To feel suicidal about mortgage/interest rates

[mortgagequandary]

I am sorry if this post upsets anyone but my mind is constantly occupied with the fear of losing my house. [PART OF POST REMOVED BY MNHQ AS WE DON'T ALLOW MENTION OF SELF-HARM/ SUICIDE METHODS]

But I don't know where to turn and can't tell anyone in real life . I wake up every morning and feel hopeless. I am too scared to do anything but I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up

I am terrified of losing my home and not being able to provide suitable accommodation for my children. I have been here 13 years ago when I was evicted from a rental as a young single mum and the fear and shame about not being able to even provide a roof for your kids is awful. I was lucky enough to get a small council house which would not happen now, this made me able to save a deposit and 7 years ago we bought a tiny house. I then moved to a slightly bigger house in 2019 but it's just still modest 3 bed terrace - I was told I could borrow over 100k more but I stayed sensible

We don't have any kind of flashy life. We live paycheque to paycheque. Between me and H we have 5 jobs. I work about 40 hours in 3 pt jobs and he has a main job and an evening job. Since last year when rates started to rise I have used every spare penny I have making overpayments. I have now paid about £5500 but still got 103k owed so feels pointless and not enough as I don't think will make any difference to what my new payments will be

I have a year left now til my fixed ends. and I feel like that will be it then, I won't get to keep my house

I am worth more dead to my family because if I died my mortgage would be paid off and then my husband and kids would always have a home .

I think they are going to offer more help this time , perhaps by extending the loan . When I was young and we had the 15% senario a lot of people that lost their homes had additional loans secured on their house for double glazing kitchens etc , along with a 100% mortgage . I would stop over paying at the moment and save so you have an emergency fund .

Seek some help for your mental health first and foremost. You are categorically worth more to your DH and children alive.

then seek some financial guidance sooner, so you have time to plan for when your fixed rate is up. it is scary but get ahead of it. And this will be temporary, interest rates will come down again, it’s going to be case of planning and gritting your teeth for period.

How many years do you have left on your mortgage? It sounds like you would possibly have the option of extending the mortgage by 5-8 years to lower payments that way?

Just to echo the advice already given. The key here is to talk to your mortgage lender in good time before your fix ends. Please don't panic. Banks will look at a range of ways to try and keep you in the house - including extending your mortgage term if necessary.

Lots of great advice but i want to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. It is scary, and rotten, and horrible. But as pp have said, there are ways out. So deep breaths, you can do this x

THIS. Stop overpaying now and stick it in a savings account so it can earn interest.

And maybe avoid the news (and MN) on this topic for a while. Yes, increasing interest rates are scary. But there will be a way to navigate them.

You are worth so much to your family. It sounds like you have fought hard battles for them before - you can absolutely do it again, and it probably won’t be nearly as hard as you’re thinking.

Can you extend the term? Only temporarily while the rates are high, gives you some breathing space until rates calm down a bit. That’s what our plan is anyway when we come to the end of our fix.

Why can't you tell anyone in real life? There is no shame in being in the position you find yourself, and even if it was down to some sort of reckless life you can still talk to someone in real life - that's what friends are for.

Try not to panic. We just remortgaged for 120k and it's an extra £200pm. Write down everything and plan where that's coming from. We could've lowered that new payment to pretty much what we pay now by extending the term, so that's an option?

Hi there @mortgagequandary,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling so low right now and our hearts to go out to you.

We’re also very sorry to say we don’t allow threads mentioning methods of self harm and suicide on Mumsnet, so we're going to remove this now in the hope that you can perhaps start a new thread, with amended wording, along with seeking some real life help.

Please contact the Samaritans, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, if you are really struggling it's really a good idea to seek real-life support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

OP,don't be despondent. It's surely it's not the end. There are options.
Life is more than houses and possessions.
I know from experience how you feel now, in deep dark hole but look up and you'll see the bright blue sky.
PM me if you wish.

Life is to be enjoyed!

Firstly, you need to speak to your gp.

Then you look at how much will it actually come up so you know what to expectand see if you need to remortgage either to different company with cheaper rate or maybe extend few years.

I think the worrying about the mortgage payment is a symptom of your deteriorating mental health rather than you needing a mortgage solution or the best fixed rate.

My DH has always been a laid back guy and all of a sudden last year he became obsessed with the COL/inflation. He went from never watching the news to watching it the entire time he was awake and price matching butter every day. He then began experiencing panic attacks and dealing with severe debilitating anxiety. He wasn't suicidal as in making plans but there were many times he felt like it would be easier to not be here than live with thr ongoing stresses and how expensive life was going to be. After therapy and medication anxiety is still a bit part of our life but he no longer has panic attacks or obsesses with COL.

In fact when it came to our mortgage increase this year he was able to process it incredibly reasonably. Ours is double yours and only went up £130 because an excellent broker. There are SO many options for you, your mortgage is such a reasonable amount there will be a way to keep your home (especially with all the amount you have managed to save towards overpayments in such a short space of time).

Please speak to your GP this morning about your thoughts about ending your life. A life insurance payout is not what your children need, they need their mum.

Stop overpaying now if it's cash flow that's the problem.

Put the money you would have overpaid by into an easy access 5% account, and use it when your fixed term comes to an end.

So say you're overpaying by £400 now and you've got 11 months to go on your fix? Over the next 11 months you can shove £4.4k in the bank and get some interest too.

Assuming that your worst case scenario is that your mortgage goes up by £500?

£400x11 = £4400.

Well the £400 extra that you're already overpaying can go towards that, and then you nibble a little bit off the top from your savings account for the shortfall. At that rate you need £100 a month so you've got 44 months for the markets to sort their shit out.

It's not how much debt you have but how well it's structured. By overpaying you're doing a good thing long term but I wonder if it backs to in into a corner in terms of flexibility in the short term?

There's a really good Reddit UK personal finance group, and the Mortgage Free wannabes on Martin Lewis' forum is good too.

Once you get a contingency plan in place then hopefully you'll feel a bit more in control. I don't think a small, £100k mortgage is worth killing yourself over though.

I think you need to discuss the suicidal thoughts with the doctor urgently. Getting them dealt with will help you to think more clearly about a way forward with the finances.
I agree with those say surely the overpayments can stop. You can start again when rates improve but in the meantime you will be more comfortable.
Also, think about whether you can find one full-time job rather than three part-time.
I can’t help noticing that you mention DH but you talk about “I” rather than “we” paying the mortgage; Is it time for a discussion about how you divide up who pays what?
Please seek help from health services.

It's hard to think if you are feeling anxious, overwhelmed and scared. You need to go easier on yourself. Get all your figures down in black and white, make sure they are accurate and averaged out for fuel etc which would be lower right now.

The overpayments you have been making will have made a difference to how much interest you pay over the term so try not to look at just your payment amount. Use the MSE calculator to see how much you've shaved off over the term and how many years.

If you were a young single mum 13 years ago then I think you are actually still young and not in the position where you wouldn't be able to extend your mortgage term due to age?

You've reached a good place with your mortgage, you both work hard give yourselves some credit for that.

Yy to pps saying 100k wl not increase as much as newspaper numbers. These are often based on way higher mortgages for good headlines.
Mine is bit less than yours and increase will be small

First of all, you are worth more to your family than any money on this earth. That is a fact. If you put YOU on one side of a weighing scales, no amount of money on the other side could balance out an actual human life. You cannot allow yourself to sink into that pit of thinking.
Secondly, insurance companies only pay out in very limiting circumstances so it’s not like a big load of money would just be handed to your family if anything was to happen to you, especially if it was in any way suspicious.
and think about it, even if you had a mansion given to you, and one of your family was missing, it would be no good. The house is worth nothing to your family without YOU in it!!!

Thirdly and I wanted to put this first as it is the very first thing you should do: Stop making overpayments right now and save the money.

i know you are stressed out of your head, I have been where you are and one day a mad thought came into my head, what if it did happen? I went to that thought and realised, you know what, it actually is not the end of the world! I would probably have a horrible time for a while, but I wouldn’t end up on the street.

You have been through this before so that is why you are so scared, you are still traumatised by what happened before, but think about it, you survived it before. You did!! And now you have years more experience behind you.

please listen to the helpful replies here and start looking ahead and enjoying your life. Right now you are ok. That’s all you have and that’s all anyone has. Now.

Without figures we cannot assess whether this is unnecessary panic or a legitimate concern

We have 17 years

However H is 52 and I'm 44 so I can't see them extending it

We currently owe about £103000

House was last valued at £250000 but I would imagine it's prob less now

Thanks for all the replies I'm trying to read through them and reply but at work now x 💐

This. You’re catastrophising: It feels worse than it is because of your mental state at the moment and your past. I’m sorry you feel so awful, please make an appointment with your GP or self refer to your local talking therapies or call a helpline.

Watch the Martin Lewis special on mortgages which was on ITV this week .loads of good information and where to seek advice.
If you have managed to save ,overpay you will be able to absorb an increase
Also maybe go and see your GP and get some help with your anxiety.
Hope this all helps

If you’re overpaying by £400 / £500 a month you are in a much better position than you currently feel

Stop doing this. That the media have created this reaction isn’t useful for you.

Save instead and plan. The rise on your amount will be lower than headlines. Plus there are other options, extension for example.

Your mortgage is very small compared to some. Even with the high rates you will be fine if both of you are working.

if your managing to overpay now then surely you’ll be able to pay any increases on your mortgage?

I think you are over thinking this OP get yourself to your GP for some help with your mental health