastated. I will continue to do everything in my power to keep my sister around but if she can’t handle it anymore I will try to see it from her perspective and hopefully someday forgive her. Whether I will be able to I don’t know.
I know this is a lot and I’m not really saying anything except that I understand that this is much more complicated than most PPs seem to understand.