Sudden severe anxiety / depression after a long time. Devastated

[kizziee]

I have had many usernames since but years ago I used to be Kizzie.
Initially had PND then withdrawal problems. Had recurrences in 2004/06 and 10 - each time when I had reduced dose.

In 2010 it took me a long time to get well again. I was on 75mg clomipramine but eventually improved on 50mg and after some time dropped to 25mg and stayed very well for the following 8 yrs before dropping to 17mg in 2020.

During that time dealt with a very busy job / home life / some challenging wider family health issues and all fine.

A few weeks ago I wasn't feeling 100% physically (nothing serious and no different to loads of things I've had over the last few years) and at the same time I also needed to increase my blood pressure medication which gave me some side effects at first.

Then out of the blue I started getting panic again which has now developed into depression and constant anxiety. (I'm not actually anxious about anything other than how I'm feeling. It's a 'physical' feeling.)

I don't understand how this could happen so quickly when I've been so well. I went back up to 25mg a week ago but there hasn't been any improvement. GP has suggested going back to 50mg slowly over a few days.

I'm terrified that I won't get well again. Other than the original PND the other episodes were all because I had dropped to 0 or very low on medication.

I am two years past menopause. Mentally had coped well with peri. (I have been advised not to take hrt because reacted badly to the pill and then the PND. I would be too nervous to throw anything else into the mix at the moment anyway.)

Finding it very difficult to do anything - and just don't recognise myself from a few weeks ago.

I guess I'm just asking for a hand hold. That even if this medication doesn't work something will. I keep trying to work out what happened.

Bump

Handhold from me.... Things sound really difficult for you at the moment. I would hope that just as you pulled through your previous episodes, you will pull through this one! But that's very difficult to see when you're in the middle of it. Sending lots of strength.

Thank you @Littlefidget2 yes that's exactly where i am

Hi OP, so sorry this is happening.

Have you had Covid recently? I have had horrendous anxiety since covid a few months ago after years of being fine. It's a very physical thing and comes in waves.

You will feel better xx

Is it a definite that you can’t try HRT? I only say this as a family member developed horrendous anxiety at the onset of menopause and she said HRT was like someone flicking a switch for her. It reduced the anxiety almost instantly.

@Randomuser9876 no covid recently (last had it a year ago and had been fine in between.)
Thank you for positive message because I'm unsung it very hard to believe at the moment

@PoppityBoo I'm so glad she found something to help.
Yes thats the advice for me at the moment and to be honest I haven't challenged because I'm terrified of hormones being added into the mix at the moment when everything so difficult.

Ironically I managed ok mentally through peri.

@PoppityBoo sorry - was that at the start of peri or after periods stopped. Thank you

When you're in it it feels like it'll never get better but it definitely will.

The physical symptoms are terrible and really scary.

If these meds don't work you'll find a way through as you have in the past... have you seen the gp? Has anything in your life changed? Stress etc?

Yes I've seen GP @Randomuser9876 - has said to increase dose.
Nothing has happened other than not feeling great physically for a couple of weeks and also increasing the blood pressure tablets. (The initial side effects of that had made me feel a bit a bit off kilter so don't know if that triggered something.)
Work had been very busy but no different to any other time over the last few years and id been fine with it.
I'm taking some time off now as symptoms just unmanageable. I haven't had a day off sick in many years so it really takes a lot for me to do that.

We have a family celebration today which normally I would love but I'm just not able to go.

Anxiety very high and I just feel so cut off. Not able to engage in any things that I normally do.
I'm so sorry for my family.

Things are so difficult. Anxiety and depression overwhelming. The GP has given me some diazepam - not sure if should take it.
This is the worst episode I've had. Makes no sense when I was ok a few short weeks ago.

Take the Valium, just to get a break from this feeling, yo must be exhausted. It sounds to me like the BP medication dose change could have triggered this - have you checked the listed side effects?

It will get better - I promise. My recommendations after having been through it recently (happy to report it got better for me, as it will for you):

• Try the medication - it may help during these more acute episodes.
• Get yourself a copy of David Burns' Feeling Good or Feeling Great books, and do a CBT exercise every day
• Try emotional release tapping (10 minutes every day ) - sounds flaky but it's helpful. Look it up on youtube (Jessica Ortner is good to show you how)
• Exercise every day - walks outdoors if possible. You won't feel like going but you'll feel slightly better after, and even slightly better is worth it.

Surely this is related to the blood pressure tablets?

The GP cannot possibly know because there has probably been no medical trial on this!!

urgghh it bugs me when they give you the brush off

Its like when you try a different brand and they definitely react differently (ssris) and they act as if your mad for asking the question

can I ask did you get a different brand of tablet? If so always check that you can get the brand that suits you best

I suffered from anxiety for a very long time, all my life really now I look back at it. I had very severe depression a few years ago and a few years of antidepressants sorted both (like the anxiety faded enough on AD that I was able to work on my confidence and self esteem so I am no longer an anxious person). I always have the thought in the back of my mind of 'what if it comes back'? I never want depression like that again.

I had a few stressful years where I coped but when the stressors started to go away that is when I crashed. It was like because I didn't have to be holding everything together my mind and body just gave up. OP, you said you've been under some stress, could something similar have happened?

I know that I will go back on the AD, even with the side effects. The diazepam will give you a bit of a break from the anxiety.

Thank you so much everyone for replying.
Re the blood pressure tablets - I spoke to a very helpful pharmacist who said that because I had already been on a lower dose of the same medication for a number of years it was unlikely to have any significant ongoing impact on my mental health (same brand) but that initial side effects may have mimicked panic so that even though I didn't feel anxious it all built up.
It's so frightening to think everything so finely balanced.
Definitely a warning for me for the future.

I think I will need to try the diazepam.

@Quitelikeit I completely agree with you re different brands of ADs. I definitely get affected.
I actually changed chemist a few years ago because the one I was using used to get different brands all the time. The one I use now seems to always get the same brand.

@Blarn there could definitely be something in what you say for me too. What AD did you find helpful in the end ?

I took Fluoxetine and was on the middle or highest dose for most of the time. I had side effects all the way through (sweating, those odd electric shock feelings in my arms and weight gain) but they worked. I had tried Sertaline and Citalopram in the past which I didn't get on with at all. I didn't word it well in my post - if ever I do feel the depression return I will absolutely take the Fluoxetine again if it hasn't gone after a few weeks. I know they work for mea and view them now the same way I do hayfever tablets. It is a medicine I sometimes need. I think finding ADs which suit you can be a challenge though and the initial side effects very challenging to push through.

Hi @kizziee ,
this sounds really difficult. How are you feeling now? To manage panic I find Claire Weekes's work very helpful - she has videos and books. Check her out.

You had asked me about magnesium tablets on a different thread but I lost your post (there are so many messages there now!)

I take magnesium citrate and find it helpful. I take the H&B brand because they are there but other brands may be just as helpful. If you have stomach issues you may want to try magnesium glycinate. Definitely avoid magnesium oxide - it is the most common and cheap one but it is a laxative. I tried magnesium threonate and it made me feel weird. I find magnesium calming almost immediately.

Are you lowering your dose on the AD? Have you changed ADs? If so that could be causing your symptoms as well. Go to Surviving Antidepressants when you next decide to taper - they have lots of resources on avoiding and managing withdrawal symptoms and the best way to taper if you want to.

Hope you are feeling better!
Melina

PS. Definitely try Claire Weekes

@melinab thank you for the message and the info on magnesium.
Things still difficult and still off work.
I'm going to give this medication another two weeks but if still struggling will need to switch I think.
I'm very nervous about doing that because I'm so sensitive to medications so keeping everything crossed that can avoid it but will see.
Thanks again.

Sorry @Blarn I missed your reply a few weeks ago. It's interesting how we all respond differently to the ADs. I have a friend who has used fluoxetine a few times and finds it really helpful whereas for me it increased my anxiety.

@kizziee on the withdrawal boards I have found that people who have had withdrawal symptoms before may react strongly to new psychotropics. Hope that you feel better soon! Have you ever tried this course? https://palousemindfulness.com/ - it is supposed to work as well as ADs.

@Blarn how long did you take the Fluox for?