Shamelessly posting again as I only got a couple of replies on the other thread and I just desperately need someone to talk to.
I have so much to deal with. I'm already dealing with so much.
Cancer (me diagnosed) money problems racking up in front of our eyes as my job is now very part time due to this. Not entitled to any benefits as DH earns too much. Recently took a guy to court who seriously sexually assaulted me but lost the case due to lack of evidence. Can't prove that I didn't give him consent. My dignity is through the floor. I worked so hard all my life since I was 16, but now we're in desperate need of help, we get nothing.
I'm ashamed to say, I took bread and some tins from LIDL yesterday as I couldn't pay for them. Had £5 and bought some basics but didn't put everything on the till and hid some bits in my bags so didn't pay for all of my shopping. Felt like the scum of the earth.
I've let my daughter down.
DH is working himself to the bone to try and keep us going but now behind now on bills with no way out and it's snowballing.
Every nice thing I own is on Vinted.
Pawned my wedding and engagement rings.
Already on max dose of mirtazapine.
Please don't think this post is for money. That's not the point of this post. I just need someone to talk to.
I was told I couldn't have children without IVF (which is how we got DD) but I fell pregnant recently naturally and we lost the baby at 7 weeks. I couldnt afford to feed another child anyway. Just another person to let down.
I'm so done with being in pain. With long hospital visits. With my little girl seeing paramedics work on her mum on the kitchen floor. I'm fed up with the shell of myself looking back at me in the mirror.
Our tax free childcare stopped last month because now I'm not earning the threshold. Any last bit of help is taken away from us. So now I can't afford for my daughter to go to her childcare, where she absolutely loves. The only bit of stability she's had whilst I've been in hospital.
Just a few years ago we were financially okay, my health was somewhat stable enough for me to have a bit of life back and have a baby. Now it's gone to shit again tenfold.
I'm working doing what I can but my work is so part time it's not even worth calling it work. I'm a financial advisor and I'm trying to advise people on their finances whilst mine are falling apart. Self employed but it's failing.
It's astounding what a change in health can do to you. What it can take away. So far it's taken my house, my daughters child care, I've had to sell my car I worked years for to buy, my precious jewellery, my friends and probably my business too along with what's left of my marriage.
I'm done with this life. I'm in my early 30s and I'm scarily suicidal.