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Original poster

To feel suicidal about mortgage/interest rates

165 replies

mortgagequandary · 13/07/2023 08:46

I am sorry if this post upsets anyone but my mind is constantly occupied with the fear of losing my house. [PART OF POST REMOVED BY MNHQ AS WE DON'T ALLOW MENTION OF SELF-HARM/ SUICIDE METHODS]

But I don't know where to turn and can't tell anyone in real life . I wake up every morning and feel hopeless. I am too scared to do anything but I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up

I am terrified of losing my home and not being able to provide suitable accommodation for my children. I have been here 13 years ago when I was evicted from a rental as a young single mum and the fear and shame about not being able to even provide a roof for your kids is awful. I was lucky enough to get a small council house which would not happen now, this made me able to save a deposit and 7 years ago we bought a tiny house. I then moved to a slightly bigger house in 2019 but it's just still modest 3 bed terrace - I was told I could borrow over 100k more but I stayed sensible

We don't have any kind of flashy life. We live paycheque to paycheque. Between me and H we have 5 jobs. I work about 40 hours in 3 pt jobs and he has a main job and an evening job. Since last year when rates started to rise I have used every spare penny I have making overpayments. I have now paid about £5500 but still got 103k owed so feels pointless and not enough as I don't think will make any difference to what my new payments will be

I have a year left now til my fixed ends. and I feel like that will be it then, I won't get to keep my house

I am worth more dead to my family because if I died my mortgage would be paid off and then my husband and kids would always have a home .

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/07/2023 08:49

Do you have any wriggle room in your finances? It reads a little dramatic, if you borrowed less than you could surely you disposable income?

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 13/07/2023 08:51

A mortgage is a long-term thing, they wont just take your house off you. Firstly i would speak to your mortgage company to see what their variable is and what the costs woudl be. I would then go to see a financial advisor about 4 months before your fixed term ends to see what else is on the market and if it is temporarily worth you moving to interest only while saving extra in the background. I completely understand as I have had these thoughts myself with money but with a financial advisor you can get a clear plan in place and that will hopefully help settle your mind. Good luck OP, there are lots of us out here struggling at the moment with the costs of mortgages and rents, you are not on your own xxxxx

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 13/07/2023 08:52

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/07/2023 08:49

Do you have any wriggle room in your finances? It reads a little dramatic, if you borrowed less than you could surely you disposable income?

I 'had' disposable income when i took my mortgage out. It has gone up £400.00 per month, my energy went up another £200.00pm and cost of food another extra £200pm....so there went all my 'wiggle room'

Kirstyshine · 13/07/2023 08:53

Your feelings are from the awful time you had as a younger woman. You are catastrophising, understandably. Your family need you, independent of that, you are worthy of a place in this world. Please talk to your husband & look at eg Martin Lewis, get a set of possible scenarios in mind.
I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time.

Hugasauras · 13/07/2023 08:53

Oh OP, you need to speak to someone. Your reaction is really disproportionate to what you're facing and you are catastrophising!

  • You are still on a fixed rate, so you have some time for things to change and for your own situations to improve.
  • There are new rules coming in that will allow you to easily switch to interest-only or extend the term of your mortgage online. If things get dire, you can do this for a while and that will take the pressure off.
  • It takes a long time for the bank to repossess a home and you wouldn't suddenly be made homeless.
  • You are worth more to your husband and children than the walls around them. Speaking as someone who has just lost my darling mum, please appreciate how important you are to your children. You are their guiding star and as long as you stick together and love each other, you can handle what happens.
MintJulia · 13/07/2023 08:53

It's important to realise that this stuff is temporary but, yes you need a plan.

When you come to remortgage, you could choose to lengthen the term of your mortgage, to bring the payments down, and then shorten it again when rates fall.

Or you could go interest-only for a year or two until rates fall. Start the conversation with your lender 4-5 months before the end of term. They will come up with something. It is in no-one's interest to end up with thousands of houses being repossessed.

And never imagine you are worth more dead than alive. Your dcs need you every day and they won't care what house they live in. xx

Peacoffee · 13/07/2023 08:54

Well all you can do is sit down and actually look at your income.
You have a low balance on your mortgage so the payment should be relatively low on your incomes.
You need to go through the last 3-6 months of your bank statements and categorise every single penny you’ve spent.
Break it down into mortgage, energy, insurance, internet, water, big food shops and then look at every other card transaction and work out where your money has gone.
That’s the only way you can figure out what can be reduced.
Look up Dave Ramsey, he’s great if you haven’t been properly budgeting already imo.

MrsElsa · 13/07/2023 08:54

Have you used a mortgage calculator to see what you would be paying at a range of higher rates?

For example we owe more than you and would pay around 350 more each month at today's rate.

Facts will help you calm down, once you have a feel for the actual amount extra to pay you will be able to assess your options properly and make a plan.

It is scary but there's no need to panic, better to plan.

Quitelikeit · 13/07/2023 08:55

I know it’s not want you want to hear but because you only owe 103k the rate increase is not going to be that high.

think maybe £150 a month more?

also are you getting all of the benefits you are entitled to?

Hankunamatata · 13/07/2023 08:56

It's not going to be forever. Extend your term or go interest only.

askmeonemoretime · 13/07/2023 08:58

You could always work one day every weekend. This would easily cover the increased mortgage. Not ideal I know, but you do have options. Or lengthen the term of your mortgage.
Your feelings are because of your previous experiences

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/07/2023 08:58

You aren't thinking logically about this. first of all I would urge you to contact a mortgage broker who can discuss some options with you. You will spiral into negative thought process without basing it on facts.
You were savvy to not borrow more so well done for that!!

The next thing to do would be extend your term. We just extended from 16yrs to 25 and will ultimately reduce our monthly repayment. When/if rates fall again at the following fix you may well be in the next Loan to Value percentage and so the mortgage offers will be at a better rate yet, you'll have more equity in your house too. So then there is an opportunity to reduce the term again.

JennyForeigner · 13/07/2023 09:02

There is something the mortgage charter 85% of banks are signed up to that allow you to switch to an interest only mortgage for a time, take a mortgage holiday or remortgage without affordability checks. It is frightening, but the worst things you are imagining won't happen. Hopefully you will find reading up on it comforting.

Wynston · 13/07/2023 09:04

@Quitelikeit how do you work what out??

Tryingmuchharder · 13/07/2023 09:05

Please seek out help for your mental health.

You are much better off alive and your loved ones would agree. My nephew committed suicide and left behind a wife and children who are damaged for life.

There are debt advisors that could help with a plan. Extend term, if repayment. Make repayment programmes for other debt. Plan which expenditure must stay and which you can delay. Get an expert to help you and start with the CAB.

Original poster
mortgagequandary · 13/07/2023 09:06

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/07/2023 08:49

Do you have any wriggle room in your finances? It reads a little dramatic, if you borrowed less than you could surely you disposable income?

Our disposable income is mainly going on overpayments (also had £1000 of car repairs recently)

If our mortgage goes up to more a month than what we're over paying + our normal payment which it could do from what I'm reading ...we can't afford it

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 13/07/2023 09:07
  1. DO NOT BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND

2)STOP PANICKING

  1. Go on bbc mortgage calculator and it will tell you near enough how much more you will need to pay

  2. speak to your lender 4-5 months before end of fixed rate as you can arrange a new amount 6 months before your fixed terms ends AND you are NOT locked into that over the last 6 months if rates fall again and if they don't they go up well you accept that rate you've been quoted 6 months before your term ends

  3. as others have said you can extend the terms or go interest only

  4. do the above and you will NOT loose your house

Orangesandlemons24 · 13/07/2023 09:09

Although my feelings aren't quite as extreme as yours I am also anxious about this. I am currently on mat leave and my company are making redundancies. I have been made redundant before so this has really made me feel very uneasy and our mortgage is also up next year. We have a much bigger mortgage than you but I've been trying to work on our budget and cut down on non essentials and also remind myself that we can do interest only and/or extend the term for a while. Also we don't know where rates might be next year, hopefully they will come down a bit.
This has obviously triggered something from your past so please seek some help with that. Your family need you and please remember that you will get through this tricky time.

BlushBlue · 13/07/2023 09:09

I'd speak to your lender at this stage Flowers

willWillSmithsmith · 13/07/2023 09:10

Imagine how your children would feel knowing you weren’t here because of money? It’s really not worth that kind of trauma to your children. I spent many sleepless nights worrying about my mortgage and increasing bills back in the 90s but these things come and go. I can barely remember it now but it caused me huge stress at the time.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/07/2023 09:11

So it's not a big as deal as you make out. Increase term by five years and you may just have to stop overpaying for a while. 🤷

Gooseysgirl · 13/07/2023 09:15

How old are you OP? If time is on your side it is likely that you will be able to extend the term of your mortgage. We are in our late 40s and were offered an option of 20 years by our broker if we needed it. We have chosen to stick with our current 15 years remaining to keep our options open for earlier retirement, and we are fortunate that we can take the financial hit for now.
My advice to you is...

  1. firstly and foremost, see your GP for help with your mental health - book a double appointment as it is not a conversation you can have in ten mins (speaking from experience!!).
  2. Secondly, in six months time have all your paperwork ready (evidence of earnings etc) and make an appointment with a really good mortgage broker. Do an FB search on your local FB pages, but don't book with anyone recommending themselves - do your research! If you are anywhere near NE London or in west Essex then please message me because our broker is excellent and I'm happy to pass on her details to you

💐

MammaTo · 13/07/2023 09:16

As someone who works in a mortgage collections department the best advice I can give is not to bury your head in the sand, which given how upset you are is so hard not to do.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the overpayments as your mortgage is a long term debt, if you can’t make over
payments then it is what it is - just focus on making your regular payments.
If you have any unsecured debts eg loans, credit cards see if you can get a plan in place for these.
Also have a play with some mortgage calculators, see what your payments would go to if rates went up.
If your mortgage is still unaffordable see if you can speak to your provider about extending the term to reduce your payments.

Yellowlegobrick · 13/07/2023 09:18

You have time, don't panic.

Can you plan ahead, do you have any costs that may naturally reduce eg kids starting school & nursery bill dropping, kids moving to secondary & no longer needing childcare?

Can you consider your employment, is 3 part time jobs maximising your earning potential, or might you be better committing to one full time role with more scope for progression/promotion?

It can be harder to move up when working few hours and you can end up trapped on lower wages.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 13/07/2023 09:19

You’re catastrophising. If you didn’t overstretch yourselves to buy, and you’re currently making substantial overpayments, there is leeway for an increased mortgage. It may be tight for a while (no holidays, meals out etc), but on the face of it it doesn’t look like you’re in danger of losing your house.

We currently can’t afford to overpay a single penny as having a disabled child means I’ve had to drastically reduce my hours at work, but I’m not panicking (yet).