I don’t want to be alive

[Bubblemonkey]

Just that.

I get married in 8 days & I don’t want to see it alive.

I have a cpn appointment tomorrow but it’s more for anxiety management than mood related stuff.

I’m at a loss.

Please phone the crisis team tonight, as soon as you can 💓

OP I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. As someone who suffered from PND, has also suffered a severe mental health breakdown (psychosis) and suffered severe grief depression… please, please just hold on. Things can and will improve in life, but if you jump to a decision when at your lowest that cannot ever be undone. I recently got married and had massively underestimated how incredibly stressful it would be, to also have a very young baby to contend with… wow. You certainly have a lot on your plate right now. Hang in there- the sun will shine again, it truly, truly will.

Definitely call the crisis team now and tell them everything; don’t wait until tomorrow. You are worth everything. Your daughter needs you. Keep posting here; we are here to listen.

It can be difficult to actually say how you feel outloud. Use the words you wrote on hear to the crisis team and your GP

Strongly echoing this. I’m on the other side of a psychotic breakdown (a long time ago now) and if I hadn’t made it through I wouldn’t have the life I’m living now. The acute stage of mental ill health is a terribly dark and lonely place to be but there are people out there to help you through this OP. Please, please contact the crisis team immediately. Tell them about your plan. Reach out to them. Your little girl needs you.

Please stay. If only for your daughter 💜💜

I'm grieving the loss of a loved one by suicide OP. His mind made him believe we were all better off without him which couldn't have been further from the truth. It's devastated so many people, more than he will ever know.

How you're feeling right now isn't forever. If you can get through this, and I believe you will, you will have better days. You may look back and wonder how you could have ever thought it. For now, remember that your daughter NEEDS you, you could never be replaced.

Call the crisis team now.

Hello OP, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.

You absolutely have options to get some support in place.

• Samaritans - someone without judgement who will listen.
• PANDAS pandasfoundation.org.uk/
• Crisis Team. As difficult as it will be, you will get more immediate help if you are extremely blunt about your plans.
• A&E - present yourself at an A&E and explain how you feel. I know this may feel like a very scary option, but it will get you real support very quickly. Do you know if you live near a mother and baby unit?
• If your employer has a safeguarding team then their duty of care will extend to you. Phone them. Someone will answer and they have a legal duty to help you. I have worked in this role for many years and I’ve never known a safeguarding team to go to bed until a resolution is reached.

A PP have some great advice around using the thread on here for some wording to read out.

I wish you all the best, OP, and will keep you in my thoughts. I know this will feel like an empty statement to you, but please do not act on your plans. Seek help. Muster all of your strength to take that step and then let people take care of you.

I can’t even get through to crisis. It’s just repeating they’re trying to connect. It usually tells you how many people are in the queue 😩

Tell your partner you’re having suicidal thoughts and go to A&E if you can’t get through to the crisis team. You won’t be wasting anyone’s time. I hope you get the help you need. ❤️

Keep trying OP. Do you have company tonight?

Luckily my partners home.

Keep trying. Does your partner know how you are feeling?

So glad you’re not alone.
Figuratively too. You’re not alone. I was so very very low. Couldn’t see a way forward. Meds and CBT saved my life. You can feel better. And you deserve to

He knows my moods naff & I’m struggling with agitation but doesn’t know the full extent of it.

I just don’t know what anyone can do.. I’m already on antipsychotics to try stabilise my mood & antidepressants.

But they’re not working.

prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/

This was recommended to someone close to me @Bubblemonkey by the mental health triage team while they wait for an appointment.
Also as pp said, you can go to A&E and ask for help. I wish I'd known this when they were in crisis.

Thinking of you

You need to tell your partner.

think about your little girl growing up without her mother. She needs and wants you.

How long have you been on them, if you’ve nit long started them often start up can give you suicidal thoughts?
Its not YOU thou, it may be the meds

I’ve been on the antipsychotic since September 2021 & my antidepressants about 3 months.

I’m gonna go lay in bed with little one & try crisis again.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

OP I tried to commit suicide twice but I'm still here and glad that I am. I called the Samaritans and they supported me through one of the worst times of my life.

Remember that you can always end it tomorrow or the next day or the next ... just give life a chance now as you never know. Sending you love from one human being to another xx

OP the Samaritans number is 116 123.