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Original poster

I don't want to go for a fucking walk...

113 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 15:07

because I have no motivation to get dressed or to see people and put on a fake smile and make polite conversation with strangers about the weather or even worse I don't want to bump into someone I know when I look and feel like shit and will mean using even more energy I don't have to pretend I am ok. Why is it people always suggest go for a walk as it will make you feel better, like this is the answer to everything. I am so tired of the pressures of life and pretending and trying to follow society's expectations of what makes a perfect family life. I feel like we are all sheep and being herded to one thing on to another normally involving huge expense and stres.
I've just broke down with DH after burning the waffles and he asked me what was wrong I told him I'm struggling (I'm peri and on HRT) but no asking why or what is making me feel like that. His response 'let's go for a walk?' But the reality is I don't want to because what's the point of walking somewhere or getting an over priced coffee that I don't want after waiting in a massive queue. Why do we all do things because that's what we do at Easter, go for family walks and have the perfect roast dinner (which I've forgotten most of and shops now closed) and eat chocolate watching films. But why? It doesn't make me happy it's just what we are supposed to do but when I stop and think about it I realise it doesn't actually bring me joy or at least it doesn't any more. So now DH has gone off in a mood to walk the dog again leaving me feel worse. I don't know what I want or what I was expecting but sometimes I just think what's the point.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 09/04/2023 16:13

It is just so damn hard when your mental health just slams headlong into the wall. No advice. Just hugs and total understanding. Can you just lay on the sofa with a throw and some headphones and tell the people you love to kindly fuck off, with love and gratitude, and let you just be on the sofa (in peace!) for several hours?

WonderingWanda · 09/04/2023 16:16

There is nothing more annoying than someone else telling you what you should be doing. Although I'm sure your dh's suggestion came from good intentions. What do you fancy doing right now op?

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 16:22

I've just done a bit of tidying and now sat on the sofa eating chocolate. No pressure or expectation to talk.

OP posts:
oreo2020 · 09/04/2023 16:24

I'm less keen on walking, but when I feel low, I go cycling. Sometimes have to force myself to. It helps. It does enhance my moods as a result. Not saying OP you should go for a walk, but any physical outdoor activity would do. Perhaps little gardening?

Xrays · 09/04/2023 16:25

I don’t think you should go on a walk if you don’t want to but your idea of a walk is very different to mine if you’re ending up queuing for a coffee and having to chat to people. I walk for my mental health, it’s proven to boost your serotonin levels and if you’re feeling anxious it can physically lift you out of that but I just put my headphones in and walk as fast as I can outside for an hour or so, listening to whatever music I like. I don’t see anyone, talk to anyone. It’s like I’m completely in my own little world. And I do feel better for it and my physical health is better for it which in turn helps mental health (I’m disabled by the way and have chronic autoimmune issues so walking isn’t easy for me but I push through with it, I can’t run or do any other form of exercise).

What makes you feel better? What makes you feel calm / content?

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 16:26

I've been told this by MH professionals when feeling suicidal. It's so invalidating and dismissive.

The opposite of invalidating and dismissive.
It doesn't deny their distress or minimise the problems they face.

By offering the person something they can do by themselves, for themselves, it's recognising their agency and autonomy.

Windingdown · 09/04/2023 16:27

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time OP.

My husband suffered with severe anxiety and panic attacks. When things were bad I often suggested we go for a walk, not for the walk's sake but because, when things were tough for him, we both found it easier to talk about problems and difficult issues when we weren't sitting opposite each other in the house. Something about the distraction of being out freed us up. It was hard to know what to do for the best for him and it was my attempt to help him.

I'm glad some time alone has worked for you.

Easterfunbun · 09/04/2023 16:38

@2bazookas

Not always. It’s just something they say to dismiss you half the time. You can ring the crisis team whilst in a psychotic state and get told things like have a bath. There’s recognising agency and autonomy and then there’s neglectful services.

custardbear · 09/04/2023 16:45

I hate walking - with a passion! Also peri and feel like shite, I often bung on my big sunglasses and shove my hair up - I don't care what people think of me.

Shutupyoutart · 09/04/2023 16:50

Oh op your post resonated with me more than you could possibly know. I get it, I really do. yesterday I made myself take the kids out we went on an egg hunt met the Easter bunny went for ice cream and to the park it took so much out of me mentally and emotionally to do that. I couldn't do it again today so we are having an inside day watching movies and eating chocolate,(it's raining here so I don't feel too guilty) try not to put pressure on yourself to do too much, your right that occasions like Easter etc increases the pressure that we put on ourselves to do something! And I think people suggest walks as it is proven to help to be out in nature and walking is therapeutic for some people, but alot of the time people suggest it cos they honestly don't know what to say! Well done for opening up to your husband things will never get better if we always feel we have to be pretend OK, without wanting to sound like a cliche it's OK not to be OK. Have you been to see your gp? Would you consider anti depressants it can be a real game changer. Wishing you strength and love go easy on yourself xx

aSofaNearYou · 09/04/2023 16:53

Lockdown totally ruined walks for me. They always get suggested and I just find the prospect so boring after months of it being the only thing I could do.

In all seriousness though OP you sound depressed and like you need a bit of a life change. If you feel like you don't actually like any of the things you do, why not have a real think about what you do like?

EasterEggBunny · 09/04/2023 16:56

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Cakemonger · 09/04/2023 17:00

People suggesting things is so often not what we need when we feel low. I agree bank holidays or any time it feels like everyone else is enjoying themselves can make things feel so much worse. I hope you feel better Flowers

Nottodayicant · 09/04/2023 17:01

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 16:26

I've been told this by MH professionals when feeling suicidal. It's so invalidating and dismissive.

The opposite of invalidating and dismissive.
It doesn't deny their distress or minimise the problems they face.

By offering the person something they can do by themselves, for themselves, it's recognising their agency and autonomy.

It's dismissive.

Have you tried going for a walk? getting some fresh air? Have you tried exercise?

"Yes I have, it does not work for me. In fact it makes me feel worse. I don't like walking when I am well and I LOATHE it when I am ill. It is not something I can do by myself for myself because it makes me fee worse".

"Ohh but you should try get out. I always feel better after a brisk walk!

" I don't feel better, I have tried it and it makes me even more anxious than I was before I started"

" Can you not find a country lane with no people around?"

"Sigh.....

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 17:02

Thank you for all your kind replies. I don't actually really enjoy anything at the moment which is half the problem to why I'm feeling so rubbish 😔 I just feel like I'm going around in the endless cycle of life.

OP posts:
Nottodayicant · 09/04/2023 17:03

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What an utterly nasty response. Obviously from someone who has never suffered with severe depression or anxiety.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 17:08

Op doesnt like walking. So what is the point of suggesting it. None. I am sick of the walking and fresh air solves everything brigade. It doesn't.

YouaDontEvenknowMe · 09/04/2023 17:08

I totally agree op. When I feel antisocial all I want to to do is hide under the duvet and watch netflix, until I feel better!

Morningcoffeeview · 09/04/2023 17:09

I’m really sorry you’re struggling OP. Walking and movement help lots of people so I suspect he suggested it with good intentions. If it’s not helpful to you that’s absolutely fine too.

When you’re feeling a bit calmer it might be worth speaking with your OH and letting him know how you’d like him to help you when he senses you’re not feeling your best.

Flev · 09/04/2023 17:10

It sounds like quiet space was more what you needed if you've felt better since DH went out - are there any other ways you could get that, or things that require relatively little effort? Nature does often help people, so do you have a garden you could take a chair out into (along with your chocolate)?

I hope the walk has helped DH and he's able to be more sensitive to your needs when he gets back.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 09/04/2023 17:15

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I didn't rant at DH at his suggestion. But when he kept suggesting it and I said I didn't want to interact with anyone he actually stormed out. It's not personal it's just how I feel. I live in a small place most people on Easter Sunday will be going to the same places especially if dog friendly, so bound to see people plus DH is chatty so will bring attention to us. I have done plenty of walks this week, alone when quieter. Today I do not want to walk or interact. The waffles just tipped me over the edge, I have been feeling pretty shit the last few weeks but yesterday and today have been the worse and just more overwhelming.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 09/04/2023 17:15

SpecialMangeTout · 09/04/2023 15:32

I’m going to guess that would have helped is your DH making feel seen, like he cared about the why rather than proposing a walk.

Because the walk isn’t going to solve the fact you are feeling overwhelmed. It didn’t help you feel seen by your DH, like he cared. It’s more like a plaster to out on the top of the problem so you can ignore it a bit longer….

Don't be ridiculous. She said she was struggling, he made a perfectly sensible suggestion.

She might not have felt like it but I bet OP would have felt at least calmer once she had gotten out in the fresh air and sunshine. Exercise and nature are proven to help with poor mental health.

Living with someone with depression can be exhausting, maybe he just wanted to get OP out and for her to have a more positive hour or so.

FWIW OP I think you should have let him drag you out for a power walk in the sun. Trust that he has your best interests at heart.

Cakemonger · 09/04/2023 17:21

@Meltinthemiddle Ignore the people here with zero emotional intelligence OP. Your feelings are valid.

taxguru · 09/04/2023 17:21

@Nottodayicant

I do not want to see people, smile at people, look at people, nod at people and worst of all stop and talk to the fuckwit neighbours. I don't want interaction

You sound obsessed about other people. When I go for a walk, I do none of the above. I look at the scenery, I look at animals, flowers, trees, water, nature, etc. I don't feel any obligation to smile and talk to random strangers, so I don't.

Nottodayicant · 09/04/2023 17:24

taxguru · 09/04/2023 17:21

@Nottodayicant

I do not want to see people, smile at people, look at people, nod at people and worst of all stop and talk to the fuckwit neighbours. I don't want interaction

You sound obsessed about other people. When I go for a walk, I do none of the above. I look at the scenery, I look at animals, flowers, trees, water, nature, etc. I don't feel any obligation to smile and talk to random strangers, so I don't.

You obviously don't live in a small town then where everyone knows everyone. I also do not want to be outdoors looking at animals and flowers when my anxiety is raging and that is ok.