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Original poster

I don't want to go for a fucking walk...

113 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 15:07

because I have no motivation to get dressed or to see people and put on a fake smile and make polite conversation with strangers about the weather or even worse I don't want to bump into someone I know when I look and feel like shit and will mean using even more energy I don't have to pretend I am ok. Why is it people always suggest go for a walk as it will make you feel better, like this is the answer to everything. I am so tired of the pressures of life and pretending and trying to follow society's expectations of what makes a perfect family life. I feel like we are all sheep and being herded to one thing on to another normally involving huge expense and stres.
I've just broke down with DH after burning the waffles and he asked me what was wrong I told him I'm struggling (I'm peri and on HRT) but no asking why or what is making me feel like that. His response 'let's go for a walk?' But the reality is I don't want to because what's the point of walking somewhere or getting an over priced coffee that I don't want after waiting in a massive queue. Why do we all do things because that's what we do at Easter, go for family walks and have the perfect roast dinner (which I've forgotten most of and shops now closed) and eat chocolate watching films. But why? It doesn't make me happy it's just what we are supposed to do but when I stop and think about it I realise it doesn't actually bring me joy or at least it doesn't any more. So now DH has gone off in a mood to walk the dog again leaving me feel worse. I don't know what I want or what I was expecting but sometimes I just think what's the point.

OP posts:
BabaBooPuffinsRock · 09/04/2023 15:48

I've been told this by MH professionals when feeling suicidal. It's so invalidating and dismissive. Some people just don't fucking get it. I know this isn't AIBU but YANBU OP. The same thing doesn't work for everyone.

Shekissedagirlandshelikedit · 09/04/2023 15:49

Walking can help though so it is good advice, should you wish to take it. I walk with earphones in even if I'm not listening to anything. I don't feel pressure to entertain others while I'm on a walk - that's one of the perks of being an invisible middle aged woman. If I can't walk just hanging the washing out or a bit of gardening helps.

People just mean well. It's OK to say No Thank You.

Easterfunbun · 09/04/2023 15:50

Hate how people always presume if it’s worked for them and it’s what the books say then that must be the answer for everyone when MH is so individualised. What about a nice bath? A scream into a pillow? Peace and quiet? I mean….. everyone’s different. I also hate how the first couple of responses will be “visit the GP” like they’re some sort of fucking miracle workers. Not everyone wants medication 💊. Nor is it the correct choice for all.

mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2023 15:51

I get you. There are things like going for a work or exercising which are helpful but I think they're only helpful when you're in a sort of borderline state. When you're deep in that hole, going for a fucking walk does not help a tiny bit. I second medication.

Peachy2005 · 09/04/2023 15:52

Is there anything else that you fancy doing?

I used to go for a drive up and then back down the motorway with Linkin Park blasting to make me feel better when the kids were small (obviously not when in charge of the kids)!

At the moment, I’d probably take myself off for coffee on my own and read my Kindle (or scroll MN) if I needed to give myself some headspace.

A walk definitely wouldn’t do it for me…what would you like to do?

Whycantyoulickmyfootmummy · 09/04/2023 15:53

I'm sorry your husband pushed you to do something you clearly said you didn't want to do. Even worse he then got in a mood. The hardest thing when you feel like this is that you need energy that you don't have to drag yourself out of the feeling. Feel your feels and follow your instinct. Your instinct might be a G&T, a doom scroll on social media or telling everyone to fuck off and then fuck off some more.
I hope you are able to do what you need to when you find what your 'do' is.
I'm an angry toddler who gets all stressed and angry with the world, becomes emotionally exhausted and falls asleep 😪

Catshaveiteasy · 09/04/2023 15:54

It's more about the exercise, seeing nature though, rather than who you might meet? A walk or any kind of exercise always makes me feel better but I prefer woods, parks or countryside to crowded streets.

But if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't. Sounds like your DH was trying to be helpful though?

caringcarer · 09/04/2023 15:54

What about a long bubble bath with candles and soft music in the background? Followed by a dose of Netflix escapism.

SpecialMangeTout · 09/04/2023 15:55

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 09/04/2023 15:36

Well fine, don’t go.

but you were miserable before and now you’re more miserable. If you’d gone for the walk you would be no more worse off than you are now and you might have been better off so, on balance, I think you would have been better going for the walk.

You realise that the OP has posted in Mental Health right?

And you think that your post is somehow supportive and adequate?
Have a heart and dig for empathy. It will help.

VeggieSalsa · 09/04/2023 15:55

When people say “go for a walk” to improve mental health I have never (until this thread) thought they meant literally open your door and aimlessly roam the streets.

Ive always assumed it meant go a bit further away from home and walk a route with a bit more purpose - as in, make it an activity.

I agree walking streets where I see people
and without any direction would be detrimental.

I usually drive / get the bus 10-15 minutes away to somewhere more open with fields/woods/water/nature and walk a pre determined route (eg lap of a field or park, walk a set amount of time then turn around). This way I can ignore everyone I see and look like I’ve dragged myself out of the house and not worry about judgement as I’m unlikely to see the people I meet ever again.

Doing it this way helps the walk feel like a task I’ve achieved, rather than an aimless foray whose only purpose is to improve my mood.

Unitedstatesofwhatever1 · 09/04/2023 15:58

I suffer with anxiety and I often hate going for walks, I live in a very busy place and I hate having to make my way through crowds of people. Hate the thought of potentially seeing people I know, so I do fully understand.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 15:58

SpecialMangeTout · 09/04/2023 15:32

I’m going to guess that would have helped is your DH making feel seen, like he cared about the why rather than proposing a walk.

Because the walk isn’t going to solve the fact you are feeling overwhelmed. It didn’t help you feel seen by your DH, like he cared. It’s more like a plaster to out on the top of the problem so you can ignore it a bit longer….

I think that was probably partly it and put so well. Like it was a band aid a temporary fix. I didn't want to cry in front of him or really talk. But to be asked would be nice. I have walked the dog every day this week alone, today I don't want to see anyone as my anxiety is high and mood low. And I'm just feeling tired and overwhelmed by the slightest thing. Burning the waffles just tipped me over the edge. Funny enough I feel better now he is gone, I've actually done the dishes, hoovered a bit. Maybe the expectation to even talk to him about general rubbish so we aren't walking the dog in awkward silence was also too much.

OP posts:
Whycantyoulickmyfootmummy · 09/04/2023 16:00

BabaBooPuffinsRock · 09/04/2023 15:48

I've been told this by MH professionals when feeling suicidal. It's so invalidating and dismissive. Some people just don't fucking get it. I know this isn't AIBU but YANBU OP. The same thing doesn't work for everyone.

It is so invalidating when they say this! I remember explaining how I'd planned stocked up etc to the doctor and they said this. I didn't engage with medical professionals for a long time after that as I was made to feel like a silly little girl who was just struggling with being woken in the night by a new baby. In truth, I hadn't slept in 3 days as I thought my baby was going to die if I didn't watch her constantly. But fuck me, a gentle stroll round the park in the sunshine was just what I needed 🤦🤦

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 16:01

Don't go a walk if you don't want to and it doesn't make you feel any better. But try and find something you do like doing.

MintJulia · 09/04/2023 16:01

Maybe your DH wanted to go for a walk in the fresh air, with you for company.

It's sunny and reasonably warm after weeks of rain. The birds are singing and the trees are coming into leaf, most gardens have some flowers out. It's not unreasonable. Exercise does tend to blow the cobwebs away and clear the mind for most people.

But if you feel that low, eat chocolate, have a long bath, read a book.....whatever helps. I hope you feel better soon.

Nowthatlovehasperished · 09/04/2023 16:04

If you can grit your teeth and force yourself you will feel better for going out.
It won't fix everything, but it will help a tiny bit. You definitely won't feel worse.

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 16:04

im the same op and i have depression-no walking doesnt make me feel better or exercise its just aggravating and makes me irritable

mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2023 16:04

I think some people are also underestimating how difficult it is to do anything at all when you're depressed. Sometimes getting out of bed, going to the loo, brushing your hair is too much. Let alone having to leaving the house.

Skybluepinky · 09/04/2023 16:04

Make an appointment to see yr gp, sounds like u need a change of medication.

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 16:06

Avoid unwanted engagement with other people by walking after dark or in the very early morning.

Wear headphones, listen to music .

Even if you don't enjoy the walk, it will lift your mood afterwards. The fresh air and excercise improve circulation , increase blood flow and oxygen to the brain, which releases endorphins, neurotransmitters that boost mental health and mood.

RenoDakota · 09/04/2023 16:07

I hear you, OP. Just choose your own form of self care. Doing nothing when you are overwhelmed is self care (my favourite type).
All the best to you.

OneStepOneStumble · 09/04/2023 16:07

Seconding all the PPs saying it doesn't work for everyone. Nothing makes me madder or in a worse mood than wandering aimlessly about, be that in the local area or further afield in the countryside. I don't want your silly walk. It's never made me feel better no matter what the books or doctors say.

Do whatever would help you OP. For me, a long hot shower with loud music does me the world of good.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 16:08

I think the fact it's Easter Sunday and busy and everyone is playing happy families is probably making me want to hid away little. My in-laws come around this morning and it took alot for me to even say hello after initially hiding upstairs. When my mum come around yesterday, and I could feel tears welling up just talking. It's hard trying to pretend and the last couple of days have really been hard.for whatever reason.

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 09/04/2023 16:10

It's society expection that's far too much to cope with ....

I am thinking listening to good music can help you feel better,

Watching a good movie 🎬 you like

StillWantingADog · 09/04/2023 16:11

Sorry OP you’re having a rubbish day. I often feel like you do.

Putting the whole walk idea to one side I do feel enormously better when I’ve had some exercise. Is that an option? I run and rarely bump into anyone I know thankfully. Or if I do I do a very quick wave and just keep running.