I don't want to go for a fucking walk...

[Meltinthemiddle]

because I have no motivation to get dressed or to see people and put on a fake smile and make polite conversation with strangers about the weather or even worse I don't want to bump into someone I know when I look and feel like shit and will mean using even more energy I don't have to pretend I am ok. Why is it people always suggest go for a walk as it will make you feel better, like this is the answer to everything. I am so tired of the pressures of life and pretending and trying to follow society's expectations of what makes a perfect family life. I feel like we are all sheep and being herded to one thing on to another normally involving huge expense and stres.
I've just broke down with DH after burning the waffles and he asked me what was wrong I told him I'm struggling (I'm peri and on HRT) but no asking why or what is making me feel like that. His response 'let's go for a walk?' But the reality is I don't want to because what's the point of walking somewhere or getting an over priced coffee that I don't want after waiting in a massive queue. Why do we all do things because that's what we do at Easter, go for family walks and have the perfect roast dinner (which I've forgotten most of and shops now closed) and eat chocolate watching films. But why? It doesn't make me happy it's just what we are supposed to do but when I stop and think about it I realise it doesn't actually bring me joy or at least it doesn't any more. So now DH has gone off in a mood to walk the dog again leaving me feel worse. I don't know what I want or what I was expecting but sometimes I just think what's the point.

This is a podcast I started listening to ages ago, it has really nade me look at things differently. There was an episode about this sort of thing - how when we're given advice, whole the action suggested may actually help, being told to do it makes you not want to do it! Also the issue of what to wear and seeing people etc. Anyway, it may help to listen to some episodes (or all if you like) https://open.spotify.com/show/7Mg0Jknc5JpjuMpcwU0D77?si=t-y7GoP5QvyTjkRXJDOpAg

You could be depressed. Just because you are on HRT, that won't address the core problem, IF the core problem is that you need AD's. Talk to your Gp at least.

Exercise can sometimes strengthen whatever mood you're in. Some yoga practitioners actually ask about this before starting a session because it can bring up difficult emotions.
Going for a walk usually helps me, but it's true that I sometimes feel worse, for example brisk walking when I'm angry makes me angrier!
I also live in a city so never bump into anybody. Could you walk somewhere fewer people know you OP?

As for the walk I was just annoyed that DH got in a mood when I refused his suggestion, I physically and mentally wasn't up for it… He just seems to be in a mood and taking things personally, also making me feel bad and lazy for having time to myself. I just want everyone to leave me alone

your dh probably finds going for a walk is good for his mental health. And it might make him feel like he can face your issues a little bit easier. Regularly dealing with someone who has depression / anxiety is incredibly draining. He needs methods to encourage positive mental health as much as you do as he is living with it too.

how was the rest of the easter weekend?

Thank you for the replies. I am not normally someone who suffers with depression it's only got worse these last few weeks. It was the anxiety that was an issue before. I have been more productive last few days but I just feel so flat. We went for lunch today and I didn't get any enjoyment out of it. That's the thing I am just not enjoying anything. I also feel constantly cold and tired which is impacting my mood and motivation to do anything.

It's like I've lost the ability to laugh or smile. It's horrible.

Thanks for deleting my comment MNHQ, never thought I'd say that, but this OP needs a hug and not the other one.

Hey Meltie one, it's ok to feel empty and lost but don't get too comfortable there because, like hate, if you let it make a home in your heart you're absolutely screwed. Like really. Don't know how old you are but the scene in Neverending Story when Artax the horse gives in to the swamps of sadness is in my opinion way worse than the often quoted Bambi, lion king etc scenes of loss because those scenes were out of the characters control whereas the swamp was something that could be defeated. Just saying.

Have you done a vita minds self referral Op?

A few years ago I read a similar thread on here and a reply on there really resonated with me. A poster said "self care is about what you need on a particular day. Yesterday I walked my dog for miles because I needed the fresh air. Today my self care is eating a sausage sandwich in my pjs and watching something scary on Netflix"

A walk can do wonders for your MH, if you do it at he right time. But actually sometimes, not seeing people is the right thing, seeing the dr may be what you need. There isn't a one size fits all way of dealing with things.

I really hope you feel better soon OP. Don't be scared to go to the dr and tweak the HRT dosage if things don't improve soon. I'm pretty sure my dm took a few changes to get hers sorted.

Hey how are you feeling today @Meltinthemiddle
It definitely sounds like you need some support from your GP in whatever form you feel comfortable. It could be medication or speaking to someone from the mental health team openly about how you feel. You sound so despondent, big hugs from here. X

Thank you I am feeling a bit better today. I've made a list of things I need to do so not feeling overwhelmed. Gradually ticking things off. I have upped my hrt so will see how that goes. Also have booked myself a massage. My body and mind feels tired so hopping this well help.