I don't want to go for a fucking walk...

[Meltinthemiddle]

because I have no motivation to get dressed or to see people and put on a fake smile and make polite conversation with strangers about the weather or even worse I don't want to bump into someone I know when I look and feel like shit and will mean using even more energy I don't have to pretend I am ok. Why is it people always suggest go for a walk as it will make you feel better, like this is the answer to everything. I am so tired of the pressures of life and pretending and trying to follow society's expectations of what makes a perfect family life. I feel like we are all sheep and being herded to one thing on to another normally involving huge expense and stres.
I've just broke down with DH after burning the waffles and he asked me what was wrong I told him I'm struggling (I'm peri and on HRT) but no asking why or what is making me feel like that. His response 'let's go for a walk?' But the reality is I don't want to because what's the point of walking somewhere or getting an over priced coffee that I don't want after waiting in a massive queue. Why do we all do things because that's what we do at Easter, go for family walks and have the perfect roast dinner (which I've forgotten most of and shops now closed) and eat chocolate watching films. But why? It doesn't make me happy it's just what we are supposed to do but when I stop and think about it I realise it doesn't actually bring me joy or at least it doesn't any more. So now DH has gone off in a mood to walk the dog again leaving me feel worse. I don't know what I want or what I was expecting but sometimes I just think what's the point.

FWIW OP I think you should have let him drag you out for a power walk in the sun. Trust that he has your best interests at heart

Give me strength.

I’m sure it was well-intentioned but I feel a lot of people especially men struggle to sit down and listen about feelings and would rather just propose a “solution”. I think the frustrated storming out may have been the realisation that their “solution” was
inadequate and they may feel somewhat guilty but that certainly was not a good way to handle it by making OP feel worse.

however as PP have said it might be tiring at times living with someone who is depressed, so is it possible DH has listened on many previous occasions but they don’t have the emotional bandwidth at this present time?

But yeah I do agree that ‘take a walk’ can be a cop out.

Do you need it? I hear walking is good for that...

Believe me...it's not for me. It may be for you but it makes me worse. Being forced out of the house when I feel so low like that would tip me over the edge.

WHY do people keep insisting that walking helps when it some cases it does the opposite. it is not a bloody cure all. Sometimes you have no energy, no motivation, anxiety about being outside yet you think being FORCED to go for a walk will eliminate these feelings......sigh.

Simply because going for a walk actually DOES boost your mood, that's a fact! Sometimes you've got to force yourself out of the hole your stuck in. If not then you'll always feel shit!!!

I think the people who are ridiculous are those who are refusing to listen to the OP when she says she doesn’t want to go fur a walk.

It works fur you. Great.
It doesn’t fir the OP. Why do you think that forcing her to do that or making feel bad about it is going to make her feel better??

Fwiw my dh did that when I had PND. And I went for the walk because you know, it’s good fur you. Did it help? Nope. Because what I needed was a husband that would actually help me, give me a break from the baby etc… Not a fucking walk.

If no pressure to talk is helping, what about going away by yourself for a few days? I was feeling very low and felt really rebooted after staying solo in a cottage by the sea for three nights. No mobile signal, no one for miles, I just lived on soup, and did exactly what I pleased.

Hi OP

I’m sorry you’re feeling so rubbish. It’s actually really good that you managed to do a bit of cleaning and hoovering. Go easy on yourself and don’t put pressure on yourself to do anything you don’t want to because you feel you should. It’s also good that you could say no when you didn’t want to do something. Often when we feel rubbish, we just let others tell us what to do and just go along with it and we feel worse because we feel like we’ve lost some control. It might be worth looking into what could help you deal with the underlying issues if you don’t start to improve over the next few days. And what works for one does not necessarily work for another (I’m really disheartened by some of the responses here). If you don’t want to talk maybe journalling could help you process feelings? Or another creative outlet such as drawing, singing…I don’t know what your interests are. I hope you find a way to feel seen and validated and less overwhelmed. Take care!

It's not a fact for everyone.

Wow, there is some proper dismissive crap on this thread! What helps? Not dismissing peoples feelings or telling them they are wrong to feel the way do is a good start.

I hear you op. You sound like you really are down atm and I would second whoever mentioned anti depressants.

That sounds blissful.

because endorphins.
But in your case the social anxiety of meeting people on a walk seems to be negating any helpful effect of the exercise.
Doing the housework with no one around might have done the trick from physical activity plus time out from other people, including your husband.
I know I’m not supposed to say walking, but is there anywhere you could go and exercise that would involve seeing no one or no one who would recognize you? Or where your emotional state would be hidden anyway - like wearing goggles in a swimming pool or sunglasses on the beach. Or chucking the family out for a walk with your H while you do the vacuuming :)

We’ll make your own thread about the merits of walking then. What helps you is totally irrelevant to OP.

I’m not surprised you’re cross, people aren’t listening to you. 💐

I find that the hardest thing when I’m in a low place is appreciating that I do have choices and working out what it is that I actually DO want. Would it work to have an early night tonight and consider that tomorrow is a new day where you will do as you please, or does it feel more of a depression state? I’m just asking what you feel you might do to get to that point where you can consider what you want

I hear you OP. I dont mind walking when I'm in good spirits and can appreciate the scenery,the birdsong etc
But when rock bottom depressed,a walk is the last thing I want or need. Get up,get dressed,go out. Cold,grey,wet,windy,miserable. Plod along in tears because its shit and you hate it.
If you dont want to do it then don't. It isnt a cure all for everyone and everything.

I think we have an answer in part on this thread to OPs problem - people not listening.......

Yes, there's an argument for endorphins from physical exercise and getting outside improving mood, and yes sometimes you do absolutely have to push yourself to do it.
I feel like this sometimes and know I have to walk the dogs, and I resent every damned step and feel worse for the first half, sometimes I then start to feel better and sometimes the fatigue gets worse and I see people and my heart sinks and I get back home feeling worse. Endorphins or not.
I can usually tell either way, and with my peri the fatigue can be the type that exercise just makes you hurt and more fatigued. I get it OP - are you able to rest/sleep for a while if you feel like that? It's a great way to feel like you're on your own and not have to talk to anyone if that's what you need right now.

You definitely sound low and struggling to find the enjoyment in life. Have you been feeling under pressure at work and now suddenly find yourself with time on your hands? What do you normally do at week-ends? Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy?

A walk in the fresh air can be a short term fix for a temporary low mood but it sounds like you’ve got a bigger problem that needs more intervention. In the short term, watching comedy, reading a book or doing some sewing usually lifts my spirits. Can you think about activities that you’ve previously enjoyed doing?

If you’ve been feeling like this for a while then consider talking to your GP and maybe a combination of anti-depressants and talking therapy to try to work out what’s causing your low mood.

When I felt similar, the one thing that truly helped was a day in bed with the TV. I am a big walker normally but it just wasn't the right thing that day. Actively choosing a duvet day was the greatest act of self care I have ever taken.

Also, your DH should shoulder some responsibility for the shopping if you are struggling.

A walk while you’re depressed can be great - but it can also be total shit. When I was very ill with it a while back my counsellor from work said to set myself small goals for the week using things that meant something to me - and for me that was a coffee with a friend, planting some plants while I listened to gentle music in silence, and sewing (I hadn’t picked up a needle in years but I made people small key rings from Harris tweed - nothing complicated). It was bloody difficult to do even that - I couldn’t even shower and just cried the whole day long. Once the anti depressants started working a bit and I could do the goals I actually found a short walk somewhere quiet really helped, but there were stages to get through before I could even contemplate it.

I hope you feel a bit better soon - it’s bloody awful.

OP please consider going to your doctor to get some anti depressants and /or HRT.

There is no reason why you have to watch TV or go for a walk if you don’t want to. We’re not all at home playing happy families, so shut down that line of thought, no need to compare yourself to others as it’s making you anxious, you’re not failing at life. We’re all doing it differently, I’m currently regretting offering support to someone because I’m feeling grumpy and I have (literally) cold feet. (I will do it and it will be fine, I’m just in a meh place for a moment, I will woman up with a hot water bottle for my feet.)

Maybe make a list of things you do and don’t want to do, see if you can find anything to go on the would like to do list. Start a mood journal, bake a cake and eat the lot by yourself.

If your DH won’t ask you what’s wrong, then tell him anyway - he may think he’s giving you space to breathe but if it’s not what you want, it’s obviously irritating you. Try to be factual about your feelings and how your body is changing, it may bring some order to your own thoughts.

Your partner has offered a suggestion and you've shot him down. Maybe suggest an alternative?

There's also evidence giving the benefits of a walk in nature - maybe go early mornjng and avoid coffee shops.

Is there anything at all you do feel like doing - its ok if not. I feel the same about walks for EXACTLY the same reason- people!! But doing something you want to do might help you feel a bit more in control. In that kind of situation I feel like you, rather be in my own. I like to either potter and make my surroundings a but more pleasant or frankly wallow in a disgusting sweaty pit. But the absolute worst thing is when someone offers their preferred solution and gets arsey when you don’t take it!

Im also peri but these issues long pre date that. I would however say if you do feel up to it it might be worth going for blood tests to see if you are vit deficient. Mine is usually D and folates And yes I do know the D is because I don’t get out in the fresh air and sunshine enough. But Ive decided the crippling anxiety which makes me feel like an inferior human being is worse than the alternative!!

Thank you everyone for your replies. I've not got anti depressants as started HRT but I don't think the dosage is correct for me or that it is working. I've always struggled with homone's and PMT, getting mood swings and feeling low and this very much feels like this magnified. And Jacks yes I do have a stressful job and currently have leave so maybe too much time to myself. I don't know I'm dreading going back now.
As for the walk I was just annoyed that DH got in a mood when I refused his suggestion, I physically and mentally wasn't up for it. I quietly just came upstairs to cry as it was well overdue and needed. He just seems to be in a mood and taking things personally, also making me feel bad and lazy for having time to myself. I just want everyone to leave me alone, even at home I feel like I have to put on this mask to do or act like others want me to. I would look to just escape.

For me I find being outside spiritual, makes me realise life is bigger than earth puts things into perspective

No, having to get dressed up for an overpriced coffee that you have to queue for won’t help, why would it.

A sweaty stomp, dressed as you are (throw a coat over PJs), cursing every shitting fucking step, up a steep hill, even in the rain, to sit at the foot of a tree and then stomp home again, will. Have a bath when you get home. Ignore DH and the rest of your family if needed.