I don’t want to be alive

[Bubblemonkey]

Just that.

I get married in 8 days & I don’t want to see it alive.

I have a cpn appointment tomorrow but it’s more for anxiety management than mood related stuff.

I’m at a loss.

Ah crap, I’ve posted this in the wrong place. Can it get moved?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]]

or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

When you go for anxiety counselling just tell them how low you are feeling..

Will they do anything if I have an expiration date so to speak?

Op, I didn't want to read and not post anything. I'm sure you have things to live for. Please give counselling a try and medication if your not already on it.

Has something happened to make you feel this way ? Is your fiancé supportive and aware of how your feeling.

Sending love to you

Bubblemonkey that sounds so miserable for you!
I'd like to send you a warm blanket hug.

Do you think that the planned wedding making this worse or do your feelings come from dealing with anxiety more generally?

Why do you not want to get married?

Hugs please stay around your loved and wanted.

We are listening and we care, is it the wedding itself that you are finding stressful or are you not happy in the relationship as a whole. No need to answer if you don't want to, but please reach out for help.

It’s nothing to do with the wedding itself. I’m just completely at the end of my tether. I don’t know if it’s PND (my LG is 5.5 months), or my bipolar playing up.

I don’t know if it’s worth getting onto the crisis team if I have a plan(?) or if to hang on till tomorrow for my appointment.

Please, please ring the crisis team now. Your little girl needs you

I think that you are right about contacting the crisis team now. Tomorrow seems a long way off.

@Bubblemonkey

your user name makes me smile 😊

I'm so sorry you feel how you do.

is there something about getting/being married that's scaring/upsetting you?

or is your DF not who you want to marry?

or is it just a 'date' to work around??

talk to us 😘

Hi OP,

Do you know what it is that is making you feel this way specifically? Just remember when you feel as though no one cares, everyone cares, we do, your family do and your friends do.

@Bubblemonkey

Your DD needs you.

There are posters on here who have really suffered pretty much all their lives as a parent chose to take their own life, it left them feeling worthless, unloveable , unwanted. Don't do that to your baby daughter.

PND & Bipolar are dreadful & both together are an awful lot to deal with!! Give the CPN a chance to help you! Therapy & balancing your meds.

Have you had other times you've felt like this, then come out the other side?

your partner lives you, your baby DD loves you, they'd be devastated if they lost you.

Do you have any family? Good friends??

@SkylightSkylight
the 30th is just a date to work around, gives me time to stockpile meds & hopefully peg it. I work in liver transplant, I know liver failure isn’t a fast way out but it’s gotta be better than this existence.

Imagine in the future if your daughter felt like you and didn't want to live. What would you say to her? How would you, her friends and family feel to lose her?
Your family and friends would be devasted to lose you.
I know it's hard but there is always a solution. You are here for reason. Call the crisis team now.
You reached out for help here, listen to it and get help. You are worthy. Best wishes

Call the crisis team OP. Come on, you can do it. I promise this too shall pass.

Please don't give up OP. Please get help.

I’m just feeding little one then I’ll try crisis. I hate calling, last time they told me just to go to bed 🤔

What do you mean by you have a plan @bubblemonkey ?

Keep posting and tell us what you mean.

You need urgent help OP. You don’t have an expiration date. You are very unwell. But things can improve. Have you told anyone in RL how you feel?

Ring the crisis team. Tell them you have a plan. Please don't wait

Glad you're going to call them, hopefully they will be more helpful this time.
Tell them what you have told us and that you have a plan and a date.
You have got through this before, you can again.

My gp sort of knows? She knows I don’t want to be alive, but not the full extent of it but it’s deteriorated since yesterday when I spoke to her.