I can’t see a way out of my misery but I feel forced to end my life

[Stillwearingskinnys]

Things are very bad.

I have been so unhappy for so many years.

On paper I sound a success, great job, ‘d’p, 3 lovely kids, nice house.

But I am so dreadfully dreadfully lonely and feel so unloved.

The lies, gaslighting, debt caused from my soul mate of 15 years has finally broken me.

I don’t see a future for me, put off ending it for my kids and mums sake. Now I don’t seem to care.

I can’t take another day of being stuck in the house wfh, never seeing anyone but kids and p, day in day out.

I spend my days thinking about ways of ending it all.

I look dreadful. I have only met a couple of friends a couple of times since before covid.

I feel absolutely hopeless.

Dont know why I am even posting. Suppose I just needed someone out there to hear me.

Darling, I lost my home of 10 years. It broke my heart. I thought that was the end of me.

Still here, in a more beautiful house.

New beginnings can and do happen

You need to seek professional guidance to see you through. It is there.

No one will be calling SS let alone your GP when you ask for help

How's things this morning OP?

I hope today is a bit easier for you. Any chance you could explore one thing that would help make your future life better? A docs appt, or set up a secret savings account that you could use to build up an 'escape fund'? A phone call with a friend. A plan for a walk to find some bluebells at the weekend? One thing that is a positive step for you and your DC.

Keep talking to us @Stillwearingskinnys

Morning @Stillwearingskinnys

Thinking of you this morning. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

I am so sorry you are having such an awful time. The only advice I can give is to break down what you need to take to change things into very small manageable steps. At the moment it will feel like climbing a mountain. You need help from your gp, if they advise antidepressants take them. You need some talking therapy, does your work have an employee scheme that offers counseling? You need to get to a calmer place where you can see what needs to be done before you can change anything. When you have anxiety under control you will be able to SEE that a different situation, home etc, is preferable to this. I have a family member who was miserable for years with a dh in debt, they finally moved, divorced and life is infinitely better. Good luck

Another here to say wishing you well OP.

How are you today OP?

@Stillwearingskinnys
Hi, I wanted to give an update.

Apologies I have not posted. I just went off radar with everyone, not looked at mn or news. Just been living in silence for a couple of days.

Still very down but not feeling quite as hopeless every second of the day, so I can see that is positive.

I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for getting me through the other night. I don’t know any of you in rl but it is obvious to me how kind and caring you all are to help a stranger in need. Your words did make a huge difference and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Thanks again for taking the time out of your busy day to help me xxx.

That's amazing that your feeling slightly better.

Op many of us have all been there and I promise you life is full of ups and downs and you can do this!

It's time for you to put yourself first and practice some self care

Get YouTube on and do 5 mins of yoga and gradually build that up

Go to the shop/ order online new pjs and bed sheets and pillow covers maybe even a nice throw

Also get some lavender room spray

Paint your nails

Get a nice body mosituriser

And some nice face masks and bath/ shower soap/gel

Could you manage just a quick walk and build that up over the next few weeks

Order you all a takeaway tonight you deserve it

Look on you tube about breathing techniques

And drink loads and loads of water going forward

Like I said put yourself first. You can do it

Hugs hugs hugs you’ve made a huge step be very proud of that’s seven months ago my life was in ruins I wished I was dead. Today through me changing things I’m happier now than I have ever been for yesterday I got the best news of all. Yes I have a debt to pay but no police no court case and best of all I can get rid of the last of the photos as evidence. Please take care of yourself hugs. Get as much help as you can and take it day by day at this stage.

I'm so pleased for you OP - it's little steps!

You need to slowly get yourself into a stronger emotional and mental position and then slowly start to take control of and change the things that are making you unhappy. I think writing down a plan, however simplistic, would help serve as a goal for you.

Like others have said, and some from experience, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and many people only really, really appreciate the light once they've been on the opposite side of it.

Your first step is reaching out - to the resources listed on here and anyone close to you who could help.

You can do this.

@Stillwearingskinnys I'm so happy you're feeling a little better. I've been wondering how you're getting on.

Things will keep getting brighter, and remember it's not selfish to put yourself first sometimes! X